I am unsure what choice to make?!

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This topic contains 12 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Hayley 2 months ago.

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  • #788398 Reply


    Hi all,
    I have posted before, but I am in my early 20s in college. My last leg of junior year got messed up due to COVID-19, as per everyones life. I am now at home, away from the city I go to school in, and am making some odd choices. Before this thing really hit the fan, I was just starting to open up to dating after a rough breakup. I was talking to a different couple of guys, I felt good with starting a new job (now thats pushed back), and like everyone, things changed quickly and now is in quarantine. One guy, from school lives close-ish to me (40 minutes) and we have texted on and off for the past month and a half. We both discussed we want something serious, and things looked positive. I guess in a bored panic, I agreed to meeting up with him on Monday for a date (when I KNOW you shouldn’t be meeting up with ANYONE!, my dad is compromised with stage 3 cancer!). We have tried to get coffee multiple times back on campus, but I was sick, or just wasn’t in the mood to do it. I will admit he has been nice during this whole time and has done nothing wrong. I realize though, I do not think I am attracted to him physically, and that is why I have been pushing this off. I think its extremely unfair, to continue to lead him on when I know deep down we will not click. OH I should make it clear ,I have seen him in real life at a campus event, he didn’t see me, I still had nothing click for me physically. I feel so bad. He sends me good morning texts, and we have similar humor. He has told me that a lot of girls have used him for one night stands, and he usually has been ghosted after. I feel bad cause 1)i agreed to a date during a GLOBAL PANDEMIC and 2) even if the date happens, I just know something won’t click for me and I will have to friendzone him anyway. At the same time, I beat myself up just saying “try it!” instead of over analyzing so goddamn much, but I really am trying to think of his feelings rather than mine, since he seems a lot more into the idea of me, than I with him. He has also said he views a lot of potential with me and how awesome I am (….yet we have never met formally in real life which is a red flag to me, because I have had men romanticize me before).

    Please. How do I phrase that we shouldn’t meetup and that I am not interested as nicely as I can. I need to woman up here a bit. I’ve been using him as a texting buddy. I think if I was really open to it, I would have met him on campus before, but I was having a rough time then and couldn’t see myself acting through with it.

    #788401 Reply


    Before we tell you what to say, how about drafting it yourself and we can give feedback. You are an adult and need to act like one…. this is how you learn.

    #788402 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    Tell him you’ve thought about it, and you can’t meet him for the date because you don’t want to put your dad at risk because of his health problems. Which is what you should be saying/doing anyway, even if you were attracted to this guy. Your dad’s health is paramount.

    #788403 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    And if you are certain you have no interest in him, just be gracious but honest. Tell him it’s been nice texting with him, but you are not interested in dating him and want to be honest with him about it so you don’t waste his time.

    Every woman has in a position where a guy was interested in dating her but she wasn’t. You have to let him down gently. Be polite but clear in your words. Don’t give him false hope.

    #788406 Reply


    Just tell him with the Covid-19 Stay at home orders, You need to cancel.


    #788407 Reply


    Youre the same girl that had one date with a guy and cancelled the second one you had planned? And now planning a date with another man?
    If you dont know how to date, vet guys and weed out weirdo’s this is the absolute worst time to start. All you can do is text and you seem to be clueless as in what is appropriate. Yes a guy telling you he sees potential is nuts. Yes planning a date when everyone has been asked to stay home is even more nuts. But you can use this time to read up on dating and buy some good books.

    #788408 Reply


    @ Newbie I don’t think that’s me. I haven’t been out on a date since late December with a guy I was seeing where I met his family. So unsure what you’re talking about.

    And thank you all for input. I realize what I did!

    #788409 Reply


    Oh i apologize then. Was the almost same name. But still watch out with texting. It creates false vibes of intimacy fast

    #788413 Reply


    Tell him the truth. Right now the virus and your Dad are at the top of the list. You are not in a romantic mood. Just chatting to stop boredom but not to get involved or date.

    #788415 Reply


    Hi Hayley,

    In my opinion, one of the nice ways to say you’re not interested is to not say you’re not interested. Perhaps you can say something like “I know you want something serious. I want something serious too, and because it’s serious, I prefer to keep looking, meet new people, and make friends with a number of guys so that I can find a potential life partner that is most compatible with me and meets all my personal requirements.” This shows that your decision isn’t because of him but also makes it obvious to him that you value and love yourself, hence you have a perfect reason to keep looking for all the good ones out there. If you want to make it sound gentler you can add “I’m sorry if I’m picky but relationship is a serious matter to me.”


    #788416 Reply


    What Liz Lemon said. With the pandemic and your father, you absolutely just can’t go on a date. 40 minutes away from each other is far enough. By the time the pandemic is over, this could frizzle out anyway and your problem will be solved.

    #788424 Reply


    Dont say what Melia said! That sounds awful!!

    Just say the truth- you can’t meet up mid pandemic and your dad is high risk. I mean why would you even want to risk your dad’s health for a date anyway? Particularly a date with a man you are not at all into?

    Tell the truth about the valid reason you must not meet and add that you are off dating in general and whilst you enjoy chatting you don’t see yourself as being in the place to start a serious relationship and you feel you need to let him know that so you dont waste his time.

    #788425 Reply


    Felt like I should update and say that I told him that I don’t think its the smartest thing to meetup during a global pandemic, especially since my dad is extremely immunocompromised. I told him about my dad weeks ago, so he understood. I’m slowly backing off, but none the less, it isn’t happening. I hope you all are staying healthy, and keeping your sanity during these weird times!

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