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Padmini.
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Theresa
There is a guy that I have known for years (we used to work together). When we worked together he would always be extra nice to me, look out for me if there were creepy guys and always compliment me. We both shared the commonality of parenthood. I noticed he spoke more to me about his personal life than the other coworkers. When we both went to separate locations we kept in touch through email and text.
From his other location if he saw anything that he thought I would like he would ship it in the mail to me. He would remember little things about me and would find things that would help me out, make me happy or benefit my daughter. He always tried to lift my spirit even when he knew my relationship was falling apart. He rarely spoke about his connection with his wife aside from the fact that he mentioned going to therapy.
He was supportive when he found out my relationship with my child’s father was toxic and had ended. I just find that even since then he has been more attentive, chatty, and want to send me little things. There is a game that both my daughter and I play that he plays as well and a few times we all joined online and played the game together (his idea). The other day he decided to gift both her and I a special package for our game. Mind you he has two children of his own (he did confide that at times he has difficulty with them and from the sounds of it their mother doesn’t parent often).
He is an introverted type of guy but there is something there that keeps me wondering if there is more to his niceness. Especially now that he all of a sudden started messaging more, gifting me more, popping up to show me he remembered something that I told him years ago (like my favorite band, my favorite type of movie).
Trust me I have tried to not read into anything, it’s just that I have another married guy friend who just doesn’t act this way. I don’t get the same feeling from him and I know our interactions are solely friendly. At one point he told me that even though he hasn’t met my brother, because we have spoken about him so much he feels like family.
Any thoughts on why a married man would take more interest in a single mother and her child?
Liz Lemon
You’re in emotional cheating territory. This guy is unhappy in his marriage and has verbalized this to you. He’s extremely attentive (remembering random things, being chatty), buying you gifts, discussing personal stuff. Surely you see his actions aren’t appropriate for a married man.
Put yourself in the wife’s shoes- if you were married, would you be comfortable with your husband acting this way with a single woman?
I’m not saying men and women can’t be friends, but there have to be boundaries if one or both of the people in the friendship is married. And why hasn’t he introduced you to his wife, if you’re such good buddies? It sounds to me like this guy is unhappily married and is putting his emotional energy into developing a friendship/relationship with you instead of attending to his wife and marriage. I’d be very careful if I were you. He’s friendly now, but he may very well start veering into romantic/sexual territory with you.
Raven
You keep asking us…
Let me ask You, Do you really want another woman’s man?Padmini
Hi, Theresa,
I agree with the others. If you really want to read so much into your Married Friend’s attentions: you could do so in a constructive and productive manner. At the moment, it seems that you are doing so quite toxically. I would not at all guarantee that he has any romantic interest in you, but that rather he probably feels sorry for you with the difficulties that you have gone through with your Daughter’s Father and with raising your Daughter accordingly.
We do not know the Context of his notification that he and his Wife are in Therapy together. His Sub-Text is thus open to Interpretation; and could even possibly mean that he is genuinely trying to make his Marriage work and is unavailable for you. Whatever the Case: It does seem as though your married friend is genuinely interested in making his Marriage work!
Good luck!
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