My boyfriend told his ex that he loves her too

Milon it probably feels hard but it seems to be for the best right now. Give it time. If it’s meant to be, he’ll pop up later.

I sadly don’t think you’re going to do it and will need to learn the *hard way* of what a rebound looks and feels like.

Just know men process break ups very differently than woman do. They stuff their emotions down but eventually they bubble to surface and are forced to recon with them. There’s a saying “to get over one, get under another” and it initially works well for men so they don’t have to deal with the emotional fall out of a break up but deep down they suffer in silence, engage an internal war by trying to decide if they made the right choice or not even though they APPEAR to look fine on the outside, the inside is a whole different story.

Eventually he’s going to decide which way to go and it will either be forgiving when his emotions have time to calm down, so a reconciliation is still highly possible. Or he’ll decide he doesn’t and at that point he’ll choose his freedom which is when he will drop you and go play the field, date around and act like a single person until his heart and mind is fully mended, feel’s indifferent towards his ex, not in love but not angry with her either.
Only then will he be ready to love another again. His heart still belongs to her, will need time to heal as it is broken, so at least be prepared for one or the other to happen.

I was in relationship for 9 years, engaged in last 2 years of relationship, my fiance telling me over and over how much he loves me and actions matched his words. However, something happened (nothing brutal), I just wanted to take more time before getting married, and he ended it one day. We are still friends 5 years after the break-up. But he found a new lady online just a week after we broke up and he is with her since then…..not married but they are seeing each other several times per week, sometimes live together for several days, going on trips, holidays, etc. Everyone would think this one was a rebound too but obviously it wasn’t if they are still together, and they were serious about their relationship maybe 1 month after they met….introducing to each other parents, etc. They are also in LDR 50 miles away from each other, and it works! I actually did the same thing and started dating online the very next day after we broke up and ended with a new guy a we are still in great relationship after all these years.
Another friend of mine broke up with his girlfriend after 4 years, then found another one within a few days and 6 months later they married.
So not everything is as it seems.

He’s going through money issues

Honey, he has known you 3 weeks. Three weeks. Three weeks. And what would he decide? Are you asking if you end it, will he fight for you? Never ever do a fake breakup. Either stay or go, but do not do something that is attempt for him to prove his feelings.

I never said anything about a fake breakup

I know i don’t know how bad he’s off financially but i don’t want to get involved with his money

as I said before. your really into the guy and your not really interested in looking at the ground realities. in such a scenario please do go ahead and give things a shot. if it works well good for you. and if doesn’t, you anyways knew the deck of cards was stacked against you but you still wanted to place a bet. its like rolling a dice. you never know. all the best.

HS

Thank you for giving me hope

What evidence do you have that it doesn’t apply to my situation

You clearly like the guy, so give it a shot. you can’t win if you don’t roll the dice.

just keep in mind that he is fresh out of a relationship. he may go back to her. he may be on the rebound. he may also love her with all his heart whilst he knows for whatever reason it wont work out with her.

take it step by step. day by day. and see where it goes. enjoy the time you spend together and dont get too focussed on the outcome, as that will only make you needy and insecure. just enjoy yourself as long as it lasts.

he may fall in love with you. he may leave you. but that’s a risk you take in any new relationship. some people go back to their exes after years of being with a new woman. some people just fall out of love and leave.

99% of relationships ends in a breakup at one point or another, for one reason or another.

so don’t bail now. give it a shot and enjoy your time together.

just remember you and your happiness isn’t dependant on the outcome of this or any relationship

Of course its a risk but a smart person mitigates those risks by carefully observing and making a sound decision based on what they are working with to determine their rate of success.

There’s a concept called ‘risk mitigation’ where a smart person plans, implements and continues to monitor to reduce a risk or risks. Vegas is a stupid example as I’ve seen too many begging on the street because they don’t have enough to get home because they were so focused on “winning” they kept playing, and playing, only to end up broke and homeless. Then there’s the ‘smart’ gamblers who know how much they have to play with (money to gamble with); how much they need to get home; and how much they need to cover the bills (mortgage, car, electric, etc.), and stop gambling when they reach their risk threshold.

Like Kenny Rogers said “know when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk away, know when to run!” A smart person wouldn’t get involved with a man who’s still in love with another woman (his ex); to whom he also owes money too; and so broke he can’t even afford to fix his cell phone.

Go ahead, take the gamble and risk your heart, and potentially your $$$ in the process since some seem to believe he’s such a “good bet”.

The “leave him” crowd is out in full force. hs is one of the few who gave a realistic and reasonable answer. As hs said, it may work or it may not but you won’t know unless you try.

People on this site like to give the ex all the power unless you are the ex. If this post had been from the ex’s point of view the answers would be-

He broke up with you.
He was only saying that because he owes you money.
He told you he’s with someone. What more do you need?
Move on. He has clearly moved on.
You chased him. If he wanted you back he would have contacted you.

Do you now understand what goes into some of the responses?

What he said to his ex isn’t ideal for your relationship. It may mean something to him or it may mean nothing. You have to figure out if this is a situation you want to proceed with. Don’t let people who have a habit of pushing drama decide for you.