He went back to his ex and I am devastated


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  • #733814
    Jen

    I have a very similar situation. I was friends with a guy and his gf for about 8 months. One day the guy came over, and we had a 3 hour conversation about our relationships. I was married. They were together 7 years off and on. Both is us unhappy. The following week we were all hanging out with our so’s and he we ended up holding hands. It was great. He went home and broke up with her. I filed for divorce 2 weeks later. I knew I needed to do that, but he was my push, not to be with him persky, just my push.

    We stated seeing each other. For 2 months. I met his famil and friends and we fell in love. I went away on a trip and when I came back he was distant. I found out they got back together. Her and i are polar opposites. I dont understand. How can someone do that to someone. I am devastated. I cant get past this. She is toxic, manipulative, and not a very nice person. He knows it, and he has admitted it.

    Can someone out there help me understand what is wrong with me? I talked to him last week and he said he still had feelings for me, but still went back to playing house with her. I feel so destroyed and let down. I sent him a quick text yesterday, got a response that wasnt mean or anything, but that was it. I am a mess.

    #733815
    Peggy

    Jen
    Imagine how your husband and his girlfriend felt when you two decided to just dump them. This reeks of karma. Unfortunately you missed the part about them being on and off. This is his pattern. They constantly break up and make up. He wasn’t going to leave her for you because he hasn’t left her for anyone in 7 years.

    The good news is that you now have what you wanted. A divorce. And if you wanted a divorce anyway, no reason to be devastated about this man. He may not be the man for you but now you are going to be single and free to meet another man you really want to be with.

    And if this doesn’t make you happy then You aren’t being honest with yourself or us. You would have stayed married except you thought you had a future with this other man. Please have some pride and leave him alone.

    You call her toxic, manipulative and not very nice. That could also describe you. After all you got together and complained about them behind their backs. Then you held hands while on a double date. Then you manipulated each other to leave your partners so you could have a short term fling. I would say you aren’t a very nice person either. It’s not fair to blame her for what happened. They have a long history together and I’m sure she didn’t put a gun to his head to make him come back to her.

    #733816
    Jen

    My husband and I have been hVing issues for years. I have grieved my marriage, I have begged for him to work with me on our marriage, and he has not shown interest. I have been thinking about this for years, and once I met and started having feelings for someone else, I knew it was over. This guy has a pattern, it is well known in the community. I guess I just thought I was enough to help him move on. And all those times with his family, who was so happy he was finally happy, and all those words and promises he made, had me so happy and confirmed decision. I am not a mean person.

    #733819
    Emma

    Honey he’d be back to you in a few weeks. And then back to her again.

    Stop being a sissy girlfriend, you let yourself get fooled, now endure the consequences.

    If you wanted a divorce anyway, then use this as a rebound, as a lesson. It is very tough out there. Very tough to find a decent honest man. Your guy was unavailable, but even available men go from a woman to a woman evert 3-6 months. So put on your big girl’s panties, read up on the modern dating scene (not fun at all!) and get ready for some rough rides, as you are guaranteed to have them.

    #733824
    Jen

    You’re right, I have to move on. It’s just very difficult to find someoen who I clicked with after 15 years, and have ot tossed like I was a piece of trash.

    #734555
    Nadia

    Hi, guys my ex husband of 6 years whom in total i was with him for 11 years and share a son together left me so quickly and found out that he was communicating with his ex girlfriend. then while we were married he left me and whilst we were still married moved in with her and her son. Within a year they travelled together, moved into a house together and now engaged. its very hard to say the least. i know i deserve better and i know i did nothing wrong, but he wasn’t honest with me, he lied from day one. He hid her from me from day one and i never saw the red flags. Now looking back i should have seen the signs as they are all coming back. The worst part is that he’s accused me that i was the most shocking wife, treated him so badly and it was always her that he loved. Why marry me and have my son then? if he wants to marry her that’s fine, i had my fair share of pain and sorrow. i mourned a death of a marriage that was based on a lie. Hopefully i will meet someone who truly deserves my love.

