This topic contains 31 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Kara 4 months, 3 weeks ago.
June 3, 2017 at 4:31 am #631323
I’ve been quite anxious lately because I met this guy who’s absolutely amazing but he hasn’t been texting me for a whole week when we used to text at least every other day.
I’ve known him for three months and then we decided to meet (we live pretty far away from each other) and go on a date; it seemed to go pretty well, we had sex and he was adorable, cuddling me and telling me he wanted to see me again.
We kept chatting for the next three days, then he stopped texting for a couple of days and I initiated a conversation telling him I had an amazing time and asking him when I could’ve met him again. After that he texted back two days later saying that he’s very busy and doesn’t have much time now, so I just replied saying that I understand he’s very busy and not to worry. Now it’s been a week and he hasn’t texted me, but I don’t want to initiate a conversation again; plus, I was the last one texting.
I sometimes post stuff on Facebook and he likes it, but no texting.
Do you think he’s lost interest when I started that conversation?
I really like him and we’re so similar, I’m worried he might not text me ever again!
June 3, 2017 at 4:49 am #631325
Wait, so you had sex with him on the first date? And the first time you met him? I think it could have an impact.June 3, 2017 at 4:49 am #631326
I think if a man told me he was busy and didn’t have time for me, I’d take that as him giving me the brush off and that he’s no longer interested. I’m sorry!
I have no idea why he lost interest. It could be the distance, that he only ever wanted casual sex in the first place, he didn’t feel you were compatible when you met or he met someone else. Who knows!
There’s a chance he may get back in touch but it would only be for something casual. It takes 2 seconds to send a text. If he was truly interested, he could make time for that easily.June 3, 2017 at 4:55 am #631327
Agree with third post above! (Also a Hannah?)June 3, 2017 at 5:06 am #631328
Someone please explain to her how the average man thinks….June 3, 2017 at 5:14 am #631330
Ashley yes I had sex on the first date, I thought that might have had a huge impact actually, but I felt so into him! Especially in the past three months when we were texting every day it felt as if I’ve known him for forever…. He asked me if I wanted to wait to be honest, because he said he wants to do things “properly” with me and get to know me more before having sex; I agreed but eventually we both gave in…June 3, 2017 at 5:15 am #631331
Hannah (third post) I really fear that it might be just as you said, I just feel like I don’t want to believe it and I’m still hoping that things will turn out to be different!June 3, 2017 at 11:22 am #631422
Guess he didn’t like the sex…. lol… nah! He has a gf or wife.June 3, 2017 at 11:32 am #631423
L, I thought about that! I’ve been trying to find out since he stopped texting about a gf or wife but obviously I can’t find anything on his profiles!June 3, 2017 at 12:50 pm #631432
How did you meet him, on Facebook? I don’t think he has a wife or any serious GF, but I do think he probably meet someone he likes better recently. He wants to keep you until he decides what to do with you and his new girl.June 3, 2017 at 1:10 pm #631437
Blue, we’re both musicians, so I met him on a band’s site where we were both looking for band mates and everything developed from there…
That’s another possibility, he wants to keep me until he’s decided what to do… oh this is so stressful you know, He’s 28 and I’m 24 and I’ve only been with two people in my life and this whole dating thing is kinda new to me because my ex bfs were from high school and it was much easier back then!
Thank you all guys so much for all the advice!June 3, 2017 at 1:27 pm #631438
It could be all kinds of things. Thrill of the chase is gone now that he got you so “easily.” He wanted to do things properly and he wasn’t lying about that, but you guys… kind of didn’t. You had sex really quickly, so he is feeling off about it. He COULD have been doing it just for the sex but that’s a lot of time to invest texting just for the sex, so I would probably guess it was one of the first two, which is really more how men work. If you want him to potentially come around again I’d do nothing, just sit back and see if he comes around. Maybe pull back and not sleep with him next time you see him (if you do again). Before you say it sounds like playing games, it’s just making him understand he has to work a little harder, especially now you know once he feels he “has it” he can start acting in a way you don’t appreciate or want to accept.
At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter how much you like him. Relationships, dating, etc has to be consensual on both sides not just one, and the more you chase him, the less he’s going to like you. Just sit back and see if time and space makes him reconsider. He obviously liked you and was attracted to you so there’s a chance. But starting another conversation or trying too hard won’t be the answer.June 3, 2017 at 2:45 pm #631461
Thank you so much Chroma for your advice!
