is there a chance he will come back if i was the rebound?


Home Forums How To Get My Ex Back is there a chance he will come back if i was the rebound?

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  • #789361 Reply
    Manon

    Hi everyone

    So, i’m currently struggling with heartbreak. I think this has been the worst heartbreak i have dealt with. I’m already doing better now, i’m in no contact for over a month. I do miss him a lot but i’m thinking less and less about him and i’m happy in general. I think this is also my weak moment as i’m typing this.
    Here’s the story:
    I met a boy in September (beginning of school, uni) We got along very very well and were also attracted to one another. In October i heard he dumped his girlfriend, they were together for 3 years. And in November we started dating. It was wonderful (honeymoon period) but we also really did have a connection, we have the same passion, the same group of friends, the same humor, great sex, etc.. For a month and a half we had an extremely amazing time. Then it was Christmas holidays and he went back to Spain (home) and i to Belgium (home) (we study in the Netherlands). Everything was still going great but after the holidays i noticed he started to be a bit distant. I know he’s also really struggling with major things at school and his parents being in a really bad divorce. I asked him if he needed some space and he said yes. So i gave it to him..
    After 2 weeks things only got worse and worse and worse. He started to slow fade me. Everytime i asked him if something was wrong and if he still wanted this he would say Yes and that it’s not me. Clearly this wasn’t true.
    I also started to realize he was thinking of his ex again. So yes i was the rebound for sure. Last month (before i went in no contact) He came over and we broke up but we did’nt break up.. I asked him if i should still keep fighting for this and keep trying (this was costing a lot of pain and axiety) or if i should move on! i also told him it would be less painfill for me not to lead me on. But he sayd he did’nt know, that he still feels something for me and is still attracted to me.. we cried in eachothers arms for 3 hours. So after this meeting we did’nt come to any conclusion. I desided to move on, this was and still is really really hard and my heart still hurts from this.
    He lives right around the corner and is also in isolation like everyone now with these corona times. My roomie is one of his best friends so they sometimes still see eachother and skype and everytime i hear his voice over the skype my heart just breaks over again. Knowing that he’s so close by.
    I’m feeling so good but everytime his name pops up or voice or whatever i just go from happy to extremely sad and i hate it!

    My question here is; Do you think there is a chance he might come back and regret his desicion?
    I know i should move on and forget him and i’m trying to really let him go. But this tiny bit of hope inside of me is making me type this whole thing. I just want to know if this can happen that exes start to miss their rebounds?

    Thanks in advance!

    #789362 Reply
    Tallspicy

    We don’t know. But, you will most likely be over him by then!

    #789367 Reply
    Newbie

    You did the right thing by pulling away since he was so vague. He problably started to process the break up with his ex. For you its important to keep saying you only had a royal month together. Which is a blip and not enough to really know somebody. So you will be fine. If he wants a second change or not is less important than you moving on.

    #789377 Reply
    T from NY

    Getting over heartbreak is like any other exercise in life – it’s hard work. Just as you can train your body to be more fit – you can train your heart and your brain to feel LESS sad when a guy doesn’t want to be with you. It is painful but if you get busy loving yourself the MOST, more than any guy, more than any crush — you will actually begin to be turned off my men who don’t want to be with you because you’re SO dedicated to your own happiness.

    I know lots of people reading my posts may think I’m less romantic. But the way romance is portrayed in our culture is false BS we’ve learned from rom-com movies. REAL romance comes from never putting up with less than you deserve and when you finally land a partner who chooses you over no other and treats you like a queen.

    You’ll get over this guy when you choose YOU over any memory of a man who wasn’t fully in it or that was pining for ex. Until then – exercise loving yourself and training that brain. We are rooting for you.

    #789423 Reply
    Andrea

    You had a part in the breakup of his relationship, so I don’t feel sorry for you.

    #789428 Reply
    Manon Verplancke

    thanks everyone for your help! i appreciatie it :)

    #789446 Reply
    kaye

    I am sorry you are hurting and unfortunately no I don’t think men miss their rebounds of only 6 weeks. He was using you as a distraction to get over his ex. Let’s flip the script here. How do you think his ex felt after 3 years of being together he dumps her and moves on with you in less than a month?!?! He is probably just now dealing with the feelings of losing that relationship and I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s turned to her during these times of uncertainty with the virus and his parent’s divorce etc. If you are already thinking less about him and are happy then please just leave this and work on moving on. Ask your roomie to let you know before they get on skype together so you can go listen to music or take a shower or whatever not to keep hearing his voice. I know how big a deal maintaining contact is for over a month after a breakup and you should be proud of yourself!! 

    #789454 Reply
    ANM Staff
    Keymaster

    Hi Andrea, I don’t see how sharing an opinion in that way was helpful or brought clarity to the situation.

    Try a little more sugar and a little less salt in the future, thanks.

    #790635 Reply
    mell

    andrea, what makes you think she had a part in it? She only mentioned that they got on and there was attraction in class… and that months later, he broke up with his girlfriend. They started dating the following month – nowhere does it imply there was cheating going on.

    I’ve been attracted to and had great chemistry with guys in relationships – I never moved it beyond polite acquaintances because I don’t need that heartache and I would never do that to someone’s relationship. And I doubt they would have left their partner for me. But I’m saying it’s entirely possible to fancy someone but not be involved in their breakup.

    OP, he didn’t know where he was when he was dating you. It’s good that you had great fun, and that he did too. But he’d just got out of a major relationship – so there was always going to be a lot to process. Unfortunately rebounds often don’t work – it’s usually too messy and painful. It’s not your fault, and you deserve better.

    But regardless of whether it was a rebound, if a guy is only nice for about 2 weeks, then goes hot/cold for weeks, then it was never really all that great to begin with – it sounds like he was pulling away for most of your relationship. Maybe he just realised he asn’t ready to date after his ex.

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