How do I get over being used for sex

First off, just know that you will move on from this and realise that he’s not worth your time and hopefully, you won’t make this mistake again.

I know its really hard- sometimes you can write a list of all the bad things about him and constantly remind yourself about these facts, go out and enjoy time with people who love you, do things you want to do to distract yourself and if nothing else, you’ll learn the the lesson and know you’re better than this.

Don’t ever let anyone treat you like this, no one deserves this. In time you will realise he’s not a good guy for ever acting like this and you can search for someone who you like and who wants to be with you too!

First of all – I think it is VERY important to point out – that unless this guy lied to your face and told you he wanted you to be his GF, he wanted a future with you and he had strong feelings for you – and THEN revealed he was lying and was only using for sex to pass the time then he WAS NOT USING YOU.

Women need to stop playing the victim in their sexual relationships. You were a consenting adult. You chose to continue to have intercourse with this man WITHOUT a commitment or any promise of exclusivity. How is this using you? Is he a jerk for continuing to sleep with you knowing you were emotionally invested – of course! A jerk that you continued to associate with despite NO commitment.

Remember that men rarely lie to your face. Most of the time they will tell you EXACTLY where you stand with them. Men listen to ACTIONS more than words. You may have been SAYING you wanted something deeper and more substantial but you continued to ACCEPT LESS and sleep with him. He understood that you were willing to settle and he didn’t want anymore. Its as simple as that.

I am not trying to be harsh!! I am trying to assist you in taking ownership of your life, your body and your relationships. You are a GROWN UP. Go forward and:

Learn to LOVE yourself more than any dude.
Be in the types of relationships that you WANT to be in.
Do not settle.
Do not blame others for choices you make.
Be sweet to you. Making mistakes is how we learn.
Take some time to grieve and know yourself before dating someone else.
Have HOPE.
LEARN to be happy. Its not automatic. It is a skill – and you can learn it.
Best of luck to you.

Sorry, but there is no magic potion or pill that can take this away. Your MIND and thoughts will either keep you suffering or FULLY ACCEPT its over and you need to keep him in your past forever.

This is a very unhealthy obsession and I suggest you look up ways to deal with ‘obsessions’ while also seeking a counselor/therapist to help you get to the deeper issues of why you ALLOW and ACCEPT substandard treatment. You can’t make people like you, you can’t make people do something, and you can’t make someone fall in love through sex. Either you learn from these lesson and evolve into a stronger and wiser woman or you stay stuck and repeat the same patterns…choice is always YOURS.

He was a hookup buddy. The idea is you’re BOTH using each other for sex. If you wanted more and didn’t get that back in 18 months but kept seeing him, this is on you I’m afraid. It’s not like he pretended to be in love with you or anything is it?

First things first, you have to fully accept he’s entitled to his feelings and he doesn’t feel the way you do. You can’t make him like you. He’s had 18 months to fall for you and it hasn’t happened, so it never, ever will. Until you accept he’s not into you, you’ll never be able to let go.

Cut all contact if you haven’t already. Erase him from your life. He’s in the past now. Make him a distant memory! Other than that, it just takes time. Do nice things with friends, pamper yourself, make your life as happy and positive as you can. You’ll get over this eventually.

I am sorry to say this but you hopped in the bed hoping sex would tie him to you somehow.

Men do not work that way. Sex alone cannot make a man love you…he falls in love with the woman outside the bedroom and carries that love inside the bedroom.

Men can have sex with their hand…that does not make them fall in love with their hand (maybe they like their hands loads..but not fall in love).

Just own your part in this and move on. You chose to stay in this, so you were getting something out of it, albeit negative and damaging, it reinforced some of your beliefs about yourself. Perhaps you are now ready to change how you feel about yourself. What you deserve and what you can give yourself. The downside of not “getting used” would be loneliness. It’s as good a time as any to practice some loneliness and see how you fair. It’s always easier, when you finally face it.

Jen – I (and I think list of us) can sympathize with your feelings. It sucks to like someone and not have that be reciprocated. it’s even worse when we have invested time and energy into them and realize that it didn’t result in anything (at least not for us). For what it’s worth, you don’t need to feel used. Someone with more character and consideration for your feelings would have cut it off when he realized you were more invested in him than he was in you, so he is certainly a jerk! But he was being honest with you about what he wanted, and you were continuing to see him with that information in mind. You can look at that two ways — (1) you can see it as being victimized. OR (2) Take your power back in this situation and see it as giving into a weakness for a guy who turned out not to be what you thought he was. Forgive yourself for making that mistake, and see it as an opportunity to be a better version of yourself when the right guy does come along.

Oh honey, I had to reply to this (5 months later) because this sounds EXACTLY like my story. I was sleeping with a guy who I deeply fell for but didn’t feel the same way. This continued for 2 years on and off. I knew deep down that it wasn’t going to end well, but I couldn’t let him go. I kept clinging to the hope that he’d come around and develop the feelings I had. It only ended because he found someone that felt serious about and wanted to date exclusively. We had a big fight which ended with him cutting me off. Now I have no choice but to get over him, but it’s bloody hard.

I find the previous comments (though well meaning) to be a bit harsh and judgmental. People don’t understand if they’ve never been there. It’s so easy for people to say “just move on” but when you’ve made a real connection with someone it’s so hard to just give it up. True, if it was consensual and he didn’t lie about his intentions then technically he’s not “using you”, but I totally understand that it feels that way. Falling in love makes us lose our mind sometimes and act and think irrationally. Even though you knew it was unlikely, you had hope that your relationship would turn into something real. Being in love and having hope are beautiful things, and nothing to be ashamed of. You can take those qualities and invest them in someone who can give the same to you. I’m saying this in the hope that I can follow my own advice. Wishing you the best of luck. <3

No one to blame but yourself. You knew it wasnt going anywhere. Try & learn how to remain detached in these type of situations. Might be hard if you are the sensitive kind and have many feelings.

I had a similar situation, swore up & down I could keep my feelings out of it. Sometimes I could but those days vanished as time went on. I was kidding myself. The guy was feeding a strong need within me that I couldn’t let go of. I’m not one who has many friends so I made him more important to me than I was to him.

How did I get over it? Time. Keeping him as a friend just prolongs things. I was deluding myself. It took me ages to get over him as he kept reappearing in my life every now & then with sweet nothings.

The urge to reply to him decreased as time passed. It took a long time. Eventually I got to the point where I didn’t care anymore & replying to him every so often was no big deal. I was able to remain detached.

I just kept going back over how I was treated and what I really wanted. I was treated casually yet I what I really wanted was to feel he cared & I was special. It didn’t happen. I learned what was important to me and decided in future casual relationships are not for me.