This topic contains 21 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Honeypie 3 months ago.
April 14, 2019 at 2:29 pm #745968
Hi! So I’ve been on two great dates with a really nice guy who I met online.
Date one – we went to a coffee festival. He was the perfect gentlemen all day, holding things, paying for things, even helped someone in their wheelchair. After the festival we went for drinks in the sun which became drinks in a nice bar. We spent ten hours together but he asked me when my ‘curfew’ was and made sure I got home on time.
Date two – we went to a tea festival… hehe. Again he was lovely all day, so considerate, we had a lot of fun. After the festival we went for lunch and some drinks. He had to work that evening so we had to finish early. Just before we finished we were discussing our plans for Easter. He then suggested planning another date after Easter, so we picked a date together. Then he had a second thought and said that was a bit far away – how about we meet next week? I said sure! We planned for Wednesday. Then he said, how about we meet at yours? I was a bit tipsy.. and automatically said sure! Even suggested I would cook. Doh!
So now… even though I would very much like for him to sleep over, I think it’s a bit too soon. But I’m not sure if he suggested the date at mine innocently or not. I’m now wondering if I should suggest meeting somewhere else.
Would love to hear some thoughts :)April 14, 2019 at 2:32 pm #745969
Nope. That was a direct request for sex. I agree, don’t do it now and don’t offer to cook. He just invited himself to your house, for someone who conducted himself like such a gentleman at first, that’s pretty forward and rude. I wouldn’t go to his and I would give it at least another 5-6 dates before you go to either of your homes. He just set himself back with that suggestion. You need to watch him closely for a while now.April 14, 2019 at 2:36 pm #745971
Tell him you’re enjoying getting to know him and it’s a bit soon yet for home dates and you’d appreciate it if something else could be planned. A good guy won’t understand. A guy whose just after sex will push for a date at your house or his and if he does that it’s your cue to say no thanks and move on.April 14, 2019 at 2:37 pm #745973
You’re right, I’ll get to see how he reacts in that case.April 14, 2019 at 2:37 pm #745970
Thank you Jennifer, I needed to hear that!April 14, 2019 at 2:37 pm #745974
I meant a good guy WILL understand!! Sorry!!April 14, 2019 at 2:37 pm #745972
There is Nothing that says you have to sleep with him.
Are you sure you know him well enough to have him over?April 14, 2019 at 2:39 pm #745976
@Raven – this guy just invited himself over to her house. Saying yes, and cooking, puts her in a weak position and let’s be honest, it probably means sex. Three dates in, she doesn’t know him well enough and it’s too early. I don’t like that he invited himself over at all. It’s kind of creepy. Especially after he knows she’s had a few drinks.April 14, 2019 at 2:41 pm #745977
What decent man invites himself over to your house? Are you sure he doesn’t have a girlfriend at his own place? You don’t know this man. It was two dates and he’s a stranger you met online. Take time to get to know him. Tell him after thinking about it you beleive it’s too soon for any home dates.April 14, 2019 at 3:00 pm #745980
Thank you ladies, it’s really good advice! Yes I definitely need to get to know him better. I always put my absolute trust in people and sometimes give too much to men.April 14, 2019 at 5:57 pm #746018
It “probably” means sex? seriously ladies? a guy is inviting himself over to your place, and if you say yes, he knows you said yes to sex. This is black paint on a white wall, how can you even question it?
And no it was not “innocent”, he first suggested one option, then backed out for some reason, then another, and then wait, what a good idea – your place! voila, easy sex.
And a poor girl is “confused” and does not know how to get out of this situation. Oh Gosh. You are not going to agree to it just because you feel uncomfortable are you? Please learn how to communicate.
Call him,m do not text, and say to him using your voice. You can say something along the lines of, look I need to take a rain check on our date at my place. I know I said yes but I was a little tipsy and was not thinking clearly, just went with a flow of a conversation. I’d like to date properly before we doing sleepovers.
And do not make it look like that sex is guaranteed. You are ready when you are ready. LOL
Do not apologize for changing your mind! you do not owe him anything, he was tricking you into sex plain and clear.April 14, 2019 at 6:25 pm #746026
Keep your shirt on Emma. LOL LOL LOL
Neither you nor I nor anyone else was there so we can’t know 100% what he meant. “Probably” covers up to 99%. Leaving that .1% in case we’re wrong. LOL LOL LOL
As usual you come swooping in late to the party after the OP has already been given the same advice.
