how often do guys come back after disappearing

Hi All here is my story. Met a guy through his brother who lived in the same area as myself in 2009. Worked with the brother. There was nothing between us. This guy was still married but said his wife was planning to divorce him, shortly after that he returned back to Canada, originally he had come from the same town as myself. We lost contact after he returned back to Canada. The in 2011, he located me through facebook and invited me as a friend. He stated that his wife had cheated on him while he was visiting his brother and shortly after that she left him for another man. He sounded like he wanted a shoulder to cry on more than anything else and then stated he was now single for more than year, which I found out was indeed the case. Be as it may he maintained regular contact with me through facebook and then at the end of 2011, he offered to buy me a ticket to come over and visit himself and his kids. I went. I stayed for several months and during that time we became involved and had a relationship. From there we got involved in a relationship but it was not without trouble. I noted that this man drank heavily. I then had to return back to my place of birth and he continued to maintain contact with me but I had a feeling that once I was out the way he moved other woman in. He told me they were borders??? and then for a while he suddenly disappeared after telling me he wished for myself and him to become husband and wife and I was to immigrate to Canada. At a stage I honestly believed this man was no longer around, as his telephone had been cut and he was no longer on facebook either. I went on one date with a guy and out of no where this man appeared once again. He had countless excuses even telling me he had had a stroke, been in jail for assault……. I called his work and they stated that he had never had a stroke. It went on like this for another two years, he would maintain regular contact with me, talking to me like he had spoken to me the day before, calling me his pet name for me Angel and then once again disappear, leaving me wondering just what was going on. Afterwards he would block his number and it would come up on private. His family lived in the same area as myself and then suddenly they turned on me for no reason and relocated, I got a feeling he had been bad mouthing me for no reason and telling them he was not involved with me anymore. I went through a really rough time, lost my job as the company liquadated at the end of 2015 and when I told him this, he laughed at me and slammed down the phone, then he called to apologise and made some excuse, after that I never heard from him for another year he just disappeared. Then in 2016 suddenly he reappeared, he had one excuse after thee other and invited me back onto his facebook. I noted he gave his status as single but was inboxing me calling me angel and I love you. He told me he had been in jail but his posts proved otherswise as he had been on facebook. He kept up the correspondence for sometime but could only ever call me on a weeknd and then out of no where I got an email from his account to mine, saying that he had a live in girlfriend for the past two years, and his ex wife living with the daughter down in the basement. It was apparently written by some woman and she said the reason why he only called me on weekends is because she was not there. I was shocked and when he called me again I questioned him about this. He told me that the person who had written the email had got hold of his ipad, she was a tenant and in love with him and he said his ex wife was indeed living down in the basement but was planning soon to leave, I looked her up on facebook and noted that in fact she had now become involved with another man and was indeed living with him. He further stated that the tenant had had him up for assault and he was not even allowed near his own home???? but she was allowed to live there and because she also attacked him, she had to spend weekends in jail. Then he would inbox me and tell me that he wished to come back to his place of birth, he had lost his job, his kids were treating him badly. Next thing I got an email written from his account by his daughter stating her father was now in jail and requesting my physical address so he could write to me. I wrote back and said what is he in jail for?? She replied Drinking under the influence. I told her I only had a PO BOX to which mail got delivered but if she could tell me where he was been held I would write to him. At any rate I gave him a fake address in the coastal town I was living and heard nothing more, I live in a very up market coastal town but I was darned I was giving the correct street name and address. I got a feeling he was going to get people to check on me. I then asked a place in Canada that deals with prisoners to try and locate him. They came back after two weeks and told me that a person by that name had never been taken into custody ever as they have contact with all the prisons. I wrote to his email stating this and Then I noted that he was on facebook but when I later questioned him about this, he told me that he had facebook access in jail lol. He then said I must please start looking for work for him as he planned to return to his place of birth in the future. I told him I would look for emoloyment for him and send him the links which I did. I never heard from him again for a few months again then out of no where he would inbox me and say HI ANGEL how you doing……….. I noted on his birthday his brother and cousin and his mother had written that they cannot wait to see him once again back here where we live. He had never mentioned to me he intended to come back home anytime soon or the dates but it appeared he had discussed in length with them, this is a man who side I have never left, he had many issues and I was the only person who was always there to take his call. I found it odd that a person who I was involved with, had a relationship with for long time, then he disappeared and reappeared and declared his undying love for me would not mention this to me. Tonight after near to a month of hearing nothing from him, he inboxed me on facebook stating he has no access to the internet for a while, but I had seen that he had continued to post, he said he stays with his son and he cannot wait to stay with me once he returns to our place of birth at the end of this month and can he come and stay with me lol. I asked him does he have employment here. The answer was no Angel. Then he said would I fetch him. I live no where near to where he would land but in another town now, this he knows but it was almost like he was trying to catch me out. Then I said to him that I had just noted a post his mother posted to his wall stating that she was first coming to Canada and he could come back with her, so perhaps could he just confirm what dates he would be coming. He never answered that question. Then he asked if I would let an old friend of his here know he is planning to return. When I said sure, but give me one of your relatives contact details so he can contact you, he said leave it I will contact him once I am there. I never once said to him sure you can come and stay with me as that is the furthest thing from my mind. This man I have allowed to put my life on hold from 2011 to now. Just as I move on he reappears. He does not sound mentally right to me anymore. I know his a bullsh#tter and he treats me like an option. In truth had I heard two years ago he was coming to his place of birth where I stay, I would have been over the moon but now I just feel that when I needed this man the most he disappeared and for a long time until I suspect he was stalking around on facebook and noted I am now once again back on my feet and happy. Its very hurtful and I truly have no idea what to make of it. I do not believe he will ever get me out of his mind but at the same time he treats me like an option. I never told him that I am planning a trip to Australia to visit my niece and her husband and I plan to stay a while. I feel he is not upfront with me, so why should I be ready and waiting for him. The truth since I got involved with him, besides that date I went on, I have never again become intimately involved with any man, its sad. I have allowed this man to play me and take away five years of my life, all the while remaining loyal to him. I feel I owe him but my sons who are young adults say, I owe him nothing. I never went empty handed to Canada, just one suitcase was loaded with expensive gifts at the time I was not a wealthy woman and now I am just ok financially. He is in contact I see with many old girlfriends he had before he left to go to Canada and I feel perhaps I will also just be one of those old girlfriends that he feels comfortable with and who he can fall back on for sex etc and a good time and then once again mess me around. As said if he had told me two years ago he was coming here, I would have bent over backwards for him even if he had no employment but now sorry he has played me enough, the saddest is I still love him but his hurt me enough now and treated me like an option. Its never easy having a long distance relationship but if you truly love a person you will never stop trying and there were stages where he simply disappeared and for a long time and I know there were other woman…………….

