Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Ghosted on the date.
- This topic has 2 replies and was last updated 3 years, 3 months ago by
T from NY.
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Brooke
I met a guy about 5 years ago in Business class in college.One day after class he asked me out ,but I turned him down. At the time I was going through an abusive relationship ,and was trying to heal. We still remained cool.
He would text me once a year to check in see if I am still single and chat. Recently he text me to check in again. He mentioned that he was in a good place in life and was single as well. He also stated we wanted to take me out on a date if I was open to it.
I told him I was and to call me sometime this week to set it up. So far …crickets. I’m assuming that he wasn’t actually expecting me to say “yes,” and when I did he got freaked out. I’m more so here to vent because what was the point!? If he texts me again I just plan on ignoring it. I am a high value woman and not accepting crumbs. I made sure to tell him to call to set up the date so we don’t get sucked into being pen pals.Newbie
I think your anger is a bit over the top. No need to grab him by the throat. I think this is a case of happy new year contact and asking on a date. You know we do the same with not so close friends: Yeah Lets catch up soon – NOT. If he doesnt follow up, then thats all you need to know. No need to make it clear to him you are a high value woman not accepting breadcrumbs.
T from NY
I agree I think you’re being too rigid. We are like that sometimes as women after we’ve been hurt and we’re being protective against other men – by trying to PROVE our worth. A woman’s worth is what she feels INSIDE, her quiet acceptance of what’s really happening (not being wishful or only seeing a man for his potential) and her authentic interactions with men.
We don’t know what’s going on with this guy. Maybe he was surprised you said yes, and now trying not to appear too eager. Maybe he has always wanted to go out with you, but is now ‘making you pay’ a little for making him wait so long, something came up for work, he was just trying to get his ego stroked, maybe he’s too nervous because he built you up in his mind, he’s sicker than a dog…… the list goes on!
The point is – if – he reaches out, you can be authentic. Saying Hey I’m glad to hear from you. I was looking forward to seeing you soon after our last chat. THEN watch and wait to see if he sets up a date. If you go on one, it goes well, watch and see if you have fun, watch and see if he sets up another… Women watch and see. Then decide. That is the flow of healthy relationships. Right now we are seeing he’s not setting anything up. That is information, and that is all. Live on. Be peaceful. Do not ruminate on him. Time and people show you clearly what is up when we are patient.
Good luck tending to you. Hopefully you have a therpaist to help with your past traumas. Healing means softening. Luck to you.
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