Thoughts for the people who give advice on A New Mode…

Interesting. I always hope people will come back and update their threads with how things turn out, but they rarely do.

Without knowing what threads are yours it’s hard to react to this.

Some regulars are tough. Then again some OP are so clearly under valuing themselves and deluding themselves and it’s a constant theme on here of “I haven’t heard from him in a month and we never go out anywhere and he won’t call me his girlfriend after 6 months is there hope?!!” that it gets old, and you just wanna kinda shake women like that to their senses.

Lol Ali I have seen posts that it’s hard not to get frustrated at the posters and perhaps I’ve been one of them. I also get not wanting to give people false hope so I understand the tough love especially in the “he hasn’t answered my calls or texts in 2 months are we still together” thing. And I’m posting just from my own experiences obviously, although I have noticed this in comments in posts not so dramatically well, sad…just quite a bit of cynical comments…sometimes comments that make me wonder if the poster is bitter from their own heartbreak and is projecting perhaps? Not sure, I’m sure they mean the best though and are just trying to keep others from the same pain but I think it’s good to remember every circumstance is unique

Bingo, some posters are bitter and have grown very tough. (Me). My ex husband had an affair with my sister and continued to cheat. So I know liars and cheaters.

And I know narcissist and abusive. And I know how it is to chase, beg and be desperate.

All those days are over now.

I think multiple options even negative bring out a glimmer of truth

Nicole,
I agree with your post overall. Hopefully the poster can weed out the unhelpful comments and gain some help on the more balanced and supportive comments. You have the whole gamut of people on this forum from people with a hole host of problems themselves to well adjusted and helpful people. That is just the nature of an open forum like this.

People can only hear what they are ready to hear and will gravitate toward advice they can hear. Those who want help will hopefully find kernels of wisdom despite the source and delivery.

But I think this is a good reminder that kindness and compassion can never go wrong. Thanks!

Umm, I don’t pay for a dating site lol. And my problems have never been bad enough where I felt the need to seek professional help, just like the majority of common folk who post here with common every day problems that don’t exactly need psychiatric consults. I mainly posted for outside advice, fresh perspectives, on common relationship issues, never anything concerned with mental illness and depression. And I did get valuable feedback even from the more cynical posters, as I mentioned in my post…

Which It seems like you didn’t even read my post at all and you simply want to be argumentative. Perhaps you’re one of the more harsher advice givers so you feel attacked, which wasn’t my goal. I never once “blamed” any one for their advice, did I?

The point of my post was to try to spread some awareness to those who commonly give advice that maybe we should be a little more consciencious of what we advise, and what baggage of our own we may be brininging to the table, and to consider keeping out the the element of fortune telling, because in my case those are usually very crynical and very wrong predictions. Because perfectly sane people come here for support and sometimes you get the opposite of that. Again, I didn’t say always-I said this is the exception and generally not the rule. It is good I didn’t take everything too seriously or I would have missed out on a great relationship. I’m also glad I did listen to the good, constructive (even if a little harsh advice)because sometimes that is what I needed to hear.

you’re right-no one should take anything on here as professional advice and if they do they should seek true help.

As ali mentioned above, you don’t usually hear the outcome of people’s stories and it’s interesting to hear some perspective. I decided to give both one of my outcomes and my perspective on the advice given to me in the past. I’m not sure why, if you found the post pointless, you didn’t just move along?

Nicole- I appreciate your post as it does amaze me to see how rude some of the responses are. I worry if the woman with the concern is hurt by the response, but typically someone else will chime in with something supportive. I appreciate the different perspectives from various generations of women and from all over the world. Pretty cool to have this forum.

some people are just plain rude… it’s almost like coming home from a bad day at work and kicking the dog.
They are the ones that are in need paid medical attention and in no way capable of handing out advice.
And you know who you are…

Everyone views the world differently and I like reading everyone’s take on a post. I’ve related to a lot of things other women go through. Me personally, when stuck on a dilemma I weigh out the good and bad. Having both good and bad feedback from other people is helpful and helps me make a logical decision instead of fully relying on my own list of pros and cons and because I am emotional in the moment, maybe I might have missed a small detail or I’m not reading the situation I’m in right.

Plus L and raven’s snarky comments are always good for a laugh.

If a negative comment makes you react emotionally or makes you feel bad about yourself maybe think about why it did. For me, most of the time it’s a harsh truth I might have not considered.

You are spot on. We do not see the world as it is, we see the world as WE are. When people give you mean-spirited advice or negativity, remember that it is a reflection of who they are. We all have our own lens and we cannot see past our lens. It does not mean it is the ‘only’ lens or only way to see things. Projection is real, and unfortunately, women here have found this site for a reason — searching for the same kind of relationship advice. In some ways, it is the blind leading the blind. ;)

I rarely post, mostly just lurk due to the nature of this forum where you can’t make an account so technically people can make different names and pretend to be different people on here.

When I do ask for advice I know that I will get different opinions so that’s the lovely fact of individuality. Most posters do make thoughtful suggestions. You can really appreciate that they spent their time reading everything. Some posters are rude but they have every right to post what they want. Don’t take it personally and learn to think positively so that nothing gets to you. When you are stable internally, other people’s opinions will not make you feel unloved or attacked. Learn to be in peace with yourself, stop reacting. When you are a positive person, no negativity will every get to you. So i think you need to work on yourself first, build a thick skin, and don’t take a public forum so personally.

focus on the good advice!

Really? Eric was going to shut down this forum six months ago and women were crying begging to keep it. Yet there are always women creating threads about how they are dissatisfied. If you want expert advice, pay a professional. Keep bitching and the forum will be dead. It’s funny those who complain don’t seem to move on. They stick around and still complain.