How would you handle this situation?

@Dangerouse I’m a bit confused by your answer honestly.. Where did I talk about other women on his phone?

Maybe I wasn’t clear (English is not my mother tongue), but he isn’t and doesn’t talk to his exes anymore, but they did have a problem with this particular friend of him. I mentioned his exes to give a background about the kind of problems he had because of the weird indecent behavior of this girl that he has known since high school.

The image of him being a player punk made me laugh haha he is nothing like that, but I don’t know if I should tolerate that girl in his life knowing what I wrote in my first post.

*feelings

*sees something long term

Im a bit confused here. This guy finally realized this woman cant be full on in his life so he took a step back and didnt take her call. And then you got upset and it turned into a fight. I dont see what he has done wrong in this case. I guess you want the girl gone, but you are only dating for 4 months. Take a deep breath and just see how it goes

He knows this woman is a problem. Tell him when he finally wants to totally be free of her let you know.

He knows how to get rid of her…trust me.

Until then you cannot get close to a man who has a woman swarming him. That will never work for you.

Not at all a weirdo, relaxy. Rather I admire women like you. No judgement towards those who arent, but I’m personally unattracted to women who naturally don’t prefer to shut down inappropriate attention from creeps, ex’s etc

I knew an acquaintance who didnt respect boundaries when I was taken. Flirting, sex talk, innuendos etc So I shunned her from talking, texting to me privately. She created only mild issues in my rship which we got past, but I lost a lot of trust and respect for her.

Now that I’m single she assumed I’d be more open to reciprocate her advances. We texted privately just this week after a year, and she wanted me to call her. Except I’m the exact same and realized I still prefer talking to her in our group chat with other people as that keeps her in check. She can be a good laugh/talk/person, but the respect I lost for her character didnt come back and might not ever

So I read your original post again. I guess I just assumed he had a bunch of women on his phone, sorry. And you say hes not a player type?

I noticed you said on the second date he mentioned her.

Later, she hit him up while he was with you. That means they are in regular communication. If she was nothing but a long past nothing, he would have blocked her ages ago.

Especially if a guy plans on dating and doesn’t want to be disturbed by a former girlfriend and troublemaker, he would be darn sure to keep her out of his life.

Hes doing the opposite. Hes talking about her and returning her calls.

Hes still majorly invested in this person. Imo.

@Dangerouse When she called, he told me it was really random of her because it’s been a while since. I don’t know really… I know that on Halloween, he wanted to see a music group perform at a club (he asked me to go, but I couldn’t that night), so he asked his group of friends on their friends group chat and she was the only person available. By himself, he canceled his plan and didn’t go with her even though he was really excited about that music group. That was the last time he mentioned her before Monday.

When he mentioned her, we were getting to know each others and I was curious about his friends and where he’s coming from, so he was also telling me about his other friends, but this one friend sticked into my head because he was honest and told me that he found her weird sometimes. I do agree that he should have cut her off ages ago, but what do I answer to his ‘I don’t want drama in our group of friends’ argument?

And Friday was his idea because HE wants to talk about it. He’s like that: he can’t ignore something that makes me upset and he wants us to fix it before moving forward. He’s the kind of person who wants to fix things right away and talk talk talkkkk about it while I get more distant and tend to need space. I know he’ll be the first to bring the subject and won’t let go until he feels I’m okay.

Anyways. I feel less angered, but I’m deeply hurt. I feel disrespected and I’m trying to find the right words to explain why.

@Liz Lemon I’m 22 and he’s 24

I agree: I can’t force him to do anything. I think I’ll just ask him what he wants from this relationship with this girl. Monday, he said that he wants to figure out a solution that won’t create awkwardness and drama in his friends group and that will also make me comfortable. So I’ll ask him if he thought about a solution and how he’s going to apply it.

I see this differently. You are punishing him simply because a girl he is friends with called him! It’s not like he was allowing the girl to flirt with him and caress all over his lap like he did in front of his ex. This was a simple phone call and you got into a fight about it! He didn’t take the call In front of you because he thought it would be disrespectful and you STILL get mad at him! Poor guy can’t win. He wants to talk it over but you ignore him because you “don’t even know if it’s worth it anymore”? If you care so little for that guy that a random phone call from a friend sets you off to not even want to be in a relationship with him then please let him go!!

You can’t drag what happened in his other relationship into your relationship. Yes this girl has gotten him in trouble with other girlfriends before but you shouldn’t let that affect your relationship. Admittedly he hasn’t spoken to her in months, and you are punishing him because she calls while you two are on a date. And guess what…he can tell this girl he doesn’t want to talk to her and to never call him again. But he can’t control what she does and if she does contact him are you seriously going to end the relationship over it? That sounds incredibly immature to me.

He canceled going out to see a music group when it was just her going and not more friends. It doesn’t sound like he is doing anything to encourage her behavior. And by the way having a man who wants to talk things over and fix things and won’t let go of it until he feels you are okay with it is an AMAZING trait in a boyfriend! Most guys want to avoid drama or hard conversations at all costs! So throwing away this relationship because some friend calls him out of the blue sounds like your issue and not his. You say he did nothing so far to fix it, but exactly what do you want him to do? Let’s say he agrees never to speak to this girl again, but the next time his friends invite him out to go to a movie, go bowling or whatever it is they do she’s there. Do you expect him to leave? Give up his entire group of friends because of one person?

I think you are acting childish, jealous, and insecure. Clearly if he wanted to be with this girl he could, but he chose you. And you are bound and determined to let her win because if she knows she gets under your skin and can cause issues with your relationship you are giving her way too much power. And you don’t think if he does tell her he can’t talk to her or hang out with her anymore and she ask why he’s not going to say it’s because of you? If you want him to set boundaries then you need to decide what will work. You can’t tell him he can’t have friends. But you can tell him this girl’s actions are inappropriate with him especially when he is in a relationship and you don’t want them to be alone together and you expect him to limit his interactions with her. But trying to control him and what he does will only backfire on you. And make you look like the jealous, insecure girlfriend who doesn’t trust her boyfriend.

The solutions are actually endless and not the problem here. Seems to me he isnt ready or old enough for such exclusivity and compromises at 22.

Sure not every guy is the same. But myself at 23 I had a 6 month summer love yet was openly talking/flirting with 3 other female “friends.” Nothing physical. I think if I was asked to stop talking or flirting with them, I may have struggled to because I didnt completely want to. That is, if I was even capable or mature enough to prioritize the rship, even if it had been serious, over those “funships” back then. And mind you I wasn’t a total scumbag, but a relatively polite/considerate person. Not to mention, back then my ego and self esteem needed and thrived on attention from women. Fast forward today and everything’s different

So I feel it’s not so much about how to, or potential awkwardness in the group. But whether he wholeheartedly wants to. Being 22 and letting go or shutting down a questionable long term friend who strokes his ego like that? He has my respect if he achieves appropriate boundaries with her. I’ve known guys who were 28-33 and weren’t able to, and inevitably it poisoned some of their rships. But hey hopefully I’m wrong, and he’s an exception to the norm, and it works out for y’all. Good luck