Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Friendzoned after a really good date
- This topic has 8 replies and was last updated 9 years, 10 months ago by
Veronica.
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Didi
I met this guy over online dating website and we exchanged numbers and talked alot via Whatsapp and phone calls for few days before we arranged a first date. The date went really well, had some coffee, walked around a bit before he had to go to meet up his friends. We talked alot and in term of mentality and beliefs wise, we are very much alike and in my opinion, it means we are compatible. However, his body language indicated otherwise: He didnt lean forward much, kept crossing his legs, looked around alot of times, never initiated even a minimal physical contact (maybe because he was shy?). However, he would smile genuinly whenever am talking, made sure I walk beside him all the time and would strike up questions all the time (he is a public speaker, so he is pretty good in striking up convos!) At the end of the date, we expressed our gratitude to each other for making it here and etc. He said though that if it wasnt for the ‘religious environment’ we would have hugged and settled for handshake.
After I got home, he sent me a text(and using his exact words) saying that he “had a good time” and “it was nice meeting me” and that since he was a direct person, he said he “sincerely believe that am a very decent person and wants to keep me around in his social circle. And I quote: “I’d like to tell you that I genuinely think we’d make really good friends.” I was disappointed, because I liked this guy and I thought he liked me too. I said that am sure we would make great friends! and expressed delight over my reply!
I really believe I just got friendzoned over text, even after what seemed to be a good date. He did express that he found me intellectual, smart and reserved (because I didnt have much relationships in the past ) Am I over analyzing his texts and over stressing ? Or is it possible he wants more than just friends?
harley
No.you have it figured right…He wants to be just friends.
Julietta
Hi Didi
Yes you are absolutely over analyzing. It is not possible to know what he really meant. Be friends with him if you feel like it and if you don’t – then don’t.
How long have you been doing on-line dating? I’m just curious.Didi
Well, maybe I should actually keep my options open and date other guys? I wont initiate texts or calls. I honestly dont know how to think of the situation. Maybe over time his intentions will clear out? I dont want to wait for too long but at the same time, he seems like a really nice guy.It would be great to read more opinions and points of view.
It has been over a month since I set up my accountJulietta
Don’t wait at all. I actually mentioned this in another post just today, but it took me dates with nearly 60 guys I met online to #1) figure out what I wanted and #2) to find the guy that had it. Once you have a REALLY GREAT DATE, you will know that all the rest were just REALLY GOOD DATES. :) Keep kissing those frogs – your prince is out there. And never wait on one guy until you’ve dated for awhile and are exclusive. There is so much freedom and power in just meeting new people.
Anna
I 100% agree with Julietta. The more you date the more you’ll know what’s REALLY good for you. Even your one true cosmic soul mate (if such things exist!) isn’t worth waiting around for……think of it this way, even if he DID turn out to be the one it’s dating lots of others that will give you the self-knowledge and empowerment to truly be a great partner and enjoy the relationship for what it can be. Dating lots of people is a GREAT experience (especially if you’ve ever had any tendency to monomaniacally obsess over one guy and believe you could never like or appreciate or date more than one person at once – all things I believed before dating maybe 100 guys online. I didn’t end up with any of them but it was still one of the most valuable experiences of my life….and it’s FUN. The more you dare the more your standards will change (for the better) and the more confident you’ll be in every future relationship or dating situation.
When you first start looking around it’s easy to latch on to the first guy that seems pretty good. The good news here is that when you find the guy(s) you really like it will be EVEN BETTER :-) I promise, even though I know it’s hard to imagine right now xoxo
Pcs
I’m sorry but I have another question. Should we tell the guy we’re dating that we’re dating another guys too?
Anna
You don’t have to shove it in their face but just assume they’re dating other people and DO date other people (unless you are 100% exclusive because he has asked you to be his exclusive girlfriend and you want to be and said yes)…..if you think there’s any misunderstanding you can casually mention that you’re seeing other people or something even more indirect like “sheesh, the dating world can be crazy, huh? :-)”
OCCASIONALLY I’ve dated guys where they were super curious about who else I was dating and what the sex was like and how I felt about them and all that jazz……and sometimes I have told them because we were close enough as friends to go into all the gory detail…..special situations…..but MOST guys cannot stomach that and unless they BEG you to tell them (and even then) it is almost always best to be VERY open about the fact that you’re dating others but VERY discreet about the details….. it is definitely delicate territory with people’s egos on the line and whatnot……IN GENERAL especially when you’re just starting out best to just be the confident, secure, relaxed girl who IMPLIES she’s seeing other people (or at least perfectly open to it) by having NO agenda, expectations, attachments or anxieties surrounding your interactions with the guy…..just enjoying him and appreciating him in the moment but never initiating or being soooo available that it seems like he’s the only one in your life……ironically it’s only when he’s NOT the only one in your life that he will get the idea that he wants to be,….but that’s another story…..boys are silly that way :-)
Hope that helps xoxo
Veronica
Hi Didi!
It does sound like he just didn’t feel a spark or that attraction, but obviously thought you were a cool and nice person. And that’s okay! I’ve gone on many dates where I genuinely thought the guy was cool and nice and fun but I just wasn’t feeling it, and the same has been done to me.
A good example of this is: there are plenty of people out there who you meet that you think seem like cool people, but you have no desire to be best friends with them. The reason most people only have a few very close friends is because not everyone deeply connects with everyone else and that’s normal and totally fine :)
I would forget about this guy, remember it as a fun night you had, and keep moving forward!
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