Home › Forums › The Community Lounge › Is it possible to regain feelings? What is a boyfriend girlfriend vibe? How do I
- This topic has 3 replies and was last updated 2 years, 3 months ago by
tammy.
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C
So I “dated” this guy last year. At that point of time we both had feelings for each other. But after sometime he told me he lost feelings and saw me more as a good friend. He also told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship because of his night shifts, and he said that he just felt like he won’t be good enough for me.
Last night he told me that he lost the feelings bc he felt like we didn’t have a “bf girlfriend vibe”.
We text every single day without fail, if i don’t reply, he will text me. When i told him i wanted to go no contact with him, he said okay. But a few days later he checked up on me, and then the next day he would text me and ask me to eat.
He shows signs that shows he still has feelings but it’s all mixed?
How do i get out of this situation? How do i let him see that we do have that boyfriend girlfriend vibe?Maddie
“he said that he just felt like he won’t be good enough for me”
This is a run away FAST red flag right here. He’s insecure and it screws with his ability to commit. That often manifests as “I don’t understand it but my feelings seem to have disappeared.” There’s complicated reasons for this, but generally when it’s not well communicated or out of no where, it’s not your fault and you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s the other person’s personal problem, and they usually have a history and pattern of it happening with people.
Mixed signals (words don’t match action don’t match feelings) and inconsistency is also another major red flag that someone either can’t show up for a relationship or simply isn’t looking for the same kind of relationship that you are. He also told you he’s not ready for a relationship flat out. Believe him, because there’s no bigger red flag than that!
You cannot convince him that you have a romantic vibe — nor should you have to!!! You should never need to convince a guy to want to be with you. You’re worth more than that. You tried to set a no contact boundary, which was a good thing in this situation, but then you let him steamroll your boundaries and continue reaching out. You answered, and are even considering thinking of making plans?? It’s not his job to respect the boundaries you set (though if he doesn’t, that speaks poorly of his respect for you and maturity level). You need to strengthen your boundaries and walk away here, or you’re just going to get stuck banging your head against the wall.
FWIW, I speak from experience and have been there, done that. And I’m not bitter about it at all, I’ve just never seen it go any other way for me or anyone else I know who has found themselves in a similar situation :/ Mourn the break up and then stay open for a new guy who values you, wants the same things you want, sees you as equals (none of this “I feel you’re too good for me so I’m going to use that feeling to act like an insecure idiot” bs), and won’t keep you guessing or confused. They’re out there!
Rubi
It means your connection are not deep. Texting everyday shows that there is interest but if things are not progressing to a deeper level where you speak the same language, want the same things, you see eachother intellectually, staring at eachother in the eyes when you speak, really listening and relating. I guess that’s what he meant to have a bf gf vibe. And since he’s not feeling that, he tells you things like he’s not ready for a relationship or he won’t be good enough for you. RED FLAG!!
If he doesn’t think you vibe like that, do not try to prove you can have that vibe it won’t last. I would distance myself because this guy will have sex with you and enjoy your company adn it will feel good and you would think there’s something there but he will never commit.
tammy
you should never have to set out to convince a guy to make you his gf. to convince him that your friendship has the potential of a romantic relationship. if your interested but hes clearly told you he doesn’t feel it, its time for you to stop engaging with him. its time for you to step away from this guy and this friendship. if you stay in touch your hopes will build up and you will be tempted to stick around. makes more sense to accept what he has said at face value and move on. tell him you accept and respect his decision and that both your expectations from this friendship doesn’t match. wish him luck and block him. every time he gets in touch your hope revives. this prevents you from meeting other good men and forming potential relationships. best to cut him out and time to move on.
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