How to navigate online dating


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  • #865735 Reply
    Kate

    So I’m in my early 20’s and I’m new to online dating apps. I’ve been on one since mid-February. And I’m finding it so hard to tell the good guys from the time wasters/just for sex etc. guys. I’ve talked to several guys and it all seems to be going great, then they say something that turns me off and that’s the end of it. Or else I say something and I never hear back from them. It’s the same over and over again.

    From your experience of online dating, how do you figure it out? What’s the best way to talk to a guy to know if he is genuine? And what not to say? What should I watch out for?

    Also, if a guy asks to meet me, what should I expect as a first date/meeting? I’ve been told to have high standards, but due to covid, I’m very unsure of what I should expect. I’ve rarely dated due to university and sports training leaving very little time so I feel so new to the whole dating scene.

    Thank you for yoir advice!

    #865737 Reply
    Ewa

    You’re only young so unfortunately you will meet a lot of time wasters whether you want it or not.
    I think most women will say do not text for too long but don’t posh people to meet you . In my case if a guy is not asking me out after 3 days of talking I’m out.
    Don’t accept home dates or guys asking you to come to their houses. You don’t have to go to expensive places , coffee date or even going out for drinks should be fine.
    But being 20 I wouldn’t take online dating seriously. There is a lot of time wasters on there especially if you use tinder, it’s mainly just for sex .

    #865946 Reply
    Erin

    Okay,so, most people are not who they appear to be online, that is the first rule, take everything with a pinch of salt when you’re matching someone.

    Online dating profile is like shopping and product placement, so people want to look at marketable and valuable as possible

    Need further proof?

    1)Nearly every guy has a picture with a dog

    2)Every guy is a world traveler (pictures with satchels in an exotic land, pictures posing in from of international monuments/places)

    3)Oh yes craft beer hobby (cue guy holding huge beer mug)

    4) Shirtless mirror pics showing how jacked they are

    5)Restaurant pics eating some cool food with friends

    6)Partaking in activities like mountain climbing, mountain biking, surfing etc..

    5) Medical doctors and engineers usually writing on their bios!

    6) Ah yes the guitar players or some instrument

    7) Crossfit yoga or some form of yoga etc

    2 in 5 guys will turn out to be decent matches. 1 will remain consistent which leaves you with 1 in 5. But who cares, swipe some more girl!

    Don’t invest emotionally too early in anyone, take it as just getting to know people and having fun, it’s not that deep.

    If you meet up then you ain’t hear from them again or there is no second date, onto the next one.

    If they stop replying to your messages or you’re the one who always initiates contact, step back.

    Texting too much (1-2 weeks max) without meeting, then it ain’t gonna happen unless they’ve travelled

    All interactions done on the app, no exchanging numbers. This type will usually stand you up for dates, you can’t call them or text them!

    Guys who don’t write anything in their bios? mostly want just sex, same with guys with Shirtless pictures.

    Guys who open conversations with how sexy, hot, delicious, yummy you are also want just sex.

    Guys who quickly comment on your bo.obs or a*ss want just sex.

    Time wasters outnumber the real ones especially on apps like Tinder.

    OKC has some pretty decent people because people just say what they want and are looking for, maybe not with you per se but it’s out there! There’s a match percentage and answers to questions comparisons.

    I’ve heard Bumble and Hinge seem to be coming up as well,I’ve never used them.

    All in all, have fun, expect nothing, get to know people, see yourself as the ‘Bachelorette’ who’s got to land her bachelor by the process of elimination based upon connection and impression. If they don’t match your standards, they’re out of the game.

    #865969 Reply
    Eva

    Firstly, stop caring so much. During the initial stages anyone can stop texting at anytime. If you say something he doesn’t like and he doesn’t reply any more, it just means you weren’t compatible. Would you like to have constantly analyze what you’re about to say? No, it’s exhausting. Also sometimes people disappear for reasons totally unrelated to you.
    It’s pretty much a standard that no explanation is offered if someone disappears before some solid dating routine is formed. So don’t even consider falling for someone too soon!
    Don’t engage with guys far away from your area. The definition of what is far depends on your area. In some places 1h drive is business as usual, in others it’s long distance. Definitely noone who could ask something along the lines “can I crash at your place, it’s too late to drive”

    How long till he asks you out, hmm it depends on the dynamics and content of the texting, at some point you will feel like you’re ready to accept his invitation, and if he doesn’t ask you out soon, I’d cross him off. Ewa said her rule is 3 days, mine is up to 7. Unless one of us specified that we have something in our lives right now that makes it inconvenient to meet right now (exam, important business deadline), but plans should be made immediately afterwards.

    As for dates, it may depend on where you are and currently on the covid measures. In countries that are still in a lockdown there is literally nothing to do other than going for a walk (no housedates as a first date please!).
    I’m personally against coffee dates, as that feels too short to build some sort of interest. In my area going for a beer seems to be a standard, and usually 2 or even 3 rounds are ordered. Know your limit if you’re going for drinks. Some people like to do sporty stuff (hikes, bike rides, minigolf etc.). In some areas even dinner dates are a standard.
    Basically the rule is it should be in public, relatively easy to get out (don’t be a jerk with fake emergency calls, have one coffee/drink and then leave) and something you can afford if he wants to split the bill (which again depends on the region/culture). It’s wise to let a friend know where you’re going and with whom.

    The selection process itself- text with him for some time, if he raises enough interest (and asks in a reasonable time window) you meet him and from there it’s trusting your gut feelings. If he’s throwing out sexual jokes and/or overly touchy-thouchy, you know what he’s after. Listen to what is he telling you about himself, is he paying enough attention to you etc. Don’t convince yourself “he’s soooo great” after 1-2 dates, it’s him who needs to convince you he’s great.
    Sex after the 3rd date is a line from the American movies, not something you should adhere to ;)

    Most importantly, have fun and don’t take (negative) outcomes too seriously. If you’re frustrated take a break, it’s supposed to be fun. Good luck!

    #866061 Reply
    Raven

    Generally speaking…

    Don’t take things personally.
    Meet lots of guys.
    You will see the same guys on multiple sites, over & over again…
    There’s not a big difference between pay & free sites.

    I met a lot of really nice guys. I met a couple creeps, too.
    Do not be afraid to say no… Don’t linger on the app. Meet as soon as possible.

    Have fun!

    I met my husband online.

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