Third date coming up

Cant you change it to a picknick on a park where you bring the basics? He might additionally can bring some stuff too

What about a bike ride or a hike? (not sure what options for that are available in your area). A picnic is a great, fun idea, and you can both contribute food. Are there any drive-in movie theaters in your area? My city has started up drive-ins since we started reopening.

Since he suggested swimming at his place, I assume he has a pool. What about swimming at his place and a picnic in his yard, or a nearby park? That way you keep it out of his house (and potentially his bedroom). And if you do start to kiss or make out in his yard (which would be normal, I made out with my BF on our 3rd date, but did not sleep with him until a couple dates later)– it’s easier to put a stop to things so that they don’t escalate if you are not inside his home.

As for weather, you’ll just have to keep an eye on the forecast and hope it isn’t raining or super hot/uncomfortable where you live. Maybe reschedule if the weather is bad?

I agree that a home date is tricky for a 3rd date. To me the home date includes a strong possibility of sex (that’s just me)– I never agree to go to a guy’s home unless I’m ready to sleep with him. I don’t know what this guy’s intentions are, though. He may just be trying to be helpful/creative with date options. With the pandemic shutdown and everything being closed, it has complicated dating. It really sucks that date options are so limited.

Lane is also totally correct that guys bond through activities, so *doing* something enjoyable rather than just sitting in front of the TV will be a much better, more memorable date.

In addition to all that’s been said: give him suggestions, but let him plan it. ;)

Well… Do you want to be a fling or a girlfriend?

Im not sure this is over. Just see what he does. By itself this is what dating is and he said he needs time.
This started by a funny miscommunication where you said this is nice without expectations where you meant no sex. And he heard: bingo! Bells! I would let it slip and just if he asks you out again. In general many guy date for company and only move to the goal of a relationship when they get really into it. Its not that uncommon

He said it because he meant it. Period. And him acting into you never ever means a man wants something serious with you. Men can date fairly seriously or what appears as seriously for a long time. They can be open to a girlfriend experience and provide a boyfriend experience for companionship. This is why words and actions must match.

Why did you get so upset? Honestly, you are much too over invested in a stranger. You are not giving 0 fs and it shows. While he made a statement/, it seems you made drama. I get that you did not like what he said, and I even get asking him to clarify. However, having a whole discussion about it seems like convincing him. You should not be frustrated when a man tells you he is not looking for something serious because you are on a third date and be has promised and owes you nothing. I suggest that until 4-5 dates in general you literally don’t care what a man says or does and are truely just observing. You essentially got mad at him for wanting something different than you.

Next time you should not shy away from actually asking a man on a 3rd date what he is looking for from dating right now in general. The answer should be – I am open to a relationship with the right person should it happen.

If he contacts you again… maybe see him again, and see what happens, but pull way back and let him do all the work, which you should have been doing anyway.

I get it, youre in the high alert phase. After being burned a few times and now trying to do it all right. But what tall said: keep your expectations to zero is the key. So you can have some fun. This guy is a fair bit younger, you said, i dont know how many years younger. I think the younger the less ready to settle.

I’m not clear on why you’re “quite upset.” Does his profile clearly state he wants a relationship or did he tell you that specifically on the first two dates? If not, you shouldn’t be so thrown off center and pissed at him. And the first three to four months, you’re observing to see if he meets your standards for something longer term so also not clear on why you say you “didn’t see it coming.” There’s nothing to see on date 3. It’s very, very early days. Nothing anyone says on the first few dates should make you feel like crap – that means took his “rejection” (because that’s what it is) too personally and you’re looking for acceptance and validation in a relationship with man.

You’re giving non-verbal vibes all the time and your vibe feels like you really want to be in a relationship from the way you’re talking here. He’s picked it up and that’s why you got the reaction you got to an innocent comment.

You’re trying waaaaay too hard. This shouldn’t be that big of a deal at date 3… and also, he’s just outed himself as not for you if you’re looking for more than a bit of fun. He probably invited you for pool and dinner to get laid. He wants to keep seeing you… because he doesn’t want to lose you as an option for sex. And now he’s warned you not to expect anything other than casual from him so you can’t complain if you sleep with him and he disappears.