    #734767
    Me

    I am just reading your story and I know how you are feeling. I am 36 just to show you it happens to everyone and every age. Met this guy at work, we fallen in love with each other, had so much in common, we spent almost everyday together…we went on holiday and he asked me to marry him about 5 times firstly just for fun but later I said yes and he took me to the shop to buy the engagement ring and we got engaged! I was so happy and excited. We were planning everything for him to move in with me. I was so happy you can’t imagine.

    One day his ex got in touch with him and she was constantly calling and texting him but he didn’t want her to stop for so reason. I said to him it can last forever you need to stop her. On our first engagement anniversary he texted me saying – I feel like a distant is growing in between us! I was shocked… I asked him if he is planning to get back with his ex – as it was my first gut feeling! I got so upset and I fired more angry woman text messages… we had a text argument and he said I need a break…

    I gave him so time to reflect and after 3 weeks he came to pick up few things from my place. We talked but he didn’t want to go back with me, his defence was that – what I said to him hurt him a lot and he can not forgive me! And he can’t pick up with me anymore. I was so shocked that after asking me 4 times to marry him he just turned his back on me.

    After 2,5 month he finally took his all stuff… I was devastated. I feel horrible I felt guilty saying to myself… why I said that all and I hurt him so much but I also thought – everyone argues and people got through things why it didn’t work out with us? We were engaged!

    To make this story short… one day I randomly found out that he is back with his ex from the day he took his break… heartless b… Social media…

    I was angry not only that he is back with his ex but for the fact that he lied to me and make me feel horrible and guilty! And to make me believe that all was my fault!

    I am devastated a big time… I am loving and kind person and I don’t understand why it happened to me I am totally heartbroken… I truly loved him… I lost the most in this situation… it is a very hard to pick up myself… any advice on this

    #734777
    Emma

    @Me, I am so sorry, I can’t imagine how painful it must be to you. You were so happy about the start of your future family and all. What an awful heartbreak.

    It is hard to pick up from things like that. But if you look at it from “their” perspective, perhaps, it would help you. They still love each other. being apart, with other partners did not change that.

    he should not have blamed you, this was lame on his part, but not everyone is in control of their feelings, he was frustrated and like most people, he looked for someone to blame. You. To help him get rid of the guilt. He understands he broke your heart, it is easier for him to blame you for that. A cowardly move on his part, you have something to disrespect him for and this would eventually cause you to stop feelings love for him.

    It is easier said of course, but truly it is not about YOU. It is about them. The both felt it for each other. It happens. To protect yourself, you need to pay attention to red flags. And not overlook them, but act upon them. You said yourself that you overlooked them. Most women do that, and then get hurt.

    How do you teach someone not to overlook red flags and actually take action when they see them? Women would not listen, they never do listen.

    There was another story here today where a guy told the OPP he is “not very good at being faithful”. She still wants to try. Instead of thinking what exactly does it mean. Not very good at being faithful. In practical terms. He would try to be faithful 364 days but one day he’d go and cheat? If a man in his 30s says such things just how desperate you need to be to continue with him? Not wanting to be alone is understandable, but in a few months, you’d still be alone AND heartbroken from being cheated on. I really wish that woman comes back abnd updates us in a few months. I can bet all my money on her heart being badly broken and her ending up MUCH older and alone. Taking years of therapy, trying to get over and recover.

    It is easier to prevent illness than to deal with it. Ladies pay attention to red flags, do not ignore them and dive in denial. because you are desperate or alone. You will end up with MORE trouble and in worse situation than you are now if you don’t learn to walk away from “clear and present” danger.

    Learn to say “no”, I’ll pass, I’ll try with someone else. Sure he’d ask and ask again, when you say NO, this is when they ask and ask. But you still need to stand your ground.

    #734781
    Mattie

    Well said Emma. I really enjoy reading your insights. I am also an example of someone who chose to ignore those red flags and suffered. @Me, I can’t imagine how devastated you must have felt as you were even engaged. For me, we werent even dating yet and were only at the flirting stage (we were also coworkers and spending a lot of time together everyday), and I already saw those “ex” flags popping up consistently. He always insisted that they were just friends now and I kept on believing it given his very social personality. To keep it short, we never ended up dating officially, but I still decided to cut him off even as friends because I didn’t realize how much I had fallen for him already and the ex being in the picture was just too much for me to handle. Ladies, guard your hearts well and as Emma said, DO NOT ignore those red flags!!!

