LDR not together yet. Strong connection, but he got distant. Says he’s scared

Home Forums Long Distance Relationship (LDR) Advice LDR not together yet. Strong connection, but he got distant. Says he’s scared

This topic contains 7 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  ANM Staff 1 month, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #788960 Reply


    So we only met once before he moved in February. The connection was unreal. We sat and talked all night til the sun came up. We’ve been texting, talking, etc. everyday since. He’s very open about his emotions, sensitive, kind, complimentary, understanding, you name it. He plans to drive here in a few weeks to see me. I have plane tickets to see him whenever this lockdown ends. We are waiting until the visit to decide if we want to move forward with a LDR.
    He’s told me about past relationships & how he’s been hurt before. He’s openly said he’s afraid to get again. Well, last week then texts have decreased. This week he ghosted me for a few days. 2 nights ago he texted me and apologized.

    He told me that he thinks he’s falling for me & he’s pushing away because of it. And that he’s sorry, it’s just that when he first met me it was instant.
    He told me he wants to try but he can’t promise it won’t happen again, but he can promise that he has strong feelings for me.

    He reached out the next day, we talked for a few hours & he ghosted me again when I sent an important text.

    I don’t know how to handle this at all. Honestly, I’ve been falling for him as well. I was against it for so long & it just kinda happened. He’s been making so much of an effort since the beginning. Texting me first, trying to be there for me, telling me his fears & feelings. Now it’s a complete 180.
    I know it’s a bunch of dumb excuses he’s giving me. At the same time, I do understand where he’s coming from. We both want to be with each other, but want to talk about everything face to face.
    This is my first long distance type connection. And the magnetism between us is more intense than anything. There have even been multiple tarot readings describing him perfectly, telling me he’s the one & to give him a chance.

    I just want to make sure I’m doing the right things to ensure the best results for the both of us whether that’s us together or individually

    #788967 Reply


    You met this guy once…

    You really want to put your love life on hold for a guy you’ve met once?

    #788973 Reply

    T from NY

    He’s showing you who he is over and over again. If you’re into men who ghost, are inconsistent, whine about being afraid, say they can’t promise to treat you with basic common decency and just communicate with you — then by all means proceed.

    #788993 Reply


    Is it me or are people not getting what ghosting is ??

    He didn’t ghost you … he left you on read and didn’t communicate for a couple of days. You met each other once so having expectations of daily messages etc is a bit much to expect. You aren’t in a relationship right now so you need to calm down, step back and start being ealistic and stop fantasising – you don’t actually know him at all.

    And i won’t even comment on the tarot thing! Smh

    #789000 Reply


    He’s probably got another woman on the go that he’s doing this with too.
    The signs are there so don’t ignore them –
    I’ve been in this situation before, more than once – and it won’t end well.
    Be realistic and strong enough to let go. Let him come to you and do not chase.
    If its meant to be then it will be. Don’t overthink it.

    #789002 Reply


    You didn’t say how far you two live apart. Is it just another state or another country you were talking about? Depending where you live…..lockdown in my state is expected at least until mid-summer and travelling to other countries won’t happen anytime soon….again, depending where you want to go. When people don’t live together, every relationship like that is put on hold for now. Maybe you can communicate via Skype or FaceTime???….Virtual date…

    #789017 Reply


    I’m reading this and it sounds crazy….tarot card readings (multiple even!) tell you he’s the one and you’ve only met ONCE?!??! You are creating this fairy tale in your head and it’s not real! Men are much more pragmatic than women. They don’t tend to romanticize everything. They are much more sensible and practical in their thinking. He may meet you and you are amazing, but he knows it’s not practical to try to have a long distance relationship with a woman he just met so he’s still going to look into more practical options…like women who are in the same town he is! They don’t fall further in love my texting and talking on the phone like women do. They need in person physical contact and shared experiences to fall in love.  Otherwise you end up with the train wrecks like you see on shows like 90 day fiance!! 

    A normal emotionally healthy person would want to talk about all these things face to face as you’ve said. You can’t do that right now. He can’t commit to you because he barely even knows you and he shouldn’t! You can either let this go or wait it out for months until this crisis is over and go see him then. But during that time you can’t be getting upset and worked up because he’s not replying to you for a couple of days. He’s not your boyfriend, you’re not in a relationship, those expectations are very needy and insecure!

    #789113 Reply

    ANM Staff

    The same person made over seven posts in this topic changing names each time.

    Don’t do that.

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