I will not start texting again, I’ll just wait and see what happens. I thought about what happened many times and now I really wish I hadn’t slept with him! That’s probably the main reason alongside with me initiating that stupid conversation asking him out! I probably sounded needy too.
I really hope he’ll come around again but, as you said, I shouldn’t have sex with him next time or I’m afraid he might keep me just as a booty call.
Thanks again!June 3, 2017 at 3:10 pm #631466
Oh yes I didn’t realise we were 2 Hannahs!
Look it doesn’t matter what his intentions were or are. He’s not worth your time or effort even thinking about it. Let him go, think “I deserve better than this” and forget him..l
It’s about what YOU want too. Do you really want a man that’s so busy he doesn’t contact you for a week? I’m sure you’d be much happier with someone who has time and is attentive. Someone who makes you happy, not anxious.June 3, 2017 at 4:31 pm #631476
If you don’t know how to date , it is best to leave sex off the table.
Otherwise you will just have countless sex goes no where near a real relationshipJune 3, 2017 at 4:32 pm #631477
You’re right Hannah, I have to think about that and move on… It’s going to be very hard though, when we texted before and when we were together it felt so good and that it could really work between us.
After reading everyone’s advice now I just think that his “being busy” could’ve been a way to end things nicely and without being too awkward… don’t know, I’ll just have to get him out of my head one way or another!
Thank you!June 3, 2017 at 4:44 pm #631479
Anon you’re right, I learnt the hard way I guess…June 3, 2017 at 5:08 pm #631487
Unfortunately, when you texted him asking when you could get together again and he responded that he’s really busy, that was him basically blowing you off.
Someone that was excited about you would be texting you making plans to see you again. Usually even before the first date is over.
The problem is when you spend so much time texting it creates a false sense of intimacy. You don’t really know this guy at all, but you felt like you did, and the prolonged contact had you further along than you should have been.
This has all the signs of a typical first date that didn’t turn into a second. Minus the texting (which really doesn’t mean all that much, unfortunately) and the sex, what do you have?
He could have a girlfriend or a wife. Not that uncommon for a guy who is long distance to do this. He could also be dating several woman (easy to text multiple women) and decided you weren’t going to make the cut to round two. (Ugh, I know that stings…we’ve all gone through it). He could simply have decided when he met you that the two of you didn’t have enough in common to keep dating but figured he’d get what he could out of the meeting, hence the sex.
I personally have a rule that if I don’t hear from a guy in an entire week I consider him gone. Your guy is gone. I would put my energies toward finding someone new, hopefully closer to home.June 4, 2017 at 2:45 am #631540
Thank you Shannon, you’re right, I just have to realize that and move on. It stings a lot but it’s true and I needed to hear it!
Thanks again!June 4, 2017 at 5:23 am #631548
Not sure but maybe the fact that you had sex with him so fast made him think It’s too easy to get you. I’m not sure but since I’m not a guy but one did stop talking to me after we had sex on the 3rd date and some of my guy frinds told me they often loos respect and/or interest in a girl after the sleep together…June 4, 2017 at 6:26 am #631558
You’re absolutely right Maria, that happens, he thought it was easy to get me so he’s lost interest as well…. It’s a shame, it hurts and all that stuff, but I think it’s really time to move on then! :) Otherwise I’ll just get obsessed over itJune 11, 2017 at 6:19 am #633550
Oh my god guys he just texted me asking if I’m gonna have some time off soon to see me again because he had a great time…. I have no idea what to do… shall I say yes? But I’m also thinking… I wouldn’t want it to be a booty call! I could go and find out, but probably it would also be good to say I’m busy to keep him hanging and chase me to see whether he’s really interested.
What do you guys think?June 11, 2017 at 7:06 am #633554
You want him to want you:
Have a great time and allow him to have a great time as well
So that he associates a great memory with you.June 11, 2017 at 7:06 am #633555
You want him to want you:
Have a great time and allow him to have a great time as well
So that he associate a great memory with you.June 11, 2017 at 7:06 am #633556
I would be careful because he hasn’t been in contact for now 2 weeks that it isn’t for sex. If you want to see him as a future bf- i would make plans for a date and not sleep with him or you may not hear from him again until he’s interested in sex again. You will know right away if he is looking for sex only
Give him a couple dates your available- not today- and tell him you want to go out somewhere