Second date at his place!?


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  • #624788 Reply
    Elle

    I just went on a first date last week with a guy who I initially met over Tinder (my first tinder date and tbh don’t know how I feel about it haha.) We talked and laughed for a couple of hours on our first date and have been talking ever since. We have tons in common and he is so sweet. He was not pushy during our first date and was super respectful. I’ll admit I’m not good at the dating scene but I’m getting there!
    Anyways, he invited me over to his place tonight to hang out and I’m slightly freaking out (trying to remain calm!) I made the mistake of Googling this situation and 99% of what came up is that a guy only wants sex from you when he does this. I don’t want to have sex with him because I jumped in too soon with the last guy I dated and it did NOT work well but I also really do want to hang out with him. Objectively speaking, we are both competitive athletes and neither of us can drink alcohol and have to watch our diet to the T so this really limits what we can do for dates. Am I over thinking it? Am I just freaking out to protect myself? Helpful tips and tricks for this situation please! I’ve also tried to find other forums and articles on this but I’m looking from my phone because my laptop is being fixed. And yes, you can poke fun at me for Googling “when a guy asks you on a second date at his place” 😂😂😂You all are the best!

    #624789 Reply
    Jenny

    Why not suggest a different place to meet for the second date? Coffee and a walk or a museum? If he’s insistent on it being at his place than he’s probably just looking for sex.

    #624791 Reply
    MariaTheOriginal

    I would just be upfront and tell him you’re really looking forward to getting to know him better, but upon thinking about it, you would feel more comfortable meeting somewhere public until you guys know each other a bit better– there’s tons of stuff you can do without drinking– if you are both athletic, why don’t you do something outdoorsy? or just go see a film, go to a museum, get coffee and window shop, I mean I have no idea where you guys live and what kind of stuff there is to do around there, but just not drinking and needing to watch diet doesn’t mean you have to hang out at his place. And i agree he is probably hoping to fool around/have sex.

    if he somehow has a problem with this, he’s not a keeper anyway… good to find out early.

    A guy once asked me on a second date to his house– he said he’d make me dinner and show me his rare book collection (he was legit a rare book collector but it was just so funny that I couldn’t resist making a joke and saying” “Would love to see you again, however, my mom always told me not to go over to see a man’s “book collection” until I’ve known him for a while” ;) he laughed and said gotcha, and took me out for a nice meal at a restaurant instead. A good guy will NOT want you to be uncomfortable, and going to strange men’s houses that you only know from tinder is well within the range of something you should be cautious of.

    #624800 Reply
    Lane

    Don’t do it! You need to establish strong boundaries very early or they will see you like every other girl. Set yourself apart from the others, keep it PG and find things you can do that are playful as guys love to play! How about frisbee and picnic at the park (can eat healthy foods); a nature hike; miniature golf; a game of pool—places you can talk and get to know each other with clothes on.

    #624812 Reply
    Hannah

    I’m with the others. Just say you’re not comfortable going to someone’s house when you hardly know them. He will understand and arrange an alternative if he’s interested in you.

    #624819 Reply
    Elle

    Thank you! This has settled my mind a bit 😊 I live in the southwest desert area in the US and it is getting hot AF for the summer, so outdoorsy things might be questionable tbh. The last guy I dated I actually met on Instagram – I sound thirsty af haha – but I am a fitness model and competitor so most of the guys I attract are only interested in the physical stuff. At the same time, I work and pretty much live in a gym so the guys that I come in contact with there are also the same shallow types. Being realistic with myself, I have a hard time telling if a guy likes me for me or if he likes me for my look and I do get nervous when a guy talks to me like a human because I don’t know if he’ll like who I am.
    Interestingly enough- I posted a forum on the Instagram guy I dated a few weeks ago, i agreed with what I read and I ghosted on him. Flash forward to today and he sent me a snapchat with a girl holding hands so basically blocked him after that 😂

    #624820 Reply
    MariaTheOriginal

    Yeah, that must be a bit frustrating if those are the kinds of guys you are mostly coming into contact with– perhaps all the more reason to put the brakes on physically until you get to know a guy a bit, it is a GREAT screening tool– the ones that are just after your hot bod will fall by the wayside!

    #624832 Reply
    T from NY

    If a man really likes you and wants to have a chance to be in a relationship with you — he’ll be smart enough to know he’ll have to wait and respect your boundaries if that’s what you present to him. You cannot “scare off” a man just by saying “Hey I don’t do at-home dates for a while because I’m looking for a relationship”. If any guy acts confused or pissy about that — they are definitely just looking for sex.

    The way I see it — this is the perfect opportunity to tell him what you’re looking for. And then ask — “What are you looking for when dating?” And then LISTEN. Most men will show you who they are simply by asking or very quickly with their actions.

    ps Don’t know about you — but my tinder profile says — ‘looking for a relationship, not just a hook up’. I get a lot less matches since I added that — but the ones I get understand that’s what I’m there for 😊

    #625373 Reply
    Elle

    Status update: I took the advice here and decided to go hang out with him expecting to suggest we go out. Immediately when I got there, he was like “we don’t have to stay, we can leave or whatever is comfortable for you!” I didn’t even have to ask. We hung out outside near a dog park and chatted, then went back to his apartment because it was getting cold and rainy. We ended up kissing and cuddling for a while, and it escalated but he was the one that said he wanted to wait on having it go further. I was getting ready to stop and say something but he beat me to it saying “trust me I want you, but it’s important to wait on this.” I was floored because this was the first time I had a guy say that, which means that it was the first time I didn’t have to feel like an idiot saying I wanted to wait. Should I take this as a good thing? I mean we’re talking now after the fact but I’ve never really been in this situation before

    #625375 Reply
    Pop

    Elle, That was cute. I’m glad for you. But watch out how you’re feeling, I get the feeling you’re getting a little ahead of yourself already, just because a guy showed decency, ONCE!

    #625377 Reply
    MariaTheOriginal

    Yes, it’s a good thing– he’s a gentleman. Now, of course, it remains to be seen if he is the RIGHT gentleman for you, but he passed the gentleman test IMHO

    #625379 Reply
    Amanda

    Well this guy seems to have more maturity and boundaries than you to be honest. I hope you are more comfortable now and are not so scared to say no. Keep it slow and stay cautious, don’t fall too fast. I am doubtful whether you would have asked to go out instead of stay in if he didn’t suggest it (you do that before, not when you show up at his door step!) and whether you would have stopped him from having sex (again you have this talk before you are both making out and turned on!).

    #625388 Reply
    Elle

    Moderately confused by the last comment, but thanks for the insight guys! I haven’t really been on the “dating scene” until recently and I feel like I’m very conservative with guys (I’m 24 and my only relationship was my senior year of college.) I’m trying to step outside of my comfort zone but I also just don’t have experience with dating so I appreciate it!

    #625391 Reply
    Sandy

    You met a guy once and want to go to his place? You know next to nothing about him, how is this safe?

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