So same situation is happening to me right now and is driving me crazy, I have been talking to this guy for 2 months, we had a friendship of 7years and it was awesome, he kept asking me to give him a chance as a boyfriend, I told him no for the longest time because I didn’t wanted to ruin our friendship if things didn’t work out, so kept pursuing me until I decided to give him a chance and I thought well we have known each other for 7 yes maybe things do work out..so we started dating and the first few weeks were perfect text all day, talk on the phone, have dates, good morning texts and all that cute stuff.. idk when things changed, one weekend he completely ignored my txts and calls,deleted me from fb and sc at this point I was so confused I just wanted an explanation and the following Monday he said baby I’m so sorry I was having issues this weekend (apparently his ex was going through his stuff and was trying to find out who I was) he said he deleted me so I wouldn’t have any drama.. I was like so you deleted the girl you’re dating instead of blocking your ex? That just doesn’t make sense and told him it was over because I didn’t trust him or believed any of the bs he was telling me..I mean all he had to do was pick up the phone call me an explain what was going on..no need to ignore my calls or txts right?? During that week he was begging me to take him back, that he was going to make our relationship work and he was going to try harder, that he wanted everything with me and that he just wanted to be with me.. So I believed him and took him back.. We spent thanksgiving together and comes Friday and he does the bs again!!! No txts, no calls, I think he blocked my number because goes straight to voice mail, I called him from my house number and because he doesn’t know is me well he answers, I’m trying to find out what’s going on and he acts like nothing is happening I’m going crazy up to the point that I want to come over his house just to get an explanation, I mean we are done, I just want him to tell me what happened if only last week he was begging me to get back together we were even making plans for the holidays and all that.. Idk what to do!! I need some advice here please!!! Today he didn’t text at all…. Should I even try to get an explanation from him??

they do come back, in which by that time – you do nothing and continue dating others and improving your own life.

in my situation, the guy i was seeing for about 2 months was doing the slow fade, and i could tell it was something different…he didn’t ask to hang out, etc. it was just simply casual to him. it was three weeks since i spoke to him, by that time, i was seeing a guy that already was trying to get some of my attention. he texted me with “Yo! What’s up?” And i just completely ignored, deleted and blocked him on facebook.

You don’t go mia for 3 weeks and expect me to reply to you. the last time i texted him was to suggest seeing a movie, in which he responded very matter-of-factly. then i just decided that i’m not going to reply back to him. i moved on with another guy at that point (which, i actually dated for 5 months thereafter), and i completely forgot about that dude who pulled the disappearing act on me. when you don’t do anything, they’re going to wonder where you went – don’t ever give attention or companionship to someone who doesn’t care or doesn’t nearly put any effort into it. you’re better off alone giving yourself the attention and free time, than someone / crumbs who don’t deserve it. Time is the most precious thing you have. Don’t waste any mental energy on anyone who doesn’t reciprocate it. Hard lesson to be learned, but valuable one for sure. Happy Holidays! Don’t stress that you’re alone – better to be alone than lonely/unfulfilled. Whatever situation you’re in, remember to not waste time on those who won’t think twice about taking your time and giving nothing in return. don’t be that person!!!

