This topic contains 4 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Liz Lemon 9 months, 2 weeks ago.
April 9, 2020 at 12:24 am #788946
Situationship….hold on or let go?
I (33F) matched with this guy (38M) online (long distance) 3 years ago. We texted briefly but the convo fizzled. He seemed like a nice guy but I wasn’t serious about my dating life at the time, so admittedly I didn’t make much of an effort to show interest. Last summer I noticed his profile was still up, so I emailed him, and we’ve been talking for a few months.
We’ve since realized that we have a lot in common including mutual family acquaintances, I know he’s not a catfish. We’ve had several phone conversations, but he hasn’t moved the relationship forward. If I text, he replies pretty quick but doesn’t initiate contact.
He is an essential worker in NYC. On the one hand I’m wondering if I should text and ask how he’s doing since he’s in the epicenter of this pandemic, and working a lot. On the other hand I feel frustrated because I’m always the one reaching out, don’t know his true level of interest. If what we have is real to him, I feel that he should contact me.
It’s so hard these days to encounter people who share the same values and approach to life. So I’ve been inclined to give him more chances than I normally would give a guy. I’ve been open to dating other guys since I started talking to him, but none of those connections have turned into anything meaningful.
Worth keeping in touch or best just to let it go?April 9, 2020 at 1:04 am #788949
“but he hasn’t moved the relationship forward. If I text, he replies pretty quick but doesn’t initiate contact…”
This is all in your head…April 9, 2020 at 1:20 am #788950
T from NY
Dating is tough. I was single a couple of years before my current partner – but part of that was me putting out vibes to the universe that I WANTED to be alone (but I was scared to want that). Anyway. You have to train your thoughts to have an abundance mindset. To tell the universe what it is you really want. Then trust what you see. This guy isn’t moving anything forward. And that’s what you want right? A guy who chooses you and moves a relationship forward. So stop yourself from thinking about him or texting him exactly the same as you would stop yourself from eating a second bowl of ice cream or third glass of wine – because you want to be healthier or because you don’t want to drink and drive. In those actions you are tending to you. It’s the same concept. Get real with what you want. Then LET GO anything that isn’t what you want. You cannot make others bend to your will. You can only work on your own mind. My current partner is every single thing I could have manifested I want in a guy and more. It’s early days. I’m working on not being future oriented but enjoying the present. I practiced the same when I was single and I know I will be OK with whatever happens because he’s treating me like a queen right now. Hold out for what you really want. Practice giving it to yourself first. Resist the urges to chase men. Let the right one come to you.April 9, 2020 at 8:53 am #788954
Nothing wrong if you ask him if he is alright? If he is not investing that much then you have to do the same way. Ask him if he is Okay then if he response that’s good.
If 3yrs of casual talking doesn’t take to the next level i think that’s only you got.
an online friend.April 9, 2020 at 10:04 am #788957
He’s a friend, and there’s nothing wrong about reaching out to a friend at this time to make sure he is OK. Especially if he’s an essential worker in NYC which is the hotspot of the pandemic.
So texting him to check in is fine. But you want more, and it seems like he doesn’t. If you’re not OK with just being his friend, then let things fizzle out again.
You two are long distance anyway so I’m not sure what you even expect him to do. Have you two even met in person? You seem to think you have this great connection but from what you’ve written, your feelings are based on a few months of emails and a few phone calls.