    #734789
    Me

    @emma @mattie thank you ladies…

    When we started dating he said that his last relationship was full of drama and he doesn’t want that anymore… she was manipulating him and she did it again (later as mentioned before)
    Now I know that I should have run away ASAP as it looked like on an off relationship.
    Btw he was 10 years older than me.

    It all happened before Christmas I bet they had a great time.

    I am so heartbroken… I was in the loop for months believing that I broke this relationship, I cried so many night…for what I said and I apologise to him but it was like taking to the wall… at this point I knew there is a double button to that story…

    He could just block her number or ignore her but he didn’t and I know that he is capable of doing that as he ignored me for weeks.

    He wasn’t rushing to pick up his things as it wasn’t important so I knew it was a time to clean that mess.

    Maybe if she never got in touch with him we would be happily married… who knows or it will look like a story from @nadia (I am so sorry to hear your story)

    I understand your point @Emma and it is a very sweet thought showing how powerful love is but being someone on the other side of the coin is very hard to believe in love again. As you can see I saw some red flags. I also believe in love and that would make us go through this but it didn’t.

    I don’t know where to start my healing… I don’t know what to do… I am very heartbroken… it is so unfair…

    #735073
    Althea

    Am with this man over 2years, he is 27years older than his ex. She had a child for him that his 7years old. They separate over 4years because she continued to cheat on him, I can see that he still in love with her even though she has her man and have a new baby for that man. He don’t want his son to go near his ex partner he’s watching her every day. When the man his not there he goes to her house washing, cooking and doing stuff for his ex. When I talk about it he’s saying that he’s not going to stop doing it because it is his baby mother too. He is a good father to his son but the ex always telling him he’s putting woman infront their son. Since then he started saying he don’t care about no one but his son. He has 2 older kids in a previous relationship that he doesn’t care about just because of the younger woman he leave their mother this is a man in his 50s. I decided to end the relationship because he doesn’t spend time with me anymore he only come and eat then go. He told me that he’s looking after his son. I noticed something about him he always telling lies about his ex and the ex even told me that he want her back but she has her man, now the ex partner leave because of him then he takes her back now . Can someone please tell what to do?

    #736897
    Salomé

    Hi I‘m 21 I dated a guy and in the beginning it was lovely and nice getting to know each other. He was little shy but in a good way I felt save and I just thought that will pass with time. He told me he had fallen for me but after 2 Month it started to feel off but still very nice and respectful and interested and I just started to find excuses for his actions and thought it will pass I didn’t want to ask because I didn’t want to be to much. We got intimed so I asked what we were and he said he wouldn’t want something seriously because he had a relationship and she had cheated on him so I said lets leave it as it is and take it slow and he agreed. But a week later he got extremely distant I then asked if he has lost interest and he answered he did all by phone he said i had scared him off.
    2 werks later i asked if we could meet up but he didn’t want to but i could ask him via texts so I did and asked what he actually wanted and he wanted what he had with his girlfriend he compared the feeling he had for me and the one he had for her and lost interest as he noticed that it wasn’t the same.
    Now as it seems he got back together with his ex.
    And I‘m truly trying hard to let go I have been on dates I have been focusing on me and read and tried to find what I can learn of it
    But at the end of the day he’s still first thing my mind turns to when I‘m not distracted or focused simple just resting and I don’t know how to make it stop and why it’s so persistent.

    #736996
    Anon…

    I just got back with my ex…. this sounds a lot like the story.. I wonder if it’s me!?!?

    #737062
    Salomé

    Well I don’t think so but either way hope you’re good and happy now and that love wont hurt you again so that you wont hurt some third none involved person to the confusing matters.

    #743734
    Dana

    Hello, here also sharing my story..

