This topic contains 195 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Deb 2 years, 3 months ago.
June 5, 2015 at 11:52 am #433475
Oh good grief.
I am down and depressed. It is causing me to not be able to sleep and be teary and fearful of the future.
Do i sound like i need to go to a priest or a&e and demand to be hospitalised for that?
Ive got something to help me sleep and we’ll see what happens. I cant afford private counselling.
Why were you all so objectionable to hearing me moan about this guy? I wanna talk about it. Why not. It’s been completely derailed with being told to be quiet about him or being spoken to as if i am about to slash my wrists.
All i wanted to do was talk about him. Why not?June 5, 2015 at 11:56 am #433478
Ivy – you didn’t READ. I was not playing therapist dear. I specifically said I am not a medical professional and she needs one. I gave her some suggestions based on my experiences and I was urging her to get medical help. She stated she felt depressed, I didn’t diagnose her. READ WHAT WAS SAID and you will clearly see that you didn’t have a reason to be concerned someone was playing therapist. If the thread was “scaring you” you didn’t need to read it as you weren’t involved, you haven’t stated you have any experience with depression or given any new suggestions for the OP. I wasn’t speaking to you and you should have just reported it to the sys admin. I’m not here to argue with anyone. Best wishes Ivy.June 5, 2015 at 11:58 am #433479
Alex, go ahead and vent. Best wishes.June 5, 2015 at 12:02 pm #433482
What’s the point now.
So many pages of dont kill yourself when that was never an issue. Its as if stephanie wants to project her issues.June 5, 2015 at 12:05 pm #433485
Alex, I understand your going through a lot of inner turmoil but please know we are not professionals and are not skilled in psychotherapy so you need to seek the appropriate place for that. This forum handles BASIC dating/relationship opinions and since you continually reject them I don’t believe your going to receive that “magic pill or formula” to make it all go away because it doesn’t exist here or anywhere else—you have to WORK THROUGH IT and if you don’t then you will remain stuck where you are.
We cannot INDULGE YOU any further and cannot ENABLE you any further as your asking us to become co-dependents and that will only make your situation worse, not better. If you cannot afford therapy then you need to seek out the resources that Stefanie provided to you. Good luck.June 5, 2015 at 12:07 pm #433487
Alex, I feel you. I’ve also been there. My world crushed and burned and all I could think about was that I wanted him back. I would roll on the floor crying in agony. Luckily I had my friends I could talk to. I drove them mad with talking about him. If you need to do this, go ahead and talk all that you want. Vent here as much as you want. At one point there will be nothing to talk about and you’ll wake up one morning and this subject will not be the first that comes to mind. That’s when the healing begins. Now you are upset and your ego is bruised. It’s not love, it’s you ego talking. If you need this, talk about it, you need to unload all those emotions. But while doing that, let your rational mind understand that this too shall pass and that one day you’ll feel better.
What I did when I was like this and depressed was to go for a walk or workout at least 15 minutes a day and listen to my favorite music. It didn’t stop me from thinking of him, after that I would still call my girlfriends and talk about him and cry. But it would ease the pain for those 15 minutes. I forced myself to do this everyday and one day I found myself not thinking of him for that time. I was starting to heal.
Try it, might help. And vent here as much as you want. It’s a public forum, who doesn’t like it can just stop readingJune 5, 2015 at 12:10 pm #433489
LOL. I reached out to you Alex to try and help you- I shared my story because it is shameful to talk about depression. It wasn’t about me, it was about you. It is tough to get treatment for depression here in the UK and I mistakenly thought you actually wanted help.
Sorry to hear it didn’t help and you just want to continue airing about an FWB who doesn’t want you. Lane said it perfectly. Good luck to you honey.June 5, 2015 at 12:24 pm #433496
Why cant she talk about a guy who dumped her?
Isnt that what most of this forum is about?
