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February 21, 2015 at 11:13 pm #401995
Have any of you girls ever dealt with a guy that texts wayyy too much? I met this guy online, we messaged back and forth for a few days and then set up a lunch meeting, which went pretty well. We traded phone numbers and ever since then he just texts me a lot. Which is the complete opposite of the last guy I dated who barely texted me. He just texts me a lot and asks me too many questions. Sometimes if I don’t respond he will text me again. It is making me not want to go out with him again! We were supposed to go out tonight but the weather was bad, and since we had to reschedule he has been texting me even more! I enjoy texting, but not this often! He’s texting me like we are best friends or in a relationship. Technically I’ve only met him for one hour. I just feel like this is foreshadowing a clingy man, and it’s pushing me away. Any advicee??February 21, 2015 at 11:26 pm #401997
Sounds like he has a texting jones.
My advice is everyday when he texts be polite and then tell him you need to call your girlfriend, answer some mail, go to the store, visit family, or whatever else you are doing and you will not be available to text for a couple of hours. If he texts during that time do not answer. When you are finished with what you are doing text him back for a short period of time and then let him know you will again not be available to text due to something you are doing. Wean him off of the idea you are available constantly for text messages (and I hope that is true too).February 21, 2015 at 11:38 pm #401998
Its a sign he likes you, and obviously made a pretty good impression on him! I agree though, these men drive me bonkers as you don’t know them well enough and all that heavy talk right out of the gate is a huge turn off to me too.
I suggest you slow down the pace and tell him if he continues to text like this you won’t have anything to talk about on the date and prefer to get to know each other in person.
On guy told me that texting is easier for men today because they can seek and receive validation from women without having to actually commit to one! Many guys use it when they want a fleeting connection rather than the real thing, so women need to be very leery where it comes to men and texting and determine what their true agenda is by not getting caught up in the text trap.February 22, 2015 at 12:41 am #402007
Yes, if you like him just be direct and honest that you don’t like to text that much and prefer the face to face conversations.
I too had a guy that blew up my phone. We didn’t even make it to the first date, I just quit responding to him. He would literally text me every morning, I would never respond, and day after day he would continue. Very annoying, huge turnoff.
But yes, if you like him, just tell him it’s too much.February 22, 2015 at 4:50 am #402016
I tell men (and everyone) right up front I am not a texter unless it’s for logistics, like meet me on the corner or I”m running 15 minutes late, or the occasional thinking of you with an emoticon. I don’t maintain an umbilical cord to my phone and don’t want to. I’d prefer an email or a call or a face to face meeting. No one has had a problem with that yet. You just have to be direct about it.February 22, 2015 at 7:45 am #402028
Yes. .A guy dud my head in with constant texts. He came across as needy and insecure so I had to tell him I was not interested. then he got a wee bit nasty with me….I totally dodged a bullet.
NOW…I understand how guys feel when we blow up their phone.February 22, 2015 at 9:18 am #402035
He prob likes you more than you like him. (or maybe this is just how he always acts).
is he not good looking enough or something? Otherwise i’m sure if you really liked him you’d enjoy texting with him back and forth constantly….lol :P
I can just imagine this guy coming on this forum and complaining about the lack of texts you’re sending him haha. Harley’s right, this is probably how guys feels about girls all the time
I don’t think constant texting is necessarily a sign of clinginess (unless all his texts are focused on how much he likes you), maybe he’s just bored and he thinks you appreciate the texts. maybe you can politely/subtly let him know that you’re not that big of a texter and apologize for not responding to him all the time.February 22, 2015 at 5:34 pm #402184
I always respond to his texts, and I never ignore him. But if it gets to be an hour or two he always sends me another one. It’s almost like he’s saying, don’t forget about me. He seems like a pretty sweet and nice guy and I am willing to try out a few dates with him.
We had to reschedule last night, and we had plans tonight. I had to see my grandma tonight, so we had to reschedule again. Now hes not texting me like at all. He asked for a picture this morning and I am not the type to be texting out pictures of me. He seemed to understand but now he’s not talking at all. I guess I can’t win! Haha. He did mention to me once that he used to be really clingy and he is working on it. And he told me that he is the jealous type. So I am going back and forth about this guy. I’m sure if I was really into him that I wouldn’t mind the texting at all!February 22, 2015 at 5:39 pm #402186
2 red flags for me…clingy and jealous. I think he’s an attention seeker and us now manipulating you….ignoring you because you have ignored him….he’ll be back…blaming you somehow. whinging and whineing
proceed with caution here. ..If at allFebruary 22, 2015 at 5:46 pm #402190
Ok this new info sheds some additional light.
