Is he interested or just being nice? How do I proceed?


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This topic contains 18 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  tammy 1 month ago.

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  • #928783 Reply

    Jessie

    There’s a guy I see at my gym, he’s been going for a while but he approached me a few months ago just to compliment me on my workouts. When he did, however, he did make sure to let me know that he didn’t want me to get the wrong impression, that he was in no way trying to hit on me. He was very respectful and not flirty at all.

    In the last few months, there would be more communication, just about work, life, food… he would still pay nice compliments, a couple times saying he liked how my hair was in braids, once he randomly came up again and just asked my ethnicity because he was wondering if he got it right. Another time came up and said “hey my pretty friend.”

    While these are all nice, he has never led me to believe that he’s interested because he’s never been flirty, just very nice, and he’s never asked me out or for my number. Nothing. But it does appear I’m the only one he approaches there.

    His schedule has changed so I’m the past couple of months, I have only seen him there once every week or two at the most. A couple of weeks ago I did mention based on my schedule I would be going there at different times.

    Just the other day, I saw him and he came up to say hi, that he had wondered where I was because he thought my schedule would be changing to where I’d be going at the same time as him more often. Then we had more small talk and he said “oh I almost forgot. I’ve been meaning to give this to you but haven’t seen you. Just in case you need me or need anything at all…” He grabs his business card (He is a cop).

    Now with business cards, usually people give it out to network etc, correct? I don’t know what to make of it but the office number is on there and his cell is too. But it’s not like he was offering his cell by writing it as some people who are interested would do. It’s already printed on there. So is that an invitation to reach out to him? Not necessarily that I would need him to “come to my rescue”, but to perhaps initiate contact?

    He never asked for my number and I don’t want to cross boundaries by texting him if that wasn’t the reason he gave it to me. He did mention briefly about an activity (don’t want to disclose too much)- he said “I could take you there sometime”. But like I mentioned he didn’t ask for my info.

    I’m confused. What does this honestly sound like? What should I do, reach out to him or just leave it and maybe wait until I see him again, probably in the next two weeks?

    #928784 Reply

    Zoe

    You already received bunch of responses on identical post not too long ago, but I guess you didnt like them?

    #928789 Reply

    Jessie

    This is my first post about him, you must have mistakened me for another poster.

    #928808 Reply

    Lane

    Is he single or do you know?. He’s definitely putting out some ‘feelers’ but its hard to know why he hasn’t made a move—men do it when they want to, they really are that simple!

    Do you act cool, casual, or flirty around him? How did you respond when he said “Hi my pretty friend?” Or when he talked about taking you to the place you can’t disclose? I would have taken his card, put my number on it, and handed it back to him lol. If he didn’t call or arrange anything then I would just blow him off and keep him in the ‘friend zone.’

    #928812 Reply

    Jessie

    Thank you, Lane! I’m actually not entirely sure if he’s single. I didn’t discuss that with him but now it makes me think he could very well be in a relationship but just giving his information as a nice gesture versus doing it to take things further, out of the gym.

    When he mentioned the pretty friend thing, I just smiled and said “hey!” Because he dove immediately into a conversation. I complimented him on his biceps so he knows I’m looking lol.

    #928817 Reply

    Ewa

    You have to think about it because if he is so chatty with you he probably does it with other women too .
    And policeman can’t be trusted so I wouldn’t bother

    #928999 Reply

    Jessie

    I’m back…

    Well here I am a week later and haven’t mustered up the courage to text him. I would’ve done it, no doubt, if I knew he was interested but it’s hard to decipher because he somewhat seemed like he was? Then mentioned taking me somewhere but didn’t lock it down and ask for my number.

    I was hoping I would run into him last night as it was the first time in about 1.5 weeks that I would potentially see him there since he typically goes at that time. And he wasn’t there. I was hoping to maybe chat with him more and get a better feel of it, maybe give him my number, because I still don’t know if I’m crossing any boundaries by texting him out of the blue since he specifically said if I needed any help with anything I could reach out to him. Not just to chit chat and ask him out.

    Should I still wait until the next time I see him, possibly won’t be until the weekend IF he goes at his regular time?

    #929000 Reply

    Ewa

    I am taking his got your number? If he does he knows what to do so no need to text him first.
    If however you’ve got his number but he hasn’t got yours then it would be OK to send him a message stating hey this is my number .
    Don’t ask him out that’s his job

    #929001 Reply

    Ewa

    I meant he’s

    #929007 Reply

    Jessie

    He doesn’t have my number, I only have his. But I don’t see as him offering his number to me because it was a business card with his cel already printed on it, and he didn’t say any it got like “call me anytime, let’s go xyz”. It was “if you need anything, here’s your get out of trouble card”. And didn’t ask me out but just alluded to “I can take you to xyz sometime”. It wasn’t concrete.

