Men don’t seem to try anymore?!!!

How do you mean revisit my standards and decide what works for me in dating? I’m pretty laid back and I assumed this was normal?!

I get two dates may be low interest but what if he works a lot?

Finally, when you say find out where you stand with him, if he’s open about liking me and being interested in a relationship isn’t that a good sign? I don’t know it’s best to believe their actions tho

All of this seems to be the norm if you meet people on dating apps.

There is no protocol for sleeping with someone with the first time. You do it when you want to and are comfortable. If someone rejects you for it, then chances are high that was their goal. Sex later than earlier is advised for women so you can weed out the players. But if casual is what you want. and you are absolutely certain you’re the type to not get attached after sex, sleep whenever you want.

I think that ever since men saw dating apps they try to invent some of there own like a app I tried the instructions were really tiny so I couldn’t read them so I just pressed accept but I went to meet a guy and when I got there we ate dinner and he asked IF I WANTED TO GO TO HIS PLACE OR MINE I mean the thought in my head was a guy had to make this app and I looked and yah I was write is anyone else out there with a similar experience

I had a guy take me on nothing but coffee dates for several months. I thought it was safer as we would talk & focus on getting to know each other.

He would always preface our dates as “coffee with a friend” which I thought was very odd. But after having coffee on some occasions 3 months down the road he wanted to sit on a bench with me at a nearby beach. He then casually started putting his arm around me. Sure enough I got turned on and we were hot and heavy after that.

I never invited him to my home and we did nothing more than that, at my insistence.

Turns out I later find out he’s actually married! So that’s why he emphasized us as “friends” all the time. I always thought him mentioning the word friend was weird!.

Yes he’s dating others! That’s why the being busy excuse makes it so easy! If he’s only seen you twice in a month then he’s had plenty of time to take out a few other women too! I’ve said before that I never did coffee dates when online dating. If a man couldn’t invest the time and money to take me out for dinner then I didn’t even bother. Besides I don’t drink coffee!!

I also always made it clear to a man UPFRONT that I wasn’t the kind of girl who was going to have sex with him on the 3rd date! What kind of nonsense is that anyway? That way if that was all he was after neither one of us wasted our time.

And a man telling you he’s interested in a relationship doesn’t mean he’s interested in a relationship with YOU! My husband was working 80 hour weeks when we first met. Our first date had to be on a Sunday night because of his crazy schedule. But he called and texted me every day and we were seeing each other 3 times a week every other week (because of my custody schedule) when we first started dating.

I wouldn’t bother with your low interest guy. Sounds to be you are the back burner chick and he has another he’s more interested in right now.

Violet, when did he tell you that he wanted a relationship with you? Through text, or in person? Did you look up “e-tethering”?

Texting once a day and taking all day to reply to a text shows low interest on his part. I would definitely assume he’s dating others. I hope you’re dating others too?

You’ve got to look at his actions, not his words! Whatever he told you about wanting a relationship, seeing you twice in a month (and mostly doing coffee dates at that), and taking all day to reply to a text, are not the actions of a guy who is trying to impress you or court you.

Busy is bull. Coffee dates and drinks are weasel efforts which means you are an option. He likely dates others. I would tell him you are awfully busy yourself these days and move on!

Good for you for you for relaying your standards to him. I think a good amount of confusion is created because both men and women don’t say what they want to say. Instead, they guess and make interpretations.
That’s a pretty good recipe for chaos, wouldn’t you say?

There’s nothing pushy or desperate if you calmly and respectfully state your requirements. By requirements I mean ones that are basic, reasonable, and appropriate for the stage you are at with someone, not a to do list for 10 years down the line. The other person will either want to meet at that point or not. If they are willing they will often state their own requirements. That’s one way you can get a good idea if they’re honestly on board to progressing a relationship. The thing to be aware of is to listen with your gut if their requirements are appropriate for the stage you are at. Then, you see if they follow though or it was just lip service. Like many others on this thread said – the actions will tell the story. And yes, you have to use fair discernment. A man may break a date if he gets very busy, but he’ll make a plan and keep you updated on when he can get together. If he just breaks it and offers nothing but, “Sorry, maybe another time.” then you can see through that.

It really can be that simple. Simple isn’t easy though. You have to be willing to give up the guessing game that lets you hang on to an idea you want. I’ve done that more than once and it never got me anywhere but wasted time.
This is not about being negative. It’s about being positive and looking out for yourself. Not in a selfish, one-sided way, but in a way where you ensure you get the respect you give.