How to redeem from being the crazy


Home Forums How To Get My Ex Back How to redeem from being the crazy

This topic contains 33 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Crisula 4 days, 17 hours ago.

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  • #354851 Reply

    kate

    I was seeing this guy for 3 months, which started shortly after finally making myself happy after another relationship. I called it off because he wouldn’t put a label on it even though we were extremely happy. I really think he is the one…Here’s where it gets complicated; we stayed friends and talked for 2 months now after it was called quits. Made me happy and felt like one day we could work it out again, however ive became so unhappy and depressed I have been so cranky toward him lately and he finally said enough is enough. I send 5 mes. W.o. a reply. Get drunk and text him. Tell him 1 min. I miss him then the other id be just fuck buddies (just so I could see him again). Ive also torn him apart and pointed out his flaws. Ive appologized 5 times today w. No response and told him this wasnt like me and im just in a slump. Im afraid ive dug myself in to far to save this one but not a day goes by without me thinking about how happy I was which makes me sad now because im a mess. I need help!

    #354861 Reply

    Lexi

    Hey Kate,

    Gonna give you some tough love here. First off, give him some space, and by that I mean don’t contact him unless he contacts you. That sounds tough but if he’s telling you enough is enough he’s really telling you look, the way you’re acting is stressing me out and I need you to leave me alone right now. You didn’t need to tell him you were in a slump cause he probably already knew you were based on the way you said you are acting. If thats still difficult to do think of it this way: put yourself in his shoes and his in yours. Imagine a guy you dated for 3 months and then stayed friends with had been friends with had recently been whining to you all the time and being generally negative. Eventually that would drain you right? And then, say you’re like look that’s enough you can’t keep acting like this and his response is to keep texting you and then apologizing a bunch of times. You’d probably get more annoyed and think he was being needy, and that the profuse texting was unnecessary. If you’re already drained and/or annoyed that’s just gonna piss you off more girl or guy. Guy’s aren’t that different than girls. Any person is going to get drained when someone is negative, and after a while just needs some space.

    On another note something I’ve learned in my relationships: Your own emotions are your own responsibility. Yes, its okay to tell someone you’re upset or be in a bad mood from time to time. But if you’re down, its not appropriate to be continuously taking it on someone else and that includes venting, getting angry, being generally mopey, making constant excuses for your poor behavior. Again, put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Say you have a girl friend who just was in a breakup. That first week that she’s upset you’re there for her, help her out, let her cry. But if she continues to do that week after week for a month, it becomes too much for you as a friend to handle. You know that you supporting her at that point isn’t helping her or you. When it comes down to it, the person that can make you feel happy or depressed is you, no one else. Emotions come from inside. Yes, situations can effect them, but ultimately its you who controls how you feel.

    So stop worrying about this guy. If he cares about you too he’ll come back. And if doesn’t you’ll be happy again. Emotions go up and down in life, and every slump ends. Instead of worrying about ruining things with him, because in truth you have no control over his emotions or life, and he already know’s you’re sorry for how you acted, just focus on the things in life that make you happy. Yeah, you might not feel your best right now, but trust me, just doing things that make you a little happier can make a heck of a difference.

    #354862 Reply

    Lexi

    Sorry about some of those typos, it’s a little late.

    #355158 Reply

    kate

    Thanks for your help lexi…do you think if I apply the no contact rule for 30 days I should text him with a nice text that draws back from the fun we use to have or have I dug myself to far in to be redeemed?

    #355199 Reply

    LAgirl

    Kate,
    Not sure I understand … Was he your BF or were you just attempting to see each other again after a break up?

    I would stay silent. See if he comes back to you. It seems you were not happy in this relationship or you would not have gone off. Did he really make you happy or are you just upset it’s finally over. Sometimes trying to fix a relationship that isn’t working results in more heartache …

    See if he comes back to you, but don’t count on it… Just keep living your life.