Alex I think you should get this deleted. Does anyone know how?June 5, 2015 at 12:26 pm #433498
I will tell you one more thing. I was the girl who couldn’t let go. I begged and cried and manipulated him. For 6 months. And I got him back. He had a new gf, broke up with her and came back to me. Guess what happened? I left him after 5 more months. We were never right for each other. I just wanted him back because of my ego. If it’s meant to be it always is. This was proven to me time after time
Now I regret hurting him. Back then I could only think about how much I wanted him. I thought I was in love. Love doesn’t hurtJune 5, 2015 at 12:28 pm #433499
I would never beg and cry. Once they go I leave it.
I really dont know if I should bother staying friends. Or getting my stuff back.June 5, 2015 at 12:30 pm #433500
Is any of your stuff truly valuable or sentimental? When I have been here, I take it as a loss and say that’s what it cost me to get this guy out of my life. And then replace it with something new and better.June 5, 2015 at 12:53 pm #433508
Ladies, venting and working through it is one thing but all she’s doing is finding ways to get a man who was never her BF back! If you want to keep encouraging her to do so then knock yourself out, but ENABLING someone to stay stuck does more harm than good IMO. She’s not reaching out to those other resources whoa re in a much better position to really help her because she’s still focused on this forum.June 5, 2015 at 1:01 pm #433513
Lane, as someone who has been in her shoes I can tell you that she needs some time to vent and think about getting him back. We all come to our senses in our own time. If she doesn’t have support from family and friends it is even harder to let go. I am not enabling but a week or two of venting might help. It is just my opinion
Alex, if the stuff is valuable ask a friend to pick them up. If not forget about it. As for staying friends, it is your choice but I think it would stop you from healing and moving on. How about you give yourself 30 days of NC to think and agree in your mind to revisit the matter after that? What do you think?June 5, 2015 at 1:05 pm #433516
I’m addressing this to EVERYONE NOT NAMED ALEX, STEFANIE AND RED CURLEY SUE…THAT MEANS THE REST OF YOU EXCEPT ERIC AND HIS STAFF.
Please stay out of this thread if you aren’t dealing with depression yourself or have dealt with it in the past.
I’m not trying to be mean to anyone, but honestly, it’s not helping Alex to hear a bunch of people telling her different things. If you feel this is a “fake post”, just stop responding to it. I personally DO NOT feel it’s a fake post. Alex needs our help and it is the right thing to do.
Alex, honey, hang in there. Stefanie is trying to help you.
Hugs and love to you. :)June 5, 2015 at 1:07 pm #433517
I am the last person to enable. If I could wave a magic wand and erase this guy from her head I would do it in a second. Because that is what will happen eventually. They were not right together and her lesson now is to learn how to let someone you care about go. Its a process and most of us will have to go through it at some point in our life. I did, and I am grateful for the experience because now I have the power of walking. Its a great thing. So, hopefully Alex goes through the process and will look back and say, that was a valuable experience and now I am a stronger wiser woman.
Alex, remember, there is always always always another guy., they are pretty funny that way ;).June 5, 2015 at 1:08 pm #433518
Love you Mistral, but who does Alex want to hear from?June 5, 2015 at 1:09 pm #433519
Lane, sorry, I didn’t see your post here…you’re allowed too. We just want to keep this to a place where Alex can get to vent and get some good perspective on her situation.June 5, 2015 at 1:11 pm #433520
Dyanne, when someone is suffering from “deep depression” it is no longer a dating/relationship issue, but a MEDICAL ISSUE and she needs to seek the proper professional and medical resources to deal with it. Unless your licensed to practice psychiatry in the UK I don’t think its wise to keep allowing her to vent here so to avoid getting the help with her medical condition…its like putting a band-aid on a gushing wound.June 5, 2015 at 1:11 pm #433521
You’re okay too KimF. :) Alex doesn’t need negativism right now is all I’m trying to ensure.
If we all look at it as if what if we were going through this right now, this second, wouldn’t we want to be able to vent and just get it out of our systems too?
I have a feeling that as soon as everyone butts out of this thread, things will get better for Alex and she will be able to get help for herself.
