This topic contains 7 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Lane 3 weeks, 5 days ago.
January 20, 2020 at 1:45 pm #783299
Hi all! I met a guy on a dating app and we went out once. It was great and we asked me out again for the next week while we were on the date. The only weird thing is that he mentioned that he cancelled another date to go out with me that night. I didn’t know what to say but I kind of forgot about it. Tonight is the second date and he text me today to ask if there was another night this week or weekend I would be free instead of tonight because he has to work late. He said if I’m not free later on he will make it work for tonight. I feel weird about it and I don’t care to reschedule and wonder if he just found someone else he wanted to date tonight. I can’t prove that so I have no idea. But what is a polite yet firm response that I can use so I don’t give the impression I’m waiting around? Or does he seem like a flake and I should just move on?January 20, 2020 at 2:22 pm #783302
You already don’t trust this guy…January 20, 2020 at 2:28 pm #783303
Tell him that’s too bad because you don’t have another night free- canceling on the day of the date is not a great signJanuary 20, 2020 at 4:58 pm #783325
Personally the rescheduling thing isn’t a big deal to me if it happens once. It’s not ideal for a 2nd date, of course. But if he genuinely has to work late, you will come off as rigid and high maintenance if you give him a lot of grief about it. I would give him the benefit of the doubt and let him reschedule ONCE, if you like him a lot. You’re only 1 date in, so you don’t know the guy and shouldn’t have much invested in him either way. He should reschedule immediately to make it up to you; if he doesn’t then forget about him.
It IS weird to me that he told you he cancelled another date to go on the 1st date with you. That info was unnecessary at best. He may have thought he was complimenting you- perhaps he had a date with someone he wasn’t very interested in, and found you way more attractive. But he shouldn’t have told you about it. Now it’s making you question his motives.
If I were you I’d go ahead and let him reschedule and see what happens. If he reschedules and comes through, great. But if he flakes, or cancels again, or never gets around to rescheduling, I’d write him off. After only 1 date you shouldn’t care too much either way how it goes.January 20, 2020 at 6:51 pm #783338
I’d reschedule, but tell him you’re busy for a few days so he doesn’t get the impression he can just change you to a day or two later.
Needless to say, if it happens again that should be the end.January 20, 2020 at 6:58 pm #783340
Meh. I really don’t like that he told you he cancelled someone else to meet you. And now he’s cancelling on you? I’m with you in sensing he probably has someone he thinks is a better prospect. I don’t think you’ll ever be 100% comfortable with him or be able to trust him. I’d do the same as you want to – walk away. Just say that you met someone else you’re moving forward with or just that you didn’t feel a strong enough connection and be done with it.January 21, 2020 at 9:06 am #783362
I think your overthinking this. and its tooo soon. if you can meet him on another night let him know. if another night is not convenient than let him know. if he really wants to meet he will fix another meeting.January 21, 2020 at 10:58 am #783373
This is what dating is about, meeting people and seeing where it goes or not. So what if he’s dating others, you are too and if a better prospect came along I’m sure you would have no qualm cancelling a date you felt “meh” about if you met and hit it off with another one.
Its far too soon to make assumptions about a stranger as you don’t know him well enough to determine if he’s being truthful or not. It happens to me often where I have to cancel plans because I own a business and sometimes things crop up and I have to bail out. It doesn’t make me a dishonest person because anyone who gets to know me better will soon learn that its my reality, and not an excuse.
Its your job to carefully listen, watch and observe him no differently than you would with any stranger you just met, male or female, to determine their overall character. These are good experiences to learn from where you become better at judging men and it helps to improve your guydar. I agree it was lame of him to say he cancelled another date for you but I would take that as a compliment because I know single men are meeting and dating others, no differently than I am meeting and dating other men—he’s just one of others I’ve met, checking out, and slowly getting to know because only fools rush in.
Only until you get to know a man better can you properly judge his overall character by observing his words AND actions to determine if they mesh up on a regular or consistent basis. You do need to give men a little wiggle room because life isn’t perfect, things do happen or pop up that can upset a plan (date) but if they get right back on track after a hiccup and stay on that track only then can you know if they are truthful or not—this is how to properly judge a man.