Dating a married man


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This topic contains 29 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Rua 4 weeks ago.

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  • #934823 Reply

    Amelia

    I know this is frowned upon but I ask that you don’t judge and assume it’s going to end horribly. Sorry if English isn’t great not my first language.

    I met this man in by coincidence, we were both drawn to each other and ended up talking. I got his number and later found out when I texted him that he’s married. I suggested we stop talking and he agreed but we ended up bumping into each other again, the connection is unreal.

    Fast forward, it’s been a few months and we’ve become really close. It isn’t sexual, we have a connection on an emotional level. We have slept together only once. His relationship with his wife isn’t bad, he isn’t deep in love with her. He got married because his parents wanted him to and marriage wasn’t a big deal to him.

    We have had serious conversations about what would realistically happen if he left and he does have a plan. He needs to make sure his wife has visa here if they aren’t together, he said he would leave everything to her since it’s him in the wrong. He’s a materialistic guy so him leaving everything behind is a huge deal. The only thing right now that is stopping him is wanting his parents approval, they are very close. His mother knows about me, she is worried since he will lose everything of course. He’s taking baby steps with him to be able to convince her, this is what will hold us back if she doesn’t approve a divorce. He knows I will not wait around, I will not continue to date for a year like some.

    I wanted to write this more as a diary and if someone is in similar situation or has advice. I know some will say if he cheated now then he will cheat on you, we have talked about this and I wouldn’t get into it if I didn’t trust him enough.

    #934824 Reply

    Padmini

    Hi, Amelia,

    I can offer you Advice from what is happening so far:

    It appears that this Married-Man is ultimately very invested in his Family’s Preference; as he firstly entered the Marriage to respect his Family’s wishes. And materialism and status also seem very important to him. So be prepared for all those Elements to play a major role there; and for both Outcomes of your Relationship.

    It is also telling that this Man is taking a Step in an Alternate-Direction than usual by working towards a Future with you and leaving his Wife most of everything; which is different from how he had earlier just been controlled by his Family.

    I Advise you in the Meantime to Distance yourself a bit so you do not get disappointed if you do not End-Up Together. So you could hold off on having Sex with him till he is Divorced–if it does come to that. You could also make certain that HE is the one proactively undertaking all the Steps.

    #934826 Reply

    Raven

    He is married & will be for a long time…

    ‘marriage wasn’t a big deal to him.’
    Apparently neither is commitment… What he’ll do for you, he’ll do to you.

    #934828 Reply

    Naidoo

    I’m listening to the comments same situation

    #934830 Reply

    bonnie

    I have be there dated married man for 14 years until i moved far away cause i wasnt happy he was very controling and again only got married for religious reason.. all im going to say is Good luck with that leaving wife bs they will tell you whatever they think you need to hear

    #934831 Reply

    Raven

    Yup @bonnie

    #934832 Reply

    Marie

    I think you should have waited until the guy is divorced. Otherwise you rushed honey he can get sexual satisfaction anywhere else trust me. If he truly is serious about your relationship he is going to wait and if he truly cares about you he wouldn’t want to put you through drama with his wife. So hold on to your goodies dear,let him sort out his divorce quietly cause am sure you are not interested in the title husband snatcher plus you said he already knows you won’t wait so what’s the hurry. Chill and don’t get tangled up in his divorce drama. Otherwise this guy is full of red flags… My take

    #934834 Reply

    Gary H

    Well I feel for you this man should have never allowed this to happen I don’t care if you two met . And had a relationship earlier in life . This is what gives guys a bad rap Im so sick and tired of reading stories like these this is the problem in today’s society noons has any morals and respect for there wife or husband if you want to sleep around don’t get married and for you let this guy go . He will not divorce his wife for you . That’s pretty much a 95 % he stays with her he is playing you for a piece of tail . I’m sorry if it hurts but it’s the truth now even if he left his wife for u what makes you think he won’t do the same to o you ?

    #934835 Reply

    Emperror

    I want to be very straight with you dear,,it’s better you stay a way for good and wait for your own..because you won’t like the end trust me…for the fact his family is very important to him and every decision he make’s it’s gonna be hard for you to fit in trust me…so is best you stay off honey…just to safe you mental and emotional strength okay….

    #934836 Reply

    Padmini

    Additionally, To be very Forthright: This Married-Man could indeed be stringing-you-along; as the Others Implicate. So it is very possible that he is using his Parents and his Attempt to provide his Wife with a lot as excuses for Stalling his Divorce. For all we know, his Mother may not even know about you.

    So it is really wise for you to look-out for your Benefits by Distancing yourself from this Drama. Seek Professional-Therapy.

    Good luck!

    #934841 Reply

    Tammy

    Break it off and move on…

    #934843 Reply

    Sandy

    For all the women dealing with a married man what are you gaining. Nothing. If you think you are the first one stand in line. Sometimes you need to wonder why he not moving fast to get a divorce. It not because of the wife. Most realize that if another women will deal with him when he is married, why should I marry her. She is not married material, she is only there when my wife makes me mad.
    Or she does do what I like to be done. Most men realize he is safe with what he has. And the only money he is spending on you is coins compared what he is taking home to the family.