    #355229 Reply

    kate

    He was my boyfriend for 3 months and helped me through a lot and helped me realize my previous relationship of 7 years was unhealthy. I had issue with my past exes too, but just feel like this time I really lost something I want. This guy and me stayed close at first but I kept saying I didnt want anything because I did not want to seem needy or desperate…and 1 day I just blew and got mad about not being anything even though we both would contact each other at least 3x a week. Then when we would talk it just constantly turn into me nagging. Ripping him apart. Drunk texting him etc. And i knew i had to calm down but its not easy. I finally made the initiative to stop texting him after talking to him yesterday about things and leaving things on a better note then my drunk text from the weekend. Im just hoping after 30 days of fixing myself I will be able to talk to him but I dont want to be the girl who gets ignored because all my fixing could get ruined from 1 day. I just really dont want to let this one get away.

    #441619 Reply

    Sonia

    I was seeing this guy for about 6 months, things were going really well. I may not have recognized that he had a slight drinking problem, until one night he got super drunk, embarrassed me completely in front of my closest friend, and decided to pick me up, only to drop me on the ground leaving me with severe wounds on my face and a broken shoulder. Now I know he did not do this to me intentionally, but he did drink out of control to cause all this havoc. He then proceeded to go out the very night I ended up going to the hospital, into the next day. I still kept my patience until I had enough, and decided to break up with him. I had to miss work for six weeks, and upon returning to my job, the pain in my shoulder was unbearable. I know I was raised to be a lady, but I texted him and cursed him out for the physical pain I was feeling, and the fact that I was so far behind in my job. Now I feel terrible that I stooped so low. I feel very guilty, how do I stop feeling this way? I’ve blocked his number, I do not want to contact him ever again, but I need and want to get over him and the relationship, but just don’t know how to.

    #441636 Reply

    JR

    Give him space, no more contact from you. Don’t even bother. You did what you did, you can’t take that back. Don’t sulk in your mistake just keep you head high. If he has his space he may reach out and prob laugh at it. Don’t reach out to him, even if you don’t hear from him after your 30 NC. You sounded so desperate, you need to give him his space.

    #441646 Reply

    redcurleysue

    You have the right to feel that your misery was his fault – cause it was.

    He has a drinking problem? Say no more…out to the curb.

    #446150 Reply

    Monique

    Well my situation is a little different
    I ve been with my ex for six years and we
    Had our ups and down like any other couple
    Let’s just say my mouth can be reckless but
    Please understand with his cold ways cause me
    to react that way. Well he dump me a month ago
    and I was so hurt.He gave me the whole its me not you bull crap. What is crazy is in May i was
    in the hospital for three weeks. And he stood by
    my side and took care of me and gave me so much love . I got out of the hospital and spent the whole weekend together and things were good
    until I found some numbers with names and i was so upset about it when I brought it to his attention he got so mad at me and I left his house so we didn’t talk for a couple of days
    and bam I found that I am pregnant long story short he does not want me to keep our baby.Now here i am pregnant and alone just recently i went to his house and acted a damn fool he never open the door he never answer my texts its like we were never together im just so angry with him
    for leaving me after six years. I’m just emotional right now and I don’t know what to do i need some advice.

    #446161 Reply

    Nana

    So I’m sure a lot of women have gone through this but I honestly don’t know how to handle this situation. I met a guy, I’m 27 and he is 26. We had so much fun together and I thought he liked me. We would hook up and it was amazing, he told me so many times that he couldn’t wait to see me and he would text me several times. I have 2 kids and recently divorced, I don’t think I’m ready for another relationship but I didn’t want to lose home for good. Anyway after the last time we hooked up he didn’t call or text for days. Then finally I text him asking if he wanted to get a drink with me that weekend and he said he had to work (which I know was a lie). I then asked him what the matter was and he said he saw I was getting feelings for him and he needed space. I didn’t understand that, why was that a bad thing? I know initially we got in this thing as fwb but isn’t it normal to develop feelings eventually? Since then he has been so cold, barely answering my text and acting like I don’t have emotions what so ever. It just hurts and I don’t know how to approach this because I really like him and saw us together. I sent him another text a week later to see if we could talk about it and he blew me off by saying talk about what. I just don’t understand what went wrong. Is it too late to get him back, he never really gave me a chance and I can’t live with that. I miss being around him, he made me feel happy again and now he’s just gone.

