Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › My fwb doesn’t want sex anymore
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anon.
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Blackcatbunny
So I have been hooking up with this guy for a few months.
We never dated but just agreed to have sex. He has been genuinely busy and we don’t see each other that often. But whenever we meet, we always keep it in the bedroom, like we never went out and never made plans other than plan to chill/hang out.
I was once time sending him a message to ask if we can hang out without sex and being friends alongside with the benefit. He never really replied but he did mention he doesn’t have sex regularly and just his horny self is going away. We talked regularly as well.
Long shot story, recently, we started going out and doing things together. Like we spent a long good time having more chat, wandering around and making plans doing things a few times. We’re both in to photography and it comes in handy that we can enjoy a long walk together and taking photos. It was really fun and I can tell he enjoyed the time with me!
And 2 days ago, I sent him a message asking him if he want to have a day-out and also suggested something like a hook-up plan. It took him 2 days to reply as he said has was busy organizing stuffs for a weekend trip coming with his sport team. And he suggested we can go out tmr and take photos.
About the hook-up, he said : “ Also, I think we’re better as just friends. That just seems to complicates things I think and I don’t wanna do that really”
So apparently he turned the sex down, but made plan to actually do things together. It could be a good thing as I started developing feelings for him and sex is a horrible adding up in this situation when he doesn’t want anything serious.
I’m a little confused as I understand he doesn’t want sex, but he still wants to hang-out. Does it mean he’s genuinely being nice/polite and want to end the fwb in a nice way or he actually wants to be friendsLane
He clearly told you he wants to be “friends only” as men don’t beat around the bush and tell you how it is if you listen to what they are saying. He doesn’t have romantic feelings for you and knows you caught feelings so he’s stopping it so you don’t get any further ideas to try and progress this when he’s clearly not interested in having a GF or he would have one.
He will replace you with another sex buddy, someone who just wants sex and nothing more, which is all he offered you. By you altering the sex only agreement, he will either slowly wean you out of his life or cut you off completely by using the “too busy” excuse until you forget he existed.
blackcatbunny
So there has been some updates. Surprisingly he didn’t cut me off.
It has been over month since we had that conversation when he said he wants to be just friends. And now we hang out every week. Sometimes twice a week. And he always drops me off at home, and when we say goodbye, he always suggests meeting up again, sometimes even right the day after, he says thing like: See you maybe tmr again?
And now we’re doing things like going to the cinema, having coffee by the lake for hours, walking about together, he even suggests things like we just spend time to read books together and such. And we even spent the whole afternoon to just sit next to each other, I did work and he read a book.
We always spends hours together whenever we meet and he always reply to my messages, when it takes him a bit long to reply (like 1-2 hrs), he always explains why and says sorry. (He always says thay he’s not good at replying and his friends said that he’s very flaky over messages). He had never been that communicative in the past and it always took him days to reply. But now he replies to every messages even the very non-sense ones.Also, sometimes he slips out some awkward jokes, I don’t think he means to say them but it’s just kinda out of his control and it happens by accident. For instance, once time we were talking about sports and somethings we’re good at, I mentioned that my ex bf has been doing martial art for years, and he asked me : Do you think that I can beat him?
Or another time, I told him that I’m gonna see my family for my parents’ wedding Anniversary. He said : “It’s nice, can I come with?” He intended to crack a joke i think, but it became so awkward for a second for both of us.
There was one time, he was taking me home and the traffic was horrible, and it was raining hard. We were very close to his house so I told him just go home, and I will get home by a cab from his house. So he made a turn and drove toward his house, but when we got close to his house, he suggested to take me home instead, and he did.
He was never like that before that’s for sure.That’s a lot of mixed signals and I’m very confused. I feel like maybe he might be going away for a while, so he doesn’t want to get attached thou. But I don’t really know how to ask him some sorts of questions to know how he really feels.
Kalyn
It sounds like he genuinely cares for you as a person but doesn’t have romantic feelings for you. If that’s the case, he felt he had to choose between the hookups and a friendship, and found the friendship more fulfilling. I had a FWB years ago, where a true friendship began developing outside of the “benefits”. We were physically attracted to each other but not romantically attracted and the friendship became far more important to us than the sex. We stopped sleeping together to insure the friendship wasn’t damaged. He is one of my very best friends to this day, tells me he loves me each time we talk and we still spend time together (along with the woman he eventually married).
Be grateful he enjoys the friendship so much that he doesn’t want to muck it up with non committed sex. If you feel that it’s emotionally too hard for you to hang out with him under those circumstances, then take a short break to let your feelings fade and date other people. Trust me…if he develops true, romantic feelings you’ll know. There won’t be any “mixed signals”. If you push for more now, you’ll lose his friendship along with the sex.
anon
Sometimes FWB become friends. I had that happen. The guy is a great friend, we talked every day, decided sex blurred too many lines. I think it is good that he wants to be your friend, but you have got to let go of the romantic part. I still talk every day to the guy and we hang out on occasion. He is a great part of my life.
I’d be flattered that you have made such a kind friend.
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