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- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 2 years, 6 months ago by
Cat.
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dannie
Hello. I have a young child and am in the middle of getting divorced. I listen to crime podcasts, more than I personally probably should given my emotions, and don’t know how in the world someone like me with all my hang-ups with the world can date again. Is there anyone in or close to being in my boat that has advice?
Raven
Why are you trying to date?
Take some time to heal from your divorce… Get your head straight first.AngieBaby
Why are you listening to crime podcasts?? That’s some horrible energy and input for your brain.
Start listening to some inspiring and motivational podcasts instead and your mood will change for the better in a matter of days.
In the state of mind you’re in, you should definitely not be dating!! If you want to be around people then find some group activities. You need healing time before you go looking to be in another relationship. You won’t meet anyone good in the state of mind you’re in right now. I”m sorry, I know how much divorce hurts. You will get through it.
Raven
Also, should go without saying:
Do what is best for your young child.Liz Lemon
Agree with the others. How long were you married? Since you have a young child, I assume it’s probably been 5-10 years or so?
The best advice I can give you is to give it time. You should give it at least a year or two after the divorce is finalized before you even seriously think about dating. I know a lot of people want to jump right back into the dating pool to numb/avoid their feelings about the divorce, but that never ends well. Spend time with friends and family, enjoy your hobbies, maybe do some volunteering– as you are divorcing, and right after your divorce, your focus should be on healing yourself and not looking for another relationship. If it makes you feel better, my boyfriend had a terrible divorce with a young child involved, and swore he’d never marry again. I met him several years after his divorce and we’ve been together for over 3 years, are planning marriage eventually, and are really happy. But after his divorce he absolutely swore he’d never remarry, because he was so bitter. He never saw himself in the position he’s in now. It just takes time to heal and be in the right mindset to meet the right person. So give yourself time, that’s my advice.
And ditch the crime podcasts! Like Angiebaby said, that’s toxic material that’s poisoning your mindset. Find something more positive to indulge in. Motivational/inspirational stuff is fine, but really, it doesn’t even have to be that….just something constructive and positive. It can be cooking, travel, whatever. Just not crime.
Cat
Focus on yourself and your kids for the next 2-3 years. Heal from your wounds, find yourself, love yourself, become self aware and find happiness within.
At that point, you’ll be ready to date again. At that point, you won’t fall for BS relationships that suck you in because of your insecurities, illusions, or need for validation.
At that point you won’t be insecure, stuck in your own head, or desperate for acceptance!
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