Your “rain check” line is pretty old too. LOL LOL LOL
She doesn’t even need to say any of that. Just hey, thought about it and not ready for home dates yet, can we do something else please will cover it. The whole bit about admitting to being tipsy – not necessary.
It’s nice that you’re so smart and have everything figured out. Ladies come here to ask questions when they don’t know. No need to talk down to them like you’re queen of the world and they’re stupid milkmaids.April 14, 2019 at 7:00 pm #746032
I totally disagree, it does not necessarily mean sex.
I’ve had guys over second date and no sex has ever taken place.
But I do agree him inviting himself over it is creepy.
And OP you don’t have to sleep with him.
Tell one of your friends you’re having over, set a time you want him to leave.
I think being at home with someone does tell you a lot about them, you get to talk without interruption, you’re more relax at your own space etc.April 14, 2019 at 7:08 pm #746034
I would not invite a total stanger into my home who I met online and only met twice. That’s unsafe and foolish. If you want a quiet atmosphere go to a park, or beach or somewhere with less traffic that allows easy conversation without talking over a loud environment like a restaurant or bar. Home dates should be earned IMO. Unless you don’t care about that. A man should not be inviting himself to your place. That should come from you. Who does that? I agre a home date does not have to lead to sex, but unfortunately most women have a few drinks and then come on here writing that it just happened, or it felt right, only to be upset she never hears from the guy again. Don’t put yourself in a situation that can lead to something you may regret, because the guy says sweet nothings and a make out session leads to the bedroom. I also think it’s creepy and suspect he invited himself to yours after only two dates.April 14, 2019 at 8:36 pm #746050
I would not have him over. I agree with @Jennifer. He’s on probation now. Inviting himself over is a sketchy move. Slow down and watch him carefully as he very well may not be the nice guy/gentleman you now believe he is. Anyone can be on their best behavior for a few dates. You need to check him out longer to make sure he’s not a player.
I would also not spend that much time on a first and second date with someone. 10 hours! Whoa. Excessive. 2-3 hours tops is better. You’ve got false intimacy now which is why he thinks he can get away with having the bad manners to basically tell you he’s coming to yours.April 15, 2019 at 12:01 am #746061
Wow! Jennifer and Karen gave amazing advice! Absolutely agreeApril 15, 2019 at 12:28 am #746062
He is being “A perfect gentleman” and really sweet because he wants to sleep with you, and that is the ONLY reason. Men’s first priority is sleeping with someone they like, and when they get what they want, THEN they decide whether they want a relationship or it’s just going to be casual. TRUST me on this one. I don’t judge anyone’s character before sex, I judge it after. He will not take you seriously if you’re too easy and sleep with him too soon. I know it feels good now, but I promise that it will fizzle out in a month or two. Wait until he gets to know you, and you get to know him, and there’s some emotional connection there before you get into the bedroom. It will benefit you in the long runApril 15, 2019 at 2:26 am #746063
Thanks all, I do appreciate the different thoughts on this.
@Emma, I think I was a bit surprised and I’m naturally more of an agreeable person who then thinks about things afterward. I wish I had spoken up at the time but I think I was just feeling pleased he was planning another date and then a bit shocked when he suggested mine so I went along with it.
As an update, I’ve asked him if he we could meet somewhere else and he was fine with it. I’ve decided I will tell him in person that I’m not ready yet and see what he says. :)April 15, 2019 at 3:39 am #746064
No! Do not tell him that. You already diverted him from your home. Leave it at that. Do not be so transparent. And do not be so trusting and an open book. You don’t have to tell a men your strategy and every move. Keep it to yourself and show him through actions. It’s disturbs me when you say you put your absolute trust in people. That is a recipe for failure in personal and professional situations, people need to earn your trust.April 15, 2019 at 8:26 am #746080
I’ve had guys over and not slept with them. I don’t mind a home date because I’m not a big drinker and don’t like to eat out a lot.
BUT, it does put you in the position of entertainer. Also, he invited himself over, which is bad manners in any circumstance.April 15, 2019 at 1:30 pm #746127
I think your change of venue implies your aren’t ready for an intimate setting such as a home date.
Don’t go into detail let your actions speak louder.April 15, 2019 at 2:47 pm #746133
I agree that now you don’t need to have any deep conversation about the change in venue. Just go enjoy wherever you now go. He may suggest yours again at the end of the date, and at that time you can say you’d like a to know him better and date more before going to each other’s house. Please don’t use the word sleepovers at any point 😉