Throw this one back and don’t date more than a few years younger than you from now on. Guys in their early to mid twenties are generally not interested in settling down. Count yourself lucky you found out this one is a no-fly early on.

And get yourself completely happy with your life as it is. The man isn’t the cake – you are. He’s just the icing. :)

Thanks for the replies .
I was quite upset because it did feel like a rejection . Even worse , it was a rejection from a guy I didn’t even know . Almost feels like a double whammy .
He was giving relationship vibes . If he’s justifying himself for saying something based on my vibes , then I should be justified in feeling surprised and “upset” when he said what he said .
Oh ya for sure I’m glad he said it . I don’t want to waste time if someone has already ruled me out for something real in the future . I was still trying to rule him in . I definitely did not want to become his gf anytime soon but I don’t date for fun for very long .
Yes I think the age thing is a huge factor for sure . Lesson learned. Done with him for sure .

Honestly, if it feels like a double whammy you are not emotionally healthy enough to be dating. You need to be able to literally not care what any man not your boyfriend says or does because you don’t know him. Especially at 3 dates. He did not reject you, you are rejecting you… twice. You own your value. No one else does. Period.

At 3 dates you have no idea what he wants and if you saw vibes, you need to wipe your glasses clean. If he was love bombing you, you need better boundaries. At date 3, the only thing you can say is… I think I like/dont like this about him, his words and actions are/are not matching. I let him do the work and see. Nothing more.

And it is totally ok to want and be seeking a relationship…. as long as it is with the right person, not any person. And I think you are giving off any person vibes, not step up and be the right person vibes.

Completely agree that only you can reject you. No one makes you feel bad or rejected without your permission and participation.

Vera, sorry but you are five steps ahead of him. Men don’t want “serious relationships” even when they are in a relationship!

Here are some “synonyms” (similar words) for the word serious: solemn, earnest, grave, sober, sombre, unsmiling, poker-faced, stern, grim, dour, humourless, stony-faced. thoughtful, preoccupied, deep in thought, pensive, meditative, ruminative, contemplative, introspective. staid, sedate, studious, bookish.

Think about those words listed above—is that really the kind of the relationship you are wanting or looking for?

It sounds like you are taking it “too serious” and could very well be the vibe your sending out and keeping you from attracting men. I was in a serious relationship (marriage) for over 20 years, and trust me, they SUCK the life out of you! I am now in a “Interdependent” relationship (look it up); whereas if my relationship becomes “serious” then it means I’ve fallen back into co-dependency, or not happy in my relationship.

Most of my relationships evolved the same way this guy’s did btw. I was not *looking* for a relationship, just having FUN doing the single thing where it was the guys who had to wrangle me into a relationship. I always dated ‘casually’ (opposite of serious) because you have no idea who the guy really is, beneath the surface, so you need to be skeptical (not serious) in the beginning or you’re just setting yourself up for potential failure. All you should be doing in the first couple months is listening, observing, watching and getting a good sense of their overall character before you even think about being in a relationship in a guy. Remember, anyone, including yourself, can be on *good behavior* for a short bit (one to two months); whereas its the time after that will ultimately reveal if you, and he, have the *potential* (key word) of it growing into something more long-term, or not.

Dating has become way too heavy and weighty today because women have become far *too serious* out of the gate (first date) so its no wonder men are no longer inclined to get into relationships today–its way too much pressure. Back in the day couples ‘courted’ (look it up) for at least a year or two before they became engaged because you need to get know someone really really really well, before you can really know, so there’s no good reason to rush into it. My advice is to slow down, lean back, chill out and take the word “serious” out of your vocabulary. Kick of your shoes, and have some darn fun splashing around in the dating pool! Stop worrying about what a guy’s motives or intentions are as they will be revealed when they are ready to be revealed. Until then, you’re A FREE AGENT (single person) and need to ACT like the carefree single person you are by meeting and getting to know lots of guys (outside of the sheets) until you meet one who wants you to be his GF and then see where it goes from there.