Is he needy in his texts?

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  • #944060 Reply

    Hey everyone,

    I could really use some input on a situation I’m navigating with a guy I’ve been messaging. We haven’t met face-to-face yet, but his texts have me wondering if he might lean towards the needy side.

    A bit about me: I’ve been married for 11 years before and have experienced five other relationships. Through these experiences, I’ve learned a lot about communication, compromise, and commitment. I also appreciate a bit of mystery in relationships.

    Here’s where I’m at: his spontaneity in wanting to meet up, despite my clear schedule for next week, and his liberal use of terms of endearment like “baby,” have left me feeling a tad uneasy. When I addressed my discomfort with him, he suggested calling me “darling,” which I tentatively agreed to.

    Recently, he suggested meeting without any prior plans, citing it as a sign of him thinking about me. While I value the sentiment, I’ve emphasized my preference for planning ahead. He agreed, but I also encouraged him to assert his own opinions and desires.

    In our conversations, he often mirrors my views on relationships and demonstrates a broad understanding of different perspectives. However, I can’t shake this nagging feeling that his agreeableness might indicate potential neediness when we eventually meet in person.

    He’s expressed a desire for loyalty, kindness, and attention, which is reasonable, but I’m wary of mistaking my gut feeling for apprehension about commitment.

    Additionally, he mentioned some points in our conversation:

    – “You need to be patient with guys, sometimes they want sex and game playing.”
    – “If you expect to be cool the first time, you might make a mistake. A lot of men are good players, sometimes good men are between cool and disaster.”
    – “Don’t make the wrong move and decide, and nah, he’s not for me as some people are like that.”
    – “Some men deserve bad treatment.”
    – “I’m not Brad Pitt, I’m not perfect, I also have negative sides and don’t hide it.”
    – “People worry too much, people can’t be themselves.”
    – “He tries to see things in every corner, that’s why women aren’t patient with me as I’ve been single since 2019.”
    – He also asked what I was physically looking for in a guy.

    So, what’s your take? Could my gut feeling be stemming from fear of commitment, or are his actions potentially indicative of neediness? I’m genuinely confused and would appreciate any insights or advice you might have.

    Thanks a bunch.


    #944062 Reply


    #944066 Reply

    Hi Raven,

    Thank you.

    Didn’t realise I posted twice. Yes my gut instinct was right all along.

    #944068 Reply

    Honey… he is a mess, but honestly this is way too much investment for someone you have not even met. You are over invested… this seems pretty anxiously attached on your end, because you are really being really overly diligent about a random stranger. He turns you off, let him go. You should never talk this much to strangers without meeting, it shows you are both needy. Too much interaction creates a lot of projection.

    #944069 Reply

    Hi Tallspicy,

    I’m not going to meet him.

    My gut instinct is a turn off for me.

    He’s overly invested.


    #944070 Reply

    Sorry my gut instinct is saying he’s a turn off

    #944071 Reply

    Honey, you are overinvested. You have not even met this guy, and you are quoting tiny details, spending a lot of time trying to understand him and understand every bit of his behavior so he doesn’t hurt you. This is a you problem, not a him problem. Please read up on anxious attachment

    #944073 Reply

    Hi Tallspicy,

    I understand that now. I’ve just got out of a long term relationship so I’m new to online dating.

    It’s a learning lesson for me.

    I just needed reassurance from this site as I know nothing about dating.

    Thank you


    #944074 Reply

    Can I just add, he was the one asking me all the questions jn the text.

    How long was your last date. I gave him shirt answers and then he rambled on and on about the above texts which I never asked.

    As he was overly invested and wanted to see me in the spur of the moment, I said no as I like to plan things.

    He mentioned okay, I’ll just follow you then.

    I told him, he didn’t have to follow everything I say, he can also have his own opinion. And he said he just likes to make me happy.

    I then left it at that as I felt he was also suffering from anxious attachment as he was also overly invested because the above texts, I didnt ask him, he just said it. Its not just me, I think it’s the both of us and I know I’m not responsible for his behaviour.

    #944075 Reply

    You are on the right path. Next time a man asks you out last minute, you don’t tell him you show him.

    Are you free tonight?

    No, thanks for asking, but i have plans tonight. Could do Thursday or Sunday if either works! Xo

    But if he is irritating you and you have never met, you don’t fix it, you don’t think about it, you just stop responding. And if he pushes… we are not a match, wishing you happy dating!

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