Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Dating – told him off and now regretting it
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 4 years, 4 months ago by
Tallspicy.
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Ashley M
Been semi casually seeing a guy for about 1.5 months. Typically see each other once or twice per week. I am recently single again after just getting out of a 3 year relationship (I’m 29) and he has been separated from his wife for almost a year and they are in the divorce process (he’s 35). After the first date I could tell we were both interested. I was attracted to him, we have things in common and were easily able to talk about work, life, past wild times etc. he told me up front about him getting divorced and having a child so I decided it wasnt a deal breaker. We slept together on the 2nd Date and both made it clear we were into each other but still dating others but wanted to see where this went. Last week however when I had a few drinks with friends and he text me I made it clear I wanted more time and effort from him (even though he had been putting in a good amount of time and effort) I think I just was starting to get annoyed if I felt he was spending time with others. He said okay and that he was doing his best to see me with how busy his life had gotten the last few weeks (mess at work, moving and upcoming holiday travel). I went off (the wine talking not me) and said we should just step back until he has more time. He said he understands and okay (think he was shocked) fast forward a week and I miss him. I text him to see how things are going and he is responsive but short. I have decided I want to continue hanging out with him the way things were. I actually am not ready for much more than that. Should I tell him that, ask if he would like to get together soon, or just wait for him?
anon
Your best course of action was an apology for the drunk texting the next day. You probably showed yourself to be high drama and demanding, two things a lot of men do not like. If he is seeing others, you are probably now at the back of the priority list.
You can try a genuine apology for the drunk texting along the lines of “I am sorry for the texts the other night. It was the wine talking, and I know that you have been busy and understand that these things take time”, but you missed your shot.
Think about it, what if a guy told you off after 6 or 7 dates? You’d see that as a waving red flag. Guys see it too. The first few months need to be fun and drama free.
Vera
It wasn’t a great situation to begin with and you were understandably frustrated .
After 1.5 months he should be stepping things up. He didn’t do that . And you felt it and this is why you reacted .
Doesn’t matter if it’s because of the divorce , or due to work, or anything else . Bottom line is he seems emotionally unavailable . Why would you even want to date a guy like that?Sylvia
Usually I agree with Anon but this time I side with both Anon and Vera. Anon, it’d have been very good response. You clearly wanted more, seeing other people isn’t ideal and you simply felt, intuition that ok, he was busy and had lot of stuff going on but he didn’t make enough effort. Maybe the relationship would bloom but I always try to remember that if a guy is really into me he is escalating and I’m becoming a priority in his life at least dating wise. If I feel like that’s not the case then something is off. And the whole openly said “dating other people” puts me off. It’s honest but seeing/having sex with other people.. Did you sleep with other guys? He probably did. I’d prefer to see where it went for US.
Zoe
Move on. You want more and he doesnt. Now you will start begging for his time. Unattractive
Cut your lossesTallspicy
Ok, a lot to unpack…
If you don’t know what you want don’t be so declarative next time. If you think you want more, do not play the I don’t want much card. I really can’t tell if you don’t want more or if you are out of a relationship and confused. But generally women want more. Period.
If you want to do a Hail Mary, pick up the damn phone, apologize and hope he is gracious about your mistakes,
This all sounds very high school…” cool girl “ who says she wants casual gets drunk with friends and blames alcohol for acting high drama and immature. Please do not do that again.
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