He is admittedly “clingy and jealous”? Toxic combo.
When I was much younger I used to think it was sweet when a guy would get a little jealous. Thought it was sign of caring.
After a few abusive relationships and several more with insecure guys.. That is a buzzword that sends me running for the door.
I will only date emotionally healthy confident men now. I can’t handle someone that is threatened by my independence, career, friends, family, interests or hobbies.
Sounds like you may be dodging a stage 5 clinger. Proceed with great caution, if at all with this one.
I’d probably just throw him back now, and save youself any additional troubleFebruary 22, 2015 at 6:05 pm #402207
See this whole time I had an iffy feeling about him. And now I am pretty sure I am right about feeling off about him. There have definitely been a few red flags, but he seemed so sweet and nice I brushed it off. I need to always stick with my gut feeling.
How do I word it when I want to tell him that I am not interested?? It’s always hard for me. Especially since I already had to cancel on him. I am about to change my number too and not give it out until I know for sure about a guy.February 22, 2015 at 6:13 pm #402212
Just don’t reply.
block his number. get tougher….stop being so nice….you owe him nothing. and….I bet he will turn nasty….so save yourself further hassle.February 22, 2015 at 6:17 pm #402215
Thank you Harley. Now that I’m back into the dating world I need to stop being so nice. That’s one of my weaknesses. I’m not good at confrontation and I feel bad hurting people’s feeling. I need to do what is best for me.February 22, 2015 at 6:23 pm #402217
Yep. ..I’m harsh….but when it comes to guys…too nice.
I’m learning some hard and fast lessons. I spot red flags…no longer accept shit or make excuses…have higher standards…set boundaries and am basically having a much better life. so…will you.guys dump gals without a second thought. …get tougher !February 22, 2015 at 6:26 pm #402223
I needed that. Thank you so much Harley!!
Everytime I hear or notice something that raises a red flag I won’t continue talking with them.February 22, 2015 at 7:18 pm #402234
Always listen to your gut feeling!!
Yes, if this guy has admitted to being clingy/needy/jealous type in the past, then that’s a huge red flag and you really dont need to deal with that. Guys are impossible to change.
He sounds like those ‘too nice’ guys — guys that yeah on the outside they might appear nice, and sometimes soo nice that it makes you feel guilty that you’re not that nice back, but at end these guys make it seem like you owe them something for them being nice to you. You dont need that crap.
If the only thing he has is your phone number, and you’re going to be changing it soon anyways, then you really dont need to bother texting him anything. Cuz if you do text him then he’s going to plead and ask you why and then say that you’re a b– for friendzoning him.
Remember to also block him on that online dating site you met him on!February 22, 2015 at 7:49 pm #402238
I just searched his username and found profiles on other sites. One of his profiles says “nice guys finish last.” and another says “i will treat you better than any other man would” “i treat women the right way” and all things like that. Whoa, trying too hard!October 19, 2015 at 12:05 pm #468642
I’m going through a very similar situation right now, save the fact that it is a guy I know very well. We’ve been involved romantically on and off for about a year now but have known each other for several years. It seems as though every time we’re “on,” his incessant texting has been a huge problem for me. I don’t know what to say to him, I’ve tried countless times to tell him nicely I don’t have time to chat, but truly I just don’t want to. There is never enough to talk about that I need to exchange 100+ messages per day with him. I care for him a lot but I think it adds a lot of emotional stress to my life. It has happened more than once that I’ve told him I needed to stop texting and work or study, etc., and then if later on before I’ve texted him again I’m active on social media, he either has favorited or liked several of my posts in a row or once texted me that “he thought I was busy.” He gets very hurt when I say I have to go, and weaning off constant conversation is almost impossible. Help!December 29, 2015 at 11:12 pm #492870
Yes! I have the same problem right now, and he is very annoying! I don’t want to be rude and tell him to stop, but I have been ignoring his messages. Good Luck with him! :)January 7, 2016 at 4:40 pm #495644
Well, I have an interesting twist. My ex-girlfriend, who I broke up with a long time ago, but still remain friends, started seeing a guy about 6 months ago. This guy texts ALL the time…and to be honest, I’ve never heard or known about a guy who texts a lot.The thing is, she likes to text a lot, too. So she gravitated to that veey quickly. They text each other EVERY SINGLE MINUTE of the day…from morning till they go to bed in the night. I kid you not!!! On average about 100-120 texts a day, ONLY to EACH OTHER..no one else. I’ve never heard of this. ( Shes 32 and works in an office, he’s 30 and works from home, so were not talking about teenagers…so they find lots of time to do this). They connected like this pretty much right away after they met, and it hasn’t slowed down since.