Keisha,

It is a sad fact of life on the singles scene that we ladies that this kind of behavior has become commonplace. Right now you need to try really hard not to take his disappearance personally. It’s a commentary about him…not about YOU. The way people treat you speak volumes about what sort of person THEY are…we always take it to be about us, but it’s not.

DO NOT WAIT for him to come back. I understand how you feel having been through it myself. I understand that’s all you want right now. BUT he has shown you who they are. As the poet Mayou Angelou says, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”

I do believe that not one woman on here who was ghosted by a man will tell you that once the man returned (and they DO nearly always return) they had a wonderful stable long term relationship with him. Usually he ghosted again. That’s what happened to me. So do yourself a favor and when the time comes do not waste your time. You deserve better than a man who does this to you.

Ann
I would copy and paste your post and start your own thread with a new Title

cheers

Crisula ….Thank you – I will copy and paste this and start another post – I feel like I am loosing my mind over this horrible form of rejection – I cant convince my mind to believe its what it is when we never had an argument and the last talk was so pleasant –
I am new to this site – and hope to find out how to repost with a fog brain 😢

Hi Gals
So my guy and I were dating for 6months.
Things were great, amazing actually. Met each other’s friends and parents….
his parents dishoned him so his grandparents brought him up whom I met which was a big deal for him.
His ex-wife cheated on him and left him after 15 years and is now with that new dude. They have 2 kids together.
Things were going great with us sure we had afew disagreements but not full blown arguments.
I went out with his mates and he was telling his mates how we are planning to go to Mexico at end of the year… and 2 days later I starting sensing he was distant. Not his normal self. So I gave him a little space…
the next day I called him that night and said are you ok?
He was giving me short answers so I had to drive it outta him and said are we ok? You seem distant. He just said “I don’t know” I said ok… what does that mean? Do you still want to be with me? He said again “I don’t know” so I said…. ok. Well I want to be with you so do you need some space to think about what you want? He said yes I think I just need time.
3 days later he calls me in tears saying that he can’t do this anymore. And he is sorry and that he just needs to be alone. Full blown balling his eyes out on the phone.
We proceeded to talk for 2 hours I was telling him that I am here to support him and I care about him and whatever it is we will get through it.
And I asked if it is something I have done to please tell me so I can learn for my next relationship, he said no you haven’t done anything wrong. You are amazing. It’s me, I have the problem.
So I said ok well if this is what you want I respect your decision all I ask is you take this time alone to think if this is really what you want.
And that was it. That was just over a week ago. And I am in the rubber band stage now….
I really hope he comes back to me.
I’m just scared that because of his abandonment issues with his parents leaving him and his wife leaving him he’ll just put me in that catagory and try to forget me.
So I’m stuck in the decision of should I reach out? Should I wait? Afew forums I read said that it takes 4-8 weeks for a guy to realise he loves you and come back.
Help! What do you guys suggest? Anyone had a guy with abandonment issues?? I love him so much and want him back in my arms forever.

OH! He will be back…just watch. Probably like in a week or 2. He’ll come back. That’s happened to me a few times (unfortunately). I’m busy doing something and having a good time, already have forgotten him at that point and then voila! He’s back! It’s so frustrating!Just don’t be too eager to get back together with him. He’ll come up with some bs excuse. Straight out and tell him you don’t like flakes. But wait one more thing…you said it’s been two weeks since you’ve gone out. Does he still call you or text you but just hasn’t gone out with you? Or you just haven’t heard from him at all since 2 weeks ago?

Either way, let me know what happens…I’m curious to see if I was right lol

Nany..try start a new thread you’ll get more responses that way.

Hello! there’s this one guy.we were together for around 2months.wel would be talking whole day,whole night.the magic was felt.thing is he’s 6years younger. Than he went into an institution where phone is not allowed. First week he calls from the phone of construction workers working in campus.than suddenly he stopped calling for around 3weeks now. His last message was ‘baby what are you doing?’ which I didn’t reply coz I was busy.will he come back?

There is this guy who has been chasing me all over…he said sweet words to me ….some time he would threaten of getting another girl if I don’t agree to meet him and immediately I would tell him to go ahead he would come back begging …..several times I blocked him but he would find his way to get to write to me.

At last I gave in after a long chase which made me feel he really likes me but after having sex wit him he immediately changed. …I wrote to him and he said he was busy …..he said he likes me and if we lived closer we would be good friends ….he went ahead and said that ..he stopped dating and that he realised that he need time to travel and do other things….and that he will date in future only for long term…..offcourse I know he is stil dating but does not want me in particular. ..he actually told me that I should use my energy on another man….I just said he don’t have to mind about that and that I wish him well.

Should I just act like I don’t care and will he be back?

Anderson,
I totally would but I’m not sure how to do that. If you could offer me your best advice it would really mean a lot