Please let her go through this in her way. She knows herself better than anyone else. :)June 5, 2015 at 1:17 pm #433523
Lane, you misunderstood me. I am not saying not to get help. I have battled depression, I was medicated, I’ve been in therapy, walked the whole 9 yards , fell and picked myself up . I am the first to suggest therapy when I see this. I was offering my view from experience. I wouldn’t dare post on a thread if I hadn’t been in that situation. I can see myself from 6 years ago in this, that’s why it resonated with meJune 5, 2015 at 1:19 pm #433524
Mistral, we are not licensed to deal with depression and need to know the LIMITS of this forum. Basic dating/relationship problems are fine but when someone is dealing with a medical condition, such as depression, then we need to direct them to the proper resources and not enable them to remain untreated. “Do no harm” is the OATH medical practitioner must take and if you aren’t licensed as one then you don’t know what harm you may be causing her.
Best to err on the side of caution.June 5, 2015 at 1:30 pm #433529
To everyone – when you’re depressed there is no solution to your problems. You aren’t able to “solve” and go forward. Until you deal with the depression and its root issues, you’re living a black hole. No end to the bad feelings, no matter how much you vent or talk about it or seek advice or whatever. You can’t help it, your brain isn’t able to process logically.
The way Alex describes her life and is talking on this thread, she’s dealing with depression… BUT we can’t know for sure, we aren’t professionals and we don’t know her. She might just be really bummed out about this guy and the rest of her life is fine, I don’t know and it’s not my business at this point.
Alex has made it clear she doesn’t want “help” with depression or anything, she wants to vent about this man. I’m with Lane – I won’t advise or comment any longer. To us it’s pointless and enabling as well as wasting our time. I misunderstood, I thought she wanted help with the depression and couldn’t get help in the UK. I cannot and will not force someone to listen to me when they’ve made it clear they don’t want to. I have other things to do and other people to spend my time and energy with. I won’t waste any more of my time or Alex’s on this thread.
Alex, just a word – a “hey, thanks for trying Stefanie and others, I really just need to vent” would have been the more polite and diplomatic way to handle it, but if you are depressed you won’t get that. So I”m not going to criticize you for it.
For Dyanne, Kim and Sarah, it’s another angle and they are now able to support Alex in the way she wants to. Let them. Good luck to Alex. It’s her post, and she’s now stated the support she wants. So let those who can do it her way talk with her as it’s a free and open public forum. In the months I’ve been here I”ve observed what happens after a while if someone keeps complaining and not resolving, they lose sympathy, people stop responding to them and they go away. It’s handled organically. The first wave has already walked away, so let another group of girls who feel they understand her give it a try. I hope they can help her and she can get past this.June 5, 2015 at 1:35 pm #433532
Dyanne, I think ALL of us can relate to what Alex is going through. Everyone has been at this point at one time or another, where you were rejected by a man you wanted to be with who didn’t want to be with you.
But Lane is correct, continuing to reply to Alex’s “venting” is only indulging her. She is asking questions no one else can answer. She has asked why she wasn’t good enough for him, why he didn’t want her, will he come back… no one knows. We only know the facts, which is that he no longer wants to be involved with her. None of us are licensed or qualified to give her any other advice besides helping her move on or even sharing our own similar experiences and telling how WE moved on. But she doesn’t want to move on, she wants to wallow in her sorrow and go in circles asking why this didn’t work out.
This forum is about HELPING people with their relationship questions and getting them to a point of clarity about their situation. When we have an OP that goes round and round for pages, that has been given good advice and support, and she outright refuses to accept the help she’s been given, then everyone just needs to walk away. Stefanie is the one who went in depth trying to help her (although a bit overboard), and the OP has now even accused her of making this about herself.
You can’t help someone that doesn’t want to be helped. It’s as simple as that.June 5, 2015 at 1:36 pm #433533
I don’t think there has ever been a time when I’ve been dumped when I didn’t think about getting them back.
Dont we all think about that?June 5, 2015 at 1:39 pm #433536
yaaa…I think a lot of it has to do with our stupid ego…