    This is just so confusing! I’m interested but don’t want to cross any boundaries or look like a creep if it wasn’t his intention to invite me to call him, yet I don’t want to come off like I’m not interested if I don’t call him within a certain timeframe. I just wish I could run into him again soon but we’re always missing each other lately.

    #929008 Reply

    Ewa

    Jessie well I don’t know about you, but you only live once, you don’t see him at the gym anymore so even if you do text him and he doesn’t reply , you won’t see him again…
    you are overthinking this, if you want to text him do so, don’t ask him out, just say hey his is my number , if he doesn’t reply then at least you will know instead of sit and think about it

    #929012 Reply

    mama

    Typically I’d say let him take the lead and ask you out, but you’ve created so much space in your head regarding this guy, texting him to ask if he wants to meet for coffee some time is probably just fine. Maybe that’s all it will take for him to pick up the lead.

    Who knows… so many guys at the gym come across as creepy if they approach a woman to ask her out. Maybe he knows that and wants to keep that a space safe for you and is waiting to hear from you.

    Ewa is right, just do it! Get it over with so you can move on with a clear mind :)

    #929022 Reply

    Rox

    Hi Jessie,
    If a guy doesn’t make a move to ask you out in the first month. They are just friendly. Some are friendly and flirty and it doesn’t mean anything. Him giving his card shows he is proud to be a cop and is “showing off” a little.
    I definately would not ask him to coffee until you knew he was single, otherwise it can end up a little embarrassing.
    Don’t get yourself hung up over this guy.

    #929024 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    I agree with mama & Ewa that there’s no harm at this point in sending him a text to make sure he has your number. You could say hi, haven’t seen you around lately, this is my number etc.

    I also agree with Rox that you actually don’t know anything about the guy (although if he’s not single, it’s very shady of him to be giving out his card to women at the gym!) If you establish contact and show interest, he should take the initiative and ask you out, in my opinion. Good luck!

    #929045 Reply

    Jessie

    I pulled the trigger and texted him. He seemed pleased to hear from me as he exhibited enthusiasm in his response. Said he hadn’t seen me around but saw me on the road and he wasn’t going to pull me over lol. Then we chatted about other things. The conversation dropped off for a bit. Then an hour later he initiated contact again to chat more. We then started joking about things, told me the times he would be at the gym in which, one of the times this weekend I will be there shortly after. So he said “oh I’ll for sure see you there then!” Conversation ended, then again, later on he initiated. So from my very first text to our last text, it was almost 4 hours.

    I am concluding that he’s just being nice, probably enjoys our conversations at the gym and now over text because we have the same interests. And I’m sort of the nice gym friend he likes to pass time with as he has not asked me out. The conversation was yesterday by the way, and I haven’t heard anything from him today. Alas, it looks like I’m in the friend zone. At least he’s great to talk to and nice to look at :)

    #929052 Reply

    Ewa

    maybe he will ask you out when he sees you, but you still don’t know if he is single? I am guessing you didn’t ask?

    #929055 Reply

    Jessie

    No, I didn’t ask if he was single. I just felt awkward asking that during our text conversation since we were talking about some particular subjects.

    He did send me a couple of messages last night again, out of the blue. But just a random photo of the gym when he was there to show a new piece of equipment. Then a couple of messages and it ended as I knew he was there working out.

    I’ll run into him later and will try to see how he acts. Looking at everything now, it doesn’t appear he is single. Perhaps he just wanted someone to be a confidante. I might end up just asking him although I feel odd just throwing it out there.

    #929057 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    Like I said before, if he’s not single, it’s very shady of him to be giving his number to women at the gym! “Confidante” my a$$. His girlfriend/wife should be his confidante. I’d flip my lid if my bf were giving out his number in search of female “confidantes”.

    Anyway, none of that is on you :-) Good for you for taking the step. I’d ask the guy if he’s single, why not? Just to clarify. If he’s got a girlfriend or asks why you want to know, you could say “it’s strange for a guy who’s not single to be giving his number to women at the gym”. Hopefully he IS single and asks you out, though :-)

    #929080 Reply

    tammy

    he is chatting with you reg so well u could causally just ask a couple of questions. like which side of town he stays, why he decided to become a cop, his family and stuff… you can just kind of let the conversation flow into this. shldnt be too hard since he is happy to chat with you.

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