Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › He hasn't asked me out after a great first date
- This topic has 9 replies and was last updated 8 years, 9 months ago by
Anabelle.
-
AuthorPosts
-
Anabelle
I went out on this blind date with a man 2 weeks ago. We were set up by a dating service and met for lunch. From my point of view, it went surprisingly well. He seemed to have all the qualities I was looking for, and we had a great fun and meanigful conversation. There were several interests we had in common and so the conversation flowed. There were the occasional lulls, but not too many. And each time he picked up the conversation, bringing up a related topic which I willingly responded to.
That being said the date did seem rather platonic. He only shook my hands and didn’t flirt. He didn’t mention any plans to see me again.
The evening of the date, he texted me, sort of a follow up of some info we had spoken about on the date. And I responded with a short thank you. He hasn’t initiated any contact since. I texted him twice over the following week and responded instantly, and we had some fun back and forth. He even called me attractive twice over the course of our conversation. But he doesn’t initiate any contact nor ask me out again.
The dating service gives both of us a general feedback on the date, and they told me that his feedback with regards me was positive and good, and that he would like to see me again. I am supposing that they would have given him the same feedback from my end (all positive) as well.
So my question is, is it clear that he is not interested in me and won’t ask me out again. If so why would he give that feedback to the dating service? Even if I do say so myself, I must say that I am an attractive, smart, kind and fairly successful woman and never experienced rejection of this kind before. So it is kind of baffling.
Also do you think I should ask him out? I have never asked a guy out before and it doesn’t feel right to me.
Anabelle
redcurleysue
Although conversation flowed and the date went well he may have not felt chemistry with you. Chemistry is a funny thing…either it is there or not.
While he had a good time maybe he did not “spark” with you and that is ok. Do not get hung up on one guy…that is why it is called “dating” – dating is a world onto itself…where the mind and heart must meet.
Do not take anything personal in dating…men are looking for the same thing women are looking for – love that will last. So meet each candidate with an open mind and scope them out. Who are they? What are their interests? What do they want in life? What are their values, morals etc. We do this naturally with friends without realizing it…
So do not put your ego on the line here…this is a place of the heart…not the ego.
Amy S
You should probably waited to hear from him instead of texting first. Its done now so if you dont hear back dont text again. Hes maybe just not wanting to get involved right now. I think some guys are just looking for a dinner / holiday companion. x
Anabelle
Thanks redcurleysue.
Yes, I suppose it had to be lack of chemistry from his end. Albeit I felt it towards him.
Is there something I could have done better, do you think? I’m just asking, cos I’m looking at it as a learning experience. I’m rather new to this world of blind dating.
Anabelle
Amy, are probably right that I shouldn’t have texted him. It was just that we connected on so many levels and certain things reminded me of him, and I couldn’t help sharing.
But not sure about what you said about him not wanting to get involved. Why would he have joined that expensive dating service otherwise.
Amy S
Anabelle i would let it go. He maybe wants to try out lots of different types before he buys or he maybe just wants to have a better class of companion for meals etc. I wouldnt get caught up on the details sometimes we fancy guys and sometimes we dont on a date, the reasons arent always clear even to yourself. Im sure you have met several that were great but you just didnt want to go further with them. I have rejected millionaires the lot just because lol. Focus on meeting another one and dont give any time or energy to the ones that dont want you. Have fun with it all. x
Amy S
Anabelle i would let it go. He maybe wants to try out lots of different types before he buys or he maybe just wants to have a better class of companion for meals etc. I wouldnt get caught up on the details sometimes we fancy guys and sometimes we dont on a date, the reasons arent always clear even to yourself. Im sure you have met several that were great but you just didnt want to go further with them. I have rejected millionaires the lot just because lol. Focus on meeting another one and dont give any time or energy to the ones that dont want you. Have fun with it all. x
Aquarius
Anabelle, i’m not sure how old you are, but you need to understand that nowadays people don’t just date one person at a time–especially guys, they go out with multiple girls in a week’s span. Especially, if the dating service you are using is a paid site — thus the guy wants to get the most out of his money and go out with as many ppl as possible until he finds the person he’s willing to settle with.
You need to do the same. Date multiple guys, it allows you to reduce your focus on one person.
I’m using online dating, in the beginning I would date one person at a time because i thought it was inappropriate to go out with multiple people and lead them on. I would get emotionally invested and linger on that person’s texts and analyze his actions/words.
Now, i’ve learned my lesson. I’m currently talking to three guys, went out with one of them on friday, and another one is today. My text messages are shorter, and i dont text them right away either. I could care less if the guy doesnt text immediately because i’m busy talking to two other guys anyways.
Do not ask this guy out on a date. He’s the man, he should ask you out on a second date. In the meantime, go and talk with other guys. Next time, don’t text a guy after the date, he should text you first. Lastly, never fall in the trap of thinking the guy you went out on first date with could be ‘The One’.
When you start thinking and dating more like a guy, it allows you to be more in control.
Anne
I recently had two great first blind dates. One especially I thought was really a good match both ways. Never heard from either of them again. Briefly considered texting that one a week later but then I thought, what’s the point?? I want someone who is interested enough in me to contact me again. Anything less won’t do.
You never know what else is going on in someone’s life, what they really want, etc. Do not chase!!! Won’t get you anything you really want. Keep going and forget it.
Anabelle
Thanks everyone for the responses. It really helped.
Aquarius, to clarify the context a bit, I’m 30 years old. I used to actually date multiple guys at the same time too in the past. But I had taken a break from dating after my last relationship and now. Thanks for reminding me of this strategy that I think works quiet well. xx
-
AuthorPosts
