Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Ex texted me happy birthday during no contact
- This topic has 17 replies and was last updated 4 years, 10 months ago by
tammy.
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Kelly
Been broken up for three months now. Initially agreed to not speak for 2 weeks, then check up on each other. He messages me again 2 weeks after that. I have trouble moving on because of this so I tell him I need space and don’t think we should talk for a couple of months so we can both heal properly unless there is some type of emergency. He respected my wishes but did message me on my birthday and wishes me a happy birthday. I just don’t get why guys do this. To me, no contact means no contact. What’s up with this?
Newbie
If the relationship was short then a lot of guys were not that invested yet so they can handle contact. Thats why a lot of guys offer friendship when it lasted for 3 months or so. If the relationship was longer he could be missing you and was thinking about you. But if he messaged you on fb, he probably got a reminder. I wouldnt pay much attention to it anyway. Say thanks and thats it
Newbie
I also wondered about the same thing as Omg. Why re-establish contact after you think you are healed with an ex? I stayed in contact with a few exes but that was because i wasnt in any pain. If you are then its better not to have any contact ever again and really move on
Shellie
Because he thinks it’s no big deal. Why do you care? If you’re triggered by anything he does or says you need to block him until you’re totally healed and then you can decide if there’s any merit to being “friends” going forward. I’m not in the “friends with exes” camp generally speaking.
Kelly
Not sure why everyone keeps mentioning us being friends. I don’t want that and never said I did. And I’m not the one who initiated the contact, HE was.
Newbie
I think thats because you wrote you initially wanted to have contact for 2 weeks and then check in. But then you realized you werent ready and extended that with a few months. Thats implying to reach out after a few months
Kathy
Women get bored and reach out too.. I think we are not all that different in this way, unless one was really hurt. If I hear from an ex now and then, it doesn’t bother me that much.. At least it makes me feel they are still thinking about you.. It does not impede me from moving on.. I find it to be a little ego boost, like guys do.
I guess I have dated so much that some of my ways are like their’s in some ways?? I guess I’ve learned to be a little tougher like them…
Narc
“Not sure why everyone keeps mentioning us being friends. I don’t want that and never said I did.”
Then block him already.
Sheesh.Anne
He was just trying to be nice, you can ignore it and move on. Time will fix everything including a broken heart.
T from NY
I think what I hear you asking is — why do men reach out if they are not interested or trying to fix what’s wrong or continue the relationship. Just go away right?!
It is a normal yearning after a break up for wanting things to make sense, to be cut and dry and also to want to be a little be mad at your ex — because let’s be honest — it just makes things easier that way. Life, and intimate relationships, are of course much more complicated and messy.
So accept the fact that though it’s a little nice to know he’s thinking of you, it also hurts. It’s true you get to be in charge of your heart and if it’s too much to hear from him — block him for a period of time or forever. Tend to you. We’ve all been there. Time will mend.
tammy
is this like some temporary time off and then you guys have plans to get together? or its a total break up. if its a total break off for ever kinda thing than you need to block him. because if a simple birthday message bothered you so much whats the point to have him in your list? just block him and try putting him off your mind. constant contacts will only hinder your moving on process. away from sight and away from mind.
but if its just a temporary time out, then just say thanx and continue with your no contact till you feel your ready to reinitiate contact and have talks with him again. just say thanx and don’t talk unless your ready. and if he tries to draw you into a conversation, gently remind him and then stop responding.
Lane
He did it for one of two reasons. The first was to wish you a Happy Birthday no differently than anyone else who wished you a happy birthday. The second could have been a hook (bait) to see if you would respond but not for the reason you may hope for but just to see how you’re doing.
Just because you broke up doesn’t mean he just stops thinking of you. If you don’t want to respond with a simple ‘thanx’ then don’t, block him and continue on with your no contact as that’s the only way to do it…by removing any and all forums you have a connection with him on (email, phone, social media, etc.)
kaye
Kelly this is really simple. If you don’t want to be friends and don’t want to have any contact with him then tell him that!! By saying you would check in after a few weeks or telling him you need space for a couple months and should only contact in an emergency indicates you will remain in contact as friends. If that’s not what you want then tell him you want absolute ZERO contact and move on with your life!!
Khadija
Just be honest and tell him yo don’t want him contacting you anymore.
He thought of you on your birthday and reached out, not a big deal.
Kelly
Hey all, OP here. I gotta say you all have made very good points that have made me realize what I probably knew or felt deep down and just didn’t want to admit. T from NY, your comment especially resonated with me. And just to add some info, the split was final (not just a break) and it was mutual and amicable. I almost feel like it’s easier to move on from ex’s who are complete jerks but we actually liked being around each other but just couldn’t make it work. I guess part of me does maybe want to see him in the future, why I don’t know yet. We are too incompatible for it to ever work but for some reason I just feel so drawn to him. I’ll just have to work on my feelings and figure out why I have these thoughts I guess.
tammy
just a birthday wish from him sets you back. not good. just say thanx and leave it at that. and as already suggested, do take time off and go no contact completely. this is not for any other reason but just to help you get over the man completely. you guys have figured that this is not going to work out between you. but the feelings that you have will not go away immediately. so though your mind realises this wont work, your heart will take its own time to get over it. so go no contact and even if he tries to draw you in a conversation, try to avoid it. you can renew contact once you have moved on if you still want to be friends. I am friends with some of my exbfs. but that was possible only bec we both moved on in life.
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