    #934846 Reply

    Sandra

    I so pity you, you waiting for a man to divorce his to marry you, the same another woman will be waiting for him to divorce you so he can marry her. Whether you like it or not, what to one another will do to you. There are single unmarried men but you choose someone that is married. Believe it or not, there’s no one married who decide to cheat that will tell the truth. He might truly liked you like he said. But there’s nothing that will give peace like when you marry your own man that has no baggage. Have you think about his kids? Those are one of the baggage that is waiting to scatter your own marriage with. Will they come to send time with their? Aye going to delete them out the man’s life as well?. Think twice before do something that will live to regret all your life. My take. Have a good life.

    #934847 Reply

    Justin

    You need to understand from a man’s mouth. He’s just making sure he’s still got what it takes to be able to get a women. Even though he’s married he’s not going to leave her. He’s just telling you what you want to hear. He might have respect and morels. But he’s just checking to make sure he’s still got what it takes. So no harm intended but there will be pain and suffering if you stay with him and it’s true no matter what he says he’ll do it to you as he did to here. Sorry but facts.

    #934848 Reply

    Ralph Schley

    What comes around goes around trust me it is true once a cheater always a cheater.

    #934853 Reply

    Thompsyn

    I don’t think I can remember reading anything referencing your location in the write up. In Swaziland, the king just approved polygamy. You guys may be thinking of relocating otherwise, hear me good “The man is not divorcing his wife”.

    #934854 Reply

    Wynter

    He will not leave his wife. He is just leading u on . Further, Give him space to get divorced first if you truly believe all that he is saying.. Lastly, what goes around comes around…you will end up praying for a faithful husband when the time comes ..u can’t let yourself get emotionally involved with a MARRIED man…lady and think u will live happelh ever after… U do dirt u get dirt at least disconnect until he leaves his wife completely…otherwise anyone can keep feeding you stories ..the fact that he is worried about her well being after leaving her Is redflag number 1!!

    #934855 Reply

    Padmini

    Haha! Thompsyn conveyed the Reality quite comically! :)

    I do not find it a Red-Flag that the Man is concerned about his Wife’s well-being after Divorce. If that were true, it would reflect some extant decency within him. However, I reiterate that it is Best for your own well-being that you Distance yourself from him while he is Married; and I am very glad to find that the Others are encouraging you towards the same.

    Good luck!

    #934856 Reply

    Nellie

    The fact that a man is taken should be No. 1 turn-off to you. I know when I see wedding ring on a man’s finger I get turned off instantly.

    #934858 Reply

    Masha

    The only married man that is okay to get married to is a widower.if he has kids with his wife and if his wife is still in love with him somehow..as long as you continue to get married to him after his divorce, you will never be happy. Because what you’re doing
    is adulterous .his sinful ways will olso catch up with him. Marriage is a forever commitment..he did not only want to please his family but he olso wanted it that’s why his married to her.his a cheater and a lair while you’re a home breaker and a prostitute. Stop what you’re doing, as long as his a married man, happy or not,you’re wrong .

    #934859 Reply

    Masha

    either happy in his marriage or not.

    As long as his a married man, what you’re doing both of you is extremely bad and disgusting.
    I hate people like you,you’re the reason why prostitutes exist, homeless kids in the streets, fatherless or motherless kids exist. Its not easy being raised by a single parent or by someone who isn’t your real parent.
    You’re selfish and a devil himself. Get out!!!!!

    #934860 Reply

    Rubi

    Amelia, your connection with him might be real however the reality is he is married. And his culture is arrange marriage or at least the parents are the ones that has the say so. He is not getting out of this. If he does his whole family will lose their reputation because his families made promises to the wife’s family. It never mattered what he and the wife wanted.

    You have to be realistic about this situation and let it go.

    #934869 Reply

    Padmini

    Hi, Amelia,

    I am neither for being as harsh as a few other Posters; nor being as indulgent as James.

    I am sorry that you have been caught-up in this tumultuous situation. We are all imperfect–and make Errors. At the Moment: you have made an Error with succumbing to this Extramarital-Affair. If you continue in this Direction: You will be making a Mistake, rather than an Error. As an Error is an Action, which may not have begun with Vile-Intentions, but ends-up being wrong or inappropriate; and a Mistake is an Action, which you are well-aware is unbeneficial or inappropriate.

    I am glad that you asked for us not to judge you; as you thus Reflect that:
    1: You do indeed have a Moral-Compass, which is in Working-Order.
    2: You are not yet for being caught in the Vicious-Cycle of Self-Loathing.

    However: If you succumb to indulging Your *SELF* in this Extramarital-Affair: You will fall prey to either:
    1: Nullifying your Moral-Compass.

    OR:

    2: Drowning in the Vicious Cycle of Self-Loathing.

    So I really do not find it wise to follow James’s Advice to enjoy the Affair for the Time-Being. Far from giving the Married-Man 100%, do your very best to Detach and Distance yourself from him. You will certainly not be able to move on fast if it does not End-Up with an Outcome that you desire.

    For Clarification, when I had Advised you to make certain that HE is the one proactively undertaking all the Steps: I had meant that you should only consider a Future with him if he is actually demonstrating proactivity him in Ending his Marriage to be with you. I did not mean that you should demand action on his part.

    Good Luck!

    #934876 Reply

    Amelia

    I thank those who weren’t rude about this and gave advice. I am distancing myself a bit from him, he is taking steps towards his divorce after we spoke further but from reading some comments it’s healthier I step aside while this happens.

