This topic contains 7 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by tammy 3 weeks, 1 day ago.
September 28, 2021 at 6:16 pm #922607
Lol, so some may remember the last guy I dated was tepid, and slowly fading, now to nothing.
I went on a first date this weekend, we talked a bit online first and things seemed good. The date was going great, we met for billiards, barely finished a game because our conversation was flowing really well. We went to grab a bite, and he was sweet, held my hand to the car, gently kissed good night.
What rubbed me the wrong way was, he was constantly complimenting me. At first it was sweet, but I’m talking like every few minutes he’d say how amazing, beautiful, refreshing etc. I was. Sounds sweet, and maybe I’m reading to much into it, but then he started talking about how he wants to date me, like exclusively date me. He said how he’s been on so many 1st date fails (as have I lol) and that he just wants to pursue me exclusively. Sounds sweet, I guess? But it felt very intense, and way too much on the first date. I responded that I was having a nice time and I would like to see him again. I said I don’t have time to date many people at once, but want to be clear that I just met him, so it’s very new and we’ll see what the future brings. He said ok, he understands, then asked if we could get together Tuesday for bowling. I agreed, and set a time/place. We texted a lil bit each day leading up to today, and he says he’s got to fill in at a school thing for his high schooler but will be free after 8pm (we were supposed to meet at 6) and that if bowling is closed we could do whatever I want, that he’s free all night.
I have to work early in the morning, so I’m not interested in haphazardly going on a unplanned 2nd ‘date’ at 8:30pm just to have to leave in an hour or two.
So I just told him nicely, “I have to work early, so let’s plan another date that works better”…
Thoughts? Am I wrong that he was intense? I was thinking of giving him the benefit of the doubt and seeing how date number 2 goes, but then he “cancels” kinda? And now I’m wondering if it’s even worth it… I Sure Can Pick Them!! LolSeptember 28, 2021 at 6:29 pm #922609
His response now, “ Well, other than tonight. I’m not free this week.
And, we’re gonna be done at 7 — the club usually runs till 8, but it’s the first night; with info and parents, so I’ll be done in about 30 minutes.”
I hate texting, because I read too much into it, but him saying “I’m not free any other night this week” sounds pressuring. But I’ve been in crappy relationship dynamics and don’t want to punish someone new. Is it pressuring or am I reading too much into a text?! Ughhh lolSeptember 28, 2021 at 6:46 pm #922615
I think you did nothing wrong, especially if the plan was to meet at 6pm? Am I right?
I think he retaliated by saying he is not free this week. He is testing you I think.
At this point you do nothing. Stay alert and see what he doesSeptember 28, 2021 at 7:13 pm #922618
My thoughts: if your first date was this past weekend, there’s no big rush to have a 2nd date on the following Tuesday. It’s fair enough if he has to do something for his child (things do come up when you’re a parent) but he should be gracious about rescheduling.
I’ve read psychology articles online that say the best pace for dating a brand new person is seeing them once a week, at least for the first month or so. It keeps you from getting in too deep too quickly. It sounds like this guy was really into you, to the point it made you uncomfortable. That’s all the more reason to pace things and not rush with him. So I don’t see anything wrong with asking to schedule something next week.
I think it’s fine to give him another date even though he was a bit intense on the first one, if you want to see how it goes. But if he can’t accept a reschedule graciously, when he is the person who backed out of your scheduled meeting time, that’s not a good sign.September 28, 2021 at 7:14 pm #922619
You could say something like, “I have to get up early for work and I was really looking forward to bowling! How about next Tuesday?” Or something like thatSeptember 29, 2021 at 12:20 am #922675
Yellow flags here Queenie. That’s way too much flattery and intensity for a first date. I wouldn’t count him out yet, but you’ve had a bit of a warning sign.
Can’t meet until 8:30 on a weeknight, and that’s the only night he has next week?? Nah… that doesn’t feel right, just tell him you could see him next weekend or next week for a 6 or 7 pm date so you can be done by 9.September 29, 2021 at 9:54 am #922789
Yeah, I will say, if he is over-the-top flattering and intense to the point you’re uncomfortable, and then insists on seeing you immediately after your first date and not being gracious about rescheduling– not a good sign. Guys who are controlling and narcissistic tend to suck you in with flattery and intensity, and insist on rushing the pace– and once you’re hooked, they let their true nature show. Not that I’ve been there or anything….*eye roll*
Not trying to be a Debbie Downer! I think giving him another date is fine, to see how you feel. But if he’s a jerk about waiting a week, beware.October 1, 2021 at 10:31 am #923399
i agree with the posters. don’t rush this and don’t let him rush things. i get very wary whn men overdo the flattery. these type of men are usually full of crap and disappear just as fast.