    #446167 Reply

    Hannah

    Hey everyone! I’d suggest starting a new post with your problem. It makes it easier to focus on helping just you

    #446249 Reply

    Monique

    Well my situation is a little different
    I ve been with my ex for six years and we
    Had our ups and down like any other couple
    Let’s just say my mouth can be reckless but
    Please understand with his cold ways cause me
    to react that way. Well he dump me a month ago
    and I was so hurt.He gave me the whole its me not you bull crap. What is crazy is in May i was
    in the hospital for three weeks. And he stood by
    my side and took care of me and gave me so much love . I got out of the hospital and spent the whole weekend together and things were good
    until I found some numbers with names and i was so upset about it when I brought it to his attention he got so mad at me and I left his house so we didn’t talk for a couple of days
    and bam I found that I am pregnant long story short he does not want me to keep our baby.Now here i am pregnant and alone just recently i went to his house and acted a damn fool he never open the door he never answer my texts its like we were never together im just so angry with him
    for leaving me after six years. I’m just emotional right now and I don’t know what to do i need some advice.

    #446253 Reply

    Ms. Johnson

    Ok dear let me give you some honesty
    Just let it go and move on with your life it
    sounds like what you two had was a friendship
    with benefits. In the beginning did you make it
    clear you wanted a relationship? Or did you just
    go with the flow? Regardless of what he has
    made it clear that he doesn’t want to be
    be with you. Respect the fact that he is
    being honest instead of leading you on
    its not like you guys been dealing for
    years and besides if you and him never
    had a understanding its just better to
    walk away.

    #534361 Reply

    olivia

    Kate,
    What ever happened with this situation? I am currently in one very similar.

    #534364 Reply

    Khadija

    Olivia,
    This post dates back to July 2014. How about you create your own post.

    #534377 Reply

    buzy lyzy

    You called it off. So like a man does he took took it as it is over between you guys. It probably hurt him but he took it. You agree to stay friends and i am sure he agreed to it because you probably confused him when you called it off and was just happy to have you as a friend and probably thought you were cool as hell for being able to end it and still be friends. let me ask you, is he showing interest in other women? If that’s the case he is moving on.
    Text after text and phone call after phone call pushes a guy even further away. It makes you unattractive and he is probably relieved you ended it.
    For me i think the crazy comes out when you feel you have lost control of the situation and you fight to gain it back when it shouldn’t have been under anyone’s control to begin with. What about him makes him so special? Is it the comfort of having the companionship? If that’s the case get a dog. They’re more loyal anyway. Sexual urges? Get a vibrator. Sorry to sound vulgar but it has it’s perks…personally i think the fwb is rediculous. Sex complicates things. I am sure there are individuals out there who may disagree and probably have sex with someone and not feel anything for them…but what did it do to the other person? I think sex should be kept for when you get to know and really want to be with someone and that someone wants you back. I think you give a part of yourself emotionally (wether you want to or not) to that person when you have sex. I am not telling you or anyone what to do but in my experience, it’s best just to grow from the experience, cut your losses, practice self control, lick the wounds of your pride, and look forward with hope.

    #547936 Reply

    jasmine

    I MET A GUY AFTER MY DIVORCE , HE TREATED ME LIKE A QUEEN , HE MADE SURE I AND MY KIDS WAS TAKING CARE OF , BUT WE STARTED TO ARGUE MORE , SOMETIMES IT WAS HIM SOMETIMES IT WAS ME , THEN ONE DAY I BROKE IT OFF WITH HIM BECAUSE HE SHOWED ME NO EFFECTION , NO LOVE , HE STILL DID TAKE ME PLACES LIKE TO WORK AND DROP KIDS OFF PLACES BUT HE NEVER SHOWED ME ANY KIND OF ATTENTION WHEN I TALK HE SAID “HE DONT HEAR ME CAUSE HE WANNA CLEAR HIA MIND , BUT BACK TO THE BREAK UP I BROKE UP WITH HIM FR ALL THESE REASONS , I WAS A GREAT GF BUT AFTER THE BREAKUP HE IGNORED ME WHICH MADE ME PANIC CAUSE I ONLY LEFT HIM SO HE COULD CHANGE NOT BECAUSE I REALLY WANTED OUT , HE IGNORED ME MADE ME FEEL LOW AND EVEN STARTED TALKING TO OTHER FEMALES , I TEXTED HIM 100 TIMES LOL YEA THAT MUCH TRYING TO APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT I DIDNT DO BUT BECAUSE I BROKE UP WITH HIM HE BLAMED EVERYTHING ON ME SO I KEPT APOLOGIZING , AFTER I STOPPED CONTACTING HIM HE CAME BACK AND SAID HE WANTED ME BACK , I HAD SEX WITH HIM HE GOT ME FLOWERS AND CANDY AND STUFF BUT SAID HE WANTED TO WAIT ON A RELATIONSHIP ?? WHAT THE HEXK SO BASICALLY YOU PLAYED ME HERE THEN GONE TELL ME WAIT 7 DAYS THEN WE CAN GET BACK TOGETHER I PANICKED AND LEFT AGAIN THIS TIME I SAID SORRY AND SENT HIM MORE MESSAGES NOW HE NOT RESPONDING WHATS GOING ON WITH ME IM AN EMOTIONAL WRECK