    I feel this all so much…me and my ex bf and his ex gf all live in the same building. Me and him dated a year and some more months with him breaking up with me 2 times and me breaking up with him once..it was always a rollercoaster of emotions. But I wanted to try so hard because I never had a relationship irl yet..but yeah there were many red flags i missed. Like the fact he lied about the amount of whores he slept with in his life, or how he never stood up for me to his parents etc.. anyway nowadays we remain distance, which is hard cuz him and his ex gf and me all live on the same floor..never date someone in the same building!! So now that me and him are keeping distance hes hanging out with his ex gf more and they text/talk every day. I wished him happy birthday today but he wouldnt open his door all the way so I’m sure he had company.. either her or a whore. At first when I walked to my home I felt confident because I thought I didnt mind but now I am writing here and it still hurts. I have someone who Ill meet in may who really loves me and wants to make me happy but its hard when I guess Im not fully healed yet. But this person understands my struggle and he knows about my ex but still wants to be with me. I want to be with him too but its hard when I still have bits of heartache from my ex bf…

    #743736
    HBShano

    I am mostly seeking out support and advice on his to get out of this obsession and self inflicted pain and how to regain my confidence and enjoy myself and start to build a life that I can be proud of so no guy makes me feel this horrible ever again.

    Kill the part of you that believes it won’t survive without someone else. Building a life you’re proud of doesn’t happen over night. It takes time to be a work in progress.

    #743995
    Ely

    HI!

    I read Hana’s update and I would love to know how she did it. I’m struggling badly right now. The man I was seeing for a little over a year just went back to his ex wife. They broke up 3 years ago and divorced almost 2 years ago.He says he’s gonna miss me and that he doesn’t know if whe will want to see me again,but that they’re giving it a try. The pain I’m in is one I’ve never felt before. I am breaking and can’t find a way out of it. I just found out yesterday through her social media. She posted pics of them together. I am hurting badly, can’t even eat. Anyone has any advice on how to recover from this? I’ll appreciate it

    #749382
    Anonymous warrior

    Hi i was dating a guy for 7 months. Really fell for him and thought he was too. He loved me so passionately, took me for his office party, would hold me everytime. 1 day out of the blue he stops contacting me. Would reply only if i texted. Then 1 day he blocked me. When i tried to contact him he said he is in a relation. At 1st i didnt believe him as i thought he would never be the guy who cheats. But later i came to know from his social media that he indeed was in a relation that too with his ex who i never knew about. Now he has blocked me completely just cz i insisted in staying friends. I was never bad with the guy. So why did he just dump me without even trying to end things and give me closure? Were all the 7 months spent with me fake cz i never felt so? Right now its been 4 months and he is enjoying his life with his ex. When i see their pics together it hurts me a lot and i feel i was just used as a rebound. I have not been able to sleep or eat for days.. i know i need to move on. But i dont know how? And how long will it take me to move on?

    #749401
    Raven

    He blocked you cos he didn’t want his GF to find out about You…

    Why on Earth would you want to stay friends with a cheeter?!

    #749408
    Sara

    I recently found the man I’m dating posting a picture of him and his exgirlfriend on his other IG account. It was the same place that he and i went to a month ago. My heart sank! He deleted the photo a day after but the damage was already done.

    #749478
    Lisa

    Hanna! Inspiring post :) Thank you for sharing.xx

    #752195
    Momo

    Its sad
    Im going through the same thing
    My heart hurts every second… its been almost 2 weeks since he left me . I wish things could go back to before all this happened. I skipped exams because i was home just crying.
    I feel like I’ve got no purpose in life anymore .
    Its just so unfair

    #752199
    B

    Going from sad to angry to sad again. I understand your pain and frustration.
    Pick your self up by your bootstraps and keep marching on.
    There’s nothing you can do about it unfortunately except try to get your mind off of it. Stay away from drugs and alcohol it makes it worse and just be around people you know. Find something to do.

    #753481
    Tara

    Literally exactly the same happened to me recently and I’m
    So angry and upset

    #753482
    Tara

    This just made me cry so much. I’m
    Trying so hard to get over being left for his ex but the jealousy is killing me and worse is I’m so angry for not being enough to make him forget all about her

Viewing 25 posts - 26 through 50 (of 68 total)
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