I have no doubt that this guy is in love with her, and I really want her to be happy. She’s an awesome person. She likes him a lot, but not in love, yet.
What’s funny is that with all this texting for that long, you would think they would know each other totally by now and be head over heels in love. But I was surprised to hear that she still doesn’t know much about him and he is definitely not her boyfriend. Then what could they be texting about if she feels that she doesn’t know him?? That’s baffling. I don’t ask her that because that’s not my business.
My concern is with all this texting. When my mind hears if texting, then I immediately think they are not comfortable with talking..and she’s admitted that she rather text than talk.
Is she hiding from reality with all this texting? Is she keeping a safe distance from him, especially as a result of our breakup, because that was a difficult one for her?
Or I’m making a big deal out of this, and she’s simply met her match?February 25, 2016 at 11:04 pm #509823
I’d just like to say to anyone who reads this that they should be nice. I fell in love with this girl and I did the same thing. Unfortunately I lost her after 5 days and she wouldn’t tell me the truth. I imagine this was the reason and I can’t live with myself for such a stupid mistake. I have no clue what to do, I still love her and I blew it by trying to be nice.February 26, 2016 at 11:45 am #509978
I remember telling my bf when we had just started dating that jealousy and me don’t go well together.
I remember chatting with guys online when I was online dating and the moment I felt that there was any jealousy involved I used to walk away. Also had to cut off a potential FWNB as he wanted to text all the time and got upset that I did not have the time to reply to him.
It depends on what kind of communication you like. If you like to text often and the guy doesn’t then you either need to train yourself to reduce your texting or find someone who does. If this guy’s constant texting is driving you nuts, let him go!!
Also clingy and jealous lead to controlling in the future. So best to walk away now.February 27, 2016 at 10:01 pm #510480
I had this issue too. I have no problem with someone texting frequently as long as he understands I’m not obligated to reply immediately, or even at all. I realise the “love chemicals” can make someone behave in a more extreme way and I wouldn’t let this worry me as I assume it will settle after a while.
However, if he thinks I’m obligated to reply I find that worrying. I went on a few dates with someone who pressured me to text him all day long, even if I told him I was busy at work. If I didn’t reply within 5 minutes he’d bombard me until I did. I’d get “aren’t you speaking to me?” then “I’m worried, are you ok?” and within 20 minutes he’d be saying he was going to call the police and tell them something must have happened to me. This is obviously an extreme example, but if someone shows signs of being controlling, I’m out straight awayApril 4, 2016 at 9:13 pm #522761
Coming from a guy who is currently experiencing this. My work requires my phone in hand nearly every waking moment (think Ari Gold from Entourage). It is just second nature to respond right when she would text back. I kind of went overboard as we spoke nonstop for a few days and she decided one day not to respond. we had absolutely fantastic chemistry (she told me multiple times herself) and she is newly out of a relationship. I haven’t messaged her since my day of implosion (nothing ever aggressive or rude, just multiple texts of “did I do something, please respond ect) and I am now turning to you ladies: is there anything I can do?
I can easily control when I text her and if that is the reason she has ignored me the past two days, I’d be happy to keeping texts strictly to logistics on planning dates but how do I approach contacting her again? Wait a week, hope she contacts me? If I do message her in a week what the hell do I even say? I would love to explain this in person and let her know I’m not some psycho, just don’t know how to get her to respond to meeting me because I know for 100% certainty we ‘clicked’ every date we went on.
Sincerely Frustrated ????April 4, 2016 at 9:40 pm #522766
Bob, I think she’s gone.
I see two issues in your story.
One–if she just got out of a relationship she probably wasn’t looking to get into another one right now. If a relationship is what you wanted, it’s probably for the best things didn’t work out.
Two–your texting and more specifically texts like this “multiple texts of “did I do something, please respond”. INSTANT TURNOFF. Never send texts like that. It comes off as desperate and needy.
I don’t advocate playing games with texting. If you’re free, yes text her back. What you want to avoid is the never ending conversation. Your time talking and getting to know someone new should happen in person.
I had a guy do what the original OP posted and I stopped talking to him. His never ending texting was overwhelming and killed any interest I may have had for him.
Girls want a guy (or really people want I should say) someone who has things going on in their lives. When you’re always available and always texting it gives the impression that you have nothing else going on.
When it comes to this girl, I would chalk this up to a lesson learned. I don’t think you’re coming back from this. You went too far and she disappeared.
I think in the early days of dating you should keep the texting at a minimum. Use it to set up dates and maybe a midweek check in. Conversations should be short.