This topic contains 5 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Freya 6 days, 22 hours ago.
May 1, 2021 at 4:12 am #865136
So where’s what happened. Matched this guy Bumble, he reached out almost immediately, we talked for a bit then he asked to move the conversation to our phones and we did.
I wasn’t really expecting anything from him because I know how dating apps work but he started coming on too strong.
He would text me all day and everyday and sometimes double text when I didn’t get back to him because I’d be busy.
We texted a lot and it was cool
He suggested visiting me too, I stay with family so I was a bit apprehensive in case he just wanted sex at my house but he said I could invite him anytime and he wanted us to get to know each other.
He arranged for us to meet and I had to raincheck because I was working that day and he was cool with it.
We had a meet up a week later after we started talking, and it went pretty well with no awkwardness. I was also okay with the possibility if he decided he wasn’t interested, I know it happens.
Less than an hour later after the meet up he texted that it was really great and he enjoyed it. During the meet up he even said he wanted to spend more time with me and make use of every moment because I stay out of town.
Days after the meet up to he would initiate contact but it would just be a ‘Hey’ or ‘Hello’ and I’d just hola back and he wouldn’t say anything more.
We planned another meeting but on the day of he stopped replying to my messages to confirm if we were still on. He basically stood me up hahaha.
An hour later he texted to say sorry he got caught up with work. I was too upset to open the message so I didn’t, plus I was doing something else already.
He texted again after a while asking if I was still around lol. I didn’t open it. I just didn’t have the energy to deal with him.
The fact that he ignored my messages instead of just canceling on me irked me. I would be okay if he had just said hey something came up I can’t meet you.
Later at home, I did some thinking over it and I realized that I couldn’t get mad, he owed me nothing and I really didn’t know him like that to call him out.
I replied the next day and just told him it was no big deal.
He read the message almost immediately lol and guess what, he never spoke to me again.
I didn’t reach out at first cos I assumed maybe it was just normal silence, then I realized he was ignoring me.
I reached out after 2 weeks, he didn’t reply.
Has never spoken to me since then.
My pride really took a hit, I know it’s irrational and silly all things considered, but I just felt pretty awful about it for a while.
If he had blocked me and unmatched after everything, I would’ve quickly made peace with it, but he didn’t, it’s like someone saying ‘Heyyy you’re trash, I’m not even going to bother blocking you or unmatching you, you’re dead to me! ” LOL
I’m just wondering if maybe I did something wrong or he just wasn’t that into me and sold me an angle.
I’m okay now and have dealt with it, I’ve realized maybe I didn’t like him as much too if i set my ego aside,and I’ve accepted he’s not reaching out/coming back but sometimes in my quiet moments I just wonder if it was something I said or did.
I’d love to hear what you think!May 1, 2021 at 5:15 am #865171
Too much thinking over nothing. Especially if you spent one moment investing or feeling bad.May 1, 2021 at 5:18 am #865174
Next time, don’t check in to confirm, that is his job… and if he texts late or never checks in,… I am sorry bob, but when I did not hear from you, I assumed something came up and made other plans. Then see if he apologizes in any real way.May 1, 2021 at 7:54 am #865295
Thank you for the advice. It was my first ‘date’ in 2 years. Before that I had been in a longish and serious relationship which ended.
My career got demanding after the breakup and my side gigs also got in the way so I had never dated after that, I was working all the time and didn’t have energy to pursue anything. Then Covid happened and dating was not on the agenda for a while.
It was this year when the laws relaxed I thought you know, let me put myself out there for a bit and have fun.
So I guess my dating etiquette was still a bit rusty hahaha.
And in the past I had been used to be with people who did what they said they’d do, it never occurred to me that it was a thing to stand someone up then go radio silence on them as a way of making a statement.May 1, 2021 at 11:26 am #865371
Yeah, just expect nothing and then you can be appreciative. But the statement thus dude made was “I am not good enough for you” ;-).May 1, 2021 at 2:14 pm #865399
Once again, thank you Tallspicy.
I suffer from anxiety and so situations like these really throw me out of the loop a bit. I end up overthinking and analyzing stuff to death as I try to ride the anxiety through from such situations.
I’ve had therapy now and then and some of it includes sharing stuff and stop internalizing things.
Funny enough when he stood me up I was calm, I figured him not replying was a sign that he wasn’t coming through.
It’s the silence and the ‘Look, I’m ignoring you now, how’s that?! ” which did a number on me.
When I reached out and he ignored that’s when I started being okay with it. I even had meself a good laugh that I got played. I still laugh sometimes.
Also started talking to this guy,nothing deep because of distance but I was just surprised by the contrast.
Recently, were talking and I was feeling sleepy so I said goodnight before he replied, he was offline for a few. Minutes later he replied and sent me a voice note explaining he had to go to his hotel reception and his wifi connection had dropped a bit and he was sorry before making a goodnight ceremonial speech lol.
Didn’t read much into it but I was just surprised there are guys who conduct themselves like that with some decency.