Trying to take a step back

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Maddie 1 month, 1 week ago.

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  • #940497 Reply


    We met up for movie after we exchanged contact 2 days after we got connected via OLD. We hit off really well and conversations just flow smoothly. We both have mutual attraction and share the same love language. Thus, we have intimate moments but no sex involved. After that night, we became exclusive. I think we went too ahead of ourselves and I considered this as love bombing. We have tried to slow things down and get to know each other more first. Next week will be our 1 month getting together and I felt that excitement or honey period has died down fast for me but I don’treally want to let go yet. He is consistent and quite nice to me. My friends told me that if it starts fast, it ends fast as well. What’s your take on this?

    #940498 Reply


    honeymoon period doesn’t usually last 1 month , I would say more like 3-6 months. how often do you see him?

    #940499 Reply


    Hi Ewa, we meet 2x a week though. There was the sparks and fireworks and stuff but I guess it’s more of infatuation for me rather than real love because it started way too fast before getting to know each other more. I read up that some guys fall in love fast but the reality hits when that honey feel starts to fade off..

    #940507 Reply


    He love bombed you? Where is your responsibility? If a man wanted to exclusivity with me on a first date, I would be grossed out completely. This is not happening to you, you are cocreating it.

    It sounds more like you are immature and do not understand love from a healthy place. Should be a bit slow at the start and escalate and then even out.

    #940512 Reply


    No real honeymoon period lasts only 3 weeks if you’re only seeing each other 2x and haven’t even had sex. If things are already dropping off, then as you’re getting to know each other better, things may just not be meshing as well as when it was all idealizing the other person. That doesn’t necessarily mean anyone was love bombing, unless he was blowing up your phone 24/7 the first two weeks and telling you how amazing you are, no other woman compares to you, you’re not like the other girls, he can see himself falling in love or wanting to marry you, buying you gifts, insisting he must see you every day, THAT is love bombing.

    When you agreed to be exclusive, was that, he pushed you to be immediately committed boyfriend / girlfriend? Or you were both agreeing on focusing on getting to know each other through normal dating without also multi-dating others at the same time?

    I agree there are immature expectations of love and dating at work here. You also said he’s not as hot and heavy now but still consistent about seeing you and continuing to get to know you, but you’re the one who is feeling less infatuation? Relationships do grow as you build them together, build trust, build a foundation, get to know each other and find you’re compatible in values and in life, and they aren’t constant sparks. So it may not even be about pulling back persay (unless you want to slow down because you’re not comfortable with the speed, that’s fine), but resetting your expectations to be getting to know each other better rather than rushing through passionate feelings. Or, maybe you just don’t actually like each other that much when the love bubble clears, and that’s okay too.

    Things starting fast and ending fast refer to when it’s all attraction, lust, fantasy, and being in love with the idea of love, but never actually connecting to who the other person really is… just who you ideally want them to be. That falls apart fast because it was never about finding a good relationship partner, it was just the person liking how the sparks made them feel (since sparks can be like a type of high).

    A guy realizing after the honeymoon period that he’s not that into a woman happens because he’s more focused on the chase and winning the woman over completely before he sits down to think about whether or not he actually does like her. If it was all about lust and attraction or thrill of the chase and there’s no real deeper connection, he’ll realize he’s not falling in love (no matter how he was acting or what he was saying in order to win her over) and move on. That’s why it’s better for women to take it a little slow and not fully emotionally invest until the guy wants to commit to being officially in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship after a couple or a few months of dating.

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