This topic contains 7 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Ianthe 1 month, 3 weeks ago.
November 15, 2020 at 9:45 pm #825383
I went on a date last night despite not feeling well. I had already rescheduled from Friday night, and I am leaving tomorrow to go back home to visit my sister’s new baby, so I felt like I should push through and go anyway. That being said, I didn’t really prepare well for the date, just sort of got dressed in an unremarkable but comfy outfit, and figured I probably wouldn’t like the guy anyway but felt rude to cancel once again last minute.
Long story short, I surprisingly found him more attractive in person, and immediately regretted a) not rescheduling for when I felt better, or at least b) putting more effort into getting ready/preparing for the date. I felt this threw me off, and I found myself uncharacteristically awkward/unconfident on the date. When he texted me today that he had fun but didn’t feel much of a spark, I wasn’t surprised, but I instantly felt it was because I wasn’t my best. I told thanked him for his message and respected his decision, but I would also be open to meeting again once I was back given I wasn’t feeling well on the date (which he knew).
He then said “I think it’s also that I’m just looking for someone that has a similar lifestyle as I’m getting out on adventures most weekends, so realizing that’s important to me too. Nothing against you though and sorry the circumstances/timing weren’t ideal! All the best though :)” which actually bothered me much more. I am an active person, and I don’t think at any point I said I wasn’t, and I am fit so I’m not sure where he got this impression.
Anyway, I suppose I’m wondering if it’s more likely that regardless of how I was feeling he would have felt the same way, or if it’s my fault I “bombed” the date. I would say I found him more attractive in person, but I wouldn’t say I felt insane sparks flying either. I just figured it would be worth at least one more meeting.November 15, 2020 at 10:25 pm #825388
Hi Ella unfortunately I don’t think it would have made a difference. I think he was genuine and honest about how he felt and it seems to be more of a compatibility and interests that he feels lacks between you two. I would take this simply as not a right fit. Don’t torture yourself that if you had rescheduled things would have been differently at this point it is irrelevant. You went you got it over with and he was honest about how he felt, not everyone needs a 2nd date to see whether they have an interest in the person.November 15, 2020 at 10:34 pm #825391
If he’s not feeling it, nothing you will do going forward will change his mind. I’m a big believer that you can’t do the wrong thing with the right guy, so I wouldn’t worry about it too much.November 15, 2020 at 10:57 pm #825393
Yeah it stings, let it go & on to the next…November 16, 2020 at 9:02 am #825462
I agree with the others. You yourself said there were no “insane sparks”. If you and this guy had a strong connection, you both would have felt it, regardless of whether you were under the weather. It sounds like this guy wasn’t feeling it which is fair enough, that’s what dating is for, to weed out the folks you don’t connect with.
If anything let this be a lesson to you, to always bring your A game on a date :-) Or at the very least, don’t go on dates if you’re not in the right mindset. That way you won’t torture yourself later with “what ifs” if it turns out the guy is actually attractive and you know you didn’t present your best self on the date. Like I said, I really don’t think it made a difference here. But if you had gone on the date and given it your best and the guy told you he didn’t feel a connection, at least you would have known you tried. If you know you really didn’t make an effort, it’s easy to wonder “what if” you had tried harder.November 16, 2020 at 6:30 pm #825548
T from NY
Ya he wasn’t feeling it physically. If he was he wouldn’t have made up all those reasons he’s not into it. I know men who’ve gone on first dates where the woman was obnoxious, another where she stepped in dog poop and got it in the guy’s car, or another – she fell into a glass door and he had to take her to the emergency room. Those people are all still together. I highly doubt you putting on your game face would have changed much. I think it just sucks for all of us during online dating when we meet someone we are surprised we actually like. Because I don’t know about you – I don’t like that many. So it sucks when it doesn’t work out or they don’t want to see us again. I agree woman (just like men) have only one chance to make a first impression – but I’ve found men are much more lenient/forgiving about a woman – if they are sexually attracted. Let it go. It’s all okay. Think of how many men you’ve thrown back into the pond. It’s just dating. It can sting a wee bit, but we soldier on knowing our worth – and that you really can’t do the wrong thing, with the right guy, if you are a semi-healthy person.November 16, 2020 at 6:36 pm #825549
Don’t beat yourself up, I have done this. The last date I went on I think was my hair long enough, teeth straight enough. The truth is he was never interested in me . I think it would have gone the same way no matter what.November 22, 2020 at 4:54 pm #826567
*If he’s not feeling it, nothing you will do going forward will change his mind. I’m a big believer that you can’t do the wrong thing with the right guy, so I wouldn’t worry about it too much*
Exactly. When I first met my current boyfriend I looked like something the cat dragged in! I went to an event I had little interest in (it was purely a case of friends persuading me) and was dressed very plainly, no make-up, nothing! Guess what I ended up bagging one of the best-looking guys at the do, much to the admiration of all my friends!!
On another occasion, while on a date (4th different guy) I ended up getting sick, in the middle of a crowded pub, NOT because I got terribly drunk or anything like that, but because he said something really funny just as I’d taken a sip of my drink which caused it to go down the wrong way! I thought this would put him off completely but it didn’t and he asked me out again and continued to do so. I was the one who eventually ended things. As someone else mentioned, men are very willing to overlook things like this when they’re attracted to the girl!
So OP while looking your best would probably had made YOU feel more confident in yourself etc,which is a good thing, it doesn’t make a scrap of difference what you wear, with the right guy! If he’s attracted, he’s attrated. Simple.