    #547944 Reply

    Raven

    OMG… TURN OFF YOUR CAPS!!

    #574299 Reply

    Sara

    Hi, I need some advice
    So I have been seeing this guy for two months now. He is a friend from class…I was in a relationship for 2yrs so I always turned down the idea of us until the end of August after my break up. I went into it knowing it was probably just gonna end up being a fwb situation. We’ve had fun so far and things have been all casual. Last time we hung out, I asked if he was seeing other people and he said he was seeing another friend also. That day I didn’t say much…we had sex and I left the next day. I got home and started thinking about it and the more I did the more I realized I wasn’t ok not being exclusive. So my first question is (1) am I wrong for feeling this way?
    Well i messaged him two days after saying I needed some me time to decide if that was something I was ok with but here’s the tricky part..when I sent that I just meant I didn’t want to come over for the weekend but we could definitely text but I think he took it as no contact at all. I saw him in school two days after and the vibe was just different so I decided to text him when I got home and asked if I could call to talk on the phone (ps we have never had a phone call) but he declined saying he wasn’t feeling it and I said ok I guess it will have to be till when next we see. So now I’m stuck cause I feel I scared him off by asking for some time and in the text I sent I said I liked him and maybe I shouldn’t have. I’m just wondering where this leaves me. I feel I’m being misunderstood , I don’t want any sort of commitment and I feel that’s what he might think at this point…I know if I text again then I will look crazy so I’m stuck and I don’t know if I wanna wait till I see him cause what if he never sends a text to hang out.I just wanna go back to the fun part like this never happened.

    #574324 Reply

    Christine

    You can’t redeem yourself from this one. You sound really unstable. Get professional help. You can’t hide these kind of issues and you obviously can’t currently control them. I’m not trying to hurt your feelings, but I have seen plenty of women who act just like you, and they can’t hold onto a guy for more than a short period of time. You need to get normal and stable to have a good relationship with a man.

    #574332 Reply

    Sara

    Just a quick update. He called today and I cleared the air. So so yh thanks but no thanks @Christine .

    #574356 Reply

    Pandora

    Sara, I think Christine was replying to the original post…
    sometimes people dont take notice of the dates and are not reading the whole thread, they just reply to to original post

    anyway, how you cleared the air? good for you

    but be aware, fwb situations can be tricky…. and nobody likes the idea, that they have sex with somebody and the said person has sex with somebody else as well and dont even deny it…

    #574663 Reply

    Alexa

    I left my husband less than two weeks ago. He immediately jumped into a relationship two days later from an online dating site and he only got this girl to talk to him because he mentioned his job and how much he makes. He did that to get back at me. Two days after he met her he was telling her he loves her and he’s spending money on her and her kid. Now, I love this man with all of my heart. I left him because I felt like the children and I were being a burden. I turned it into a fight when I left though. I don’t know why, I was just so hurt at that moment. Well he’s liking her pictures, telling her he misses her and things like that. I wanted him to see that his family is what he needs but how can I when he’s already moved on? Is it really just a rebound and what he’s doing will stop? Is there a chance that I could get him back?

    #574677 Reply

    Nat

    You walked away from your marriage, took the father of your children away from them because you wanted to prove something?

    He goes and hooks up with someone immediately.

    You deserve each other. But I feel sorry for your kids.

    One of you has to grow up.

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