This topic contains 5 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Raven 3 weeks, 6 days ago.
September 21, 2021 at 2:30 pm #920275
I just started dating this guy 3 months ago and we made it official two weeks ago and are dating exclusively now.
I really like him. We live in different states but we go out to visit each other once a month and talk on the phone and FaceTime all the time.
He came out this past weekend and we spent the whole weekend together. He was having some family problems this weekend too and it seems like he took it out on me. We spent two great days together and then the last day he was here, he was picking on me. He wasn’t being super mean or anything, he was just teasing me and said some things that weren’t very nice.
My question is: do I need to talk to him about it or just let it go? Since I don’t know him all that well yet, I don’t know if he does this when he gets stressed about something or it’s his character. I feel like it might be too early to say something. What do you think I should do??
It’s just bothering me and some of things he said didn’t make me feel very good at the time.September 21, 2021 at 3:04 pm #920280
Yes, you should say something and pay close attention to this behavior. He was being mean and you need to call him out on it. Remember we teach people how to treat us.September 21, 2021 at 3:10 pm #920281
You should say something. Maybe about not being someone who appreciates having that type of teasing in the relationship. That you don’t mind being playful but there’s a line that crosses into mean-spirited or disrespectful that you aren’t looking for. And that you like him a lot and want to continue feeling connected, like you usually do. Then see what he does and if he acknowledges you and corrects the behavior or if he just gets defensive and even lashes out.
Whether it’s about stress or his character, it’s a red flag because both are bad. If he copes with stress by taking it out on other people, that’s bad. If he can respond maturely to your concerns and not repeat behavior that you’ve communicated makes you feel bad, then he’s got potential. But if he doesn’t, then it’s worth considering that life always has stressors and both people in a healthy relationship will have ways of coping with stress that doesn’t involve cutting down their partner. And if he can’t do that, he is probably not the guy for you.September 21, 2021 at 4:20 pm #920297
yes you doSeptember 21, 2021 at 5:55 pm #920322
Agree with what the others have said, and that you should talk about this. I’ll add this: Three months in is still the honeymoon period, when folks are theoretically on their best behavior, and haven’t let their baggage show. It’s still very early in the relationship– he should still be trying to impress you.
I’m not saying it’s ever okay to tease or pick on a partner when you’re feeling stressed (it isn’t!). But if he’s already showing signs of being inconsiderate this early on– saying things that make you feel bad, etc– it doesn’t bode well for the future, when you’re a more established couple & people tend to let more of their baggage out. He should still be trying to woo you at 3 months in.September 21, 2021 at 6:34 pm #920329
What did he say to you?