Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Stopped Contact – Really Struggling & Feel so Down
- This topic has 27 replies and was last updated 4 years, 4 months ago by
Alex.
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Anderson
“I do have such a strong desire to be with this girl and can’t see myself with someone else right now”
And that’s because it’s been what, not even a month since you two broke up? Absolutely normal. Doesn’t mean this is your permanent reality.
Being genuinely committed and exclusive towards someone isn’t something that can be changed in an instant. At least not for me. I felt faithful to my ex even ~3 months after we broke up. I didn’t mind it too much. I’m not someone who’s desperate to avoid being single anyway. But I’d gotten into the habit of gladly choosing her everyday even though I got periodic attention from other women. And that habit took a while to break. This is in spite of how I knew I did not want to go back to her for various reasons. My dad and I have very different views on things, and I take what he says with a pinch of salt. But when I turned to him during a miserable time, even he said she wasnt lifelong partner material. Chilling.
I have no shame in admitting that I couldn’t break up with my ex all by myself. My sweetheart of a sister coached me on what to do and say. Usually I can quit anyone so easily you’d think I was a psychopath. But with my ex I’d invested myself too deeply, so it makes sense I couldn’t do it myself given how weak I was with her.
You might need assistance too.
This recent meetup of yours I believe is the final nail in the coffin. After ~3 weeks she still hasn’t changed, and one wouldn’t have expected her to. Personally, I have enough self-respect for myself that I’d rather die single than be with the wrong person. Good friends and family take the edge off. It seems you too have similar self-respect for yourself, just that it’s currently harder to stand up for yourself because of the gravity of your emotions towards her, which is understandable. Is this an easy decision to make for you? Not even close. But it’s the right one and I assure you you’ll realize it too in time like I did.
Alex
Hi,
Yes I put ‘mixed’ in quotations because although it may appear to be ‘mixed’, once you look into it, it’s actually one way.
I am 100% confident she isn’t doing this in a nasty way, like i say, she has so many barriers up and probably is scared of losing me. We are relatively young and inexperienced so that is most likely a contribution too.
I suppose I am into this girl so much and act the way I do because I have never felt how I do about anyone before. Whilst relationships may be big for her, they are as equally as big for me. Even when we speak now, it’s as if none of this has gone on. I do believe we have a genuine connection but it just may be that it doesn’t stretch into relationship material or maybe a case of right people wrong time which I believe in.
Nevertheless, I know this is not fair on me and the outcome is my decision. I know I have the ability to choose the best way forward.
Alex
Hi Anderson,
Just read your reply. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head and I totally agree with you. I’m going to take the necessary steps forward and I hope this all becomes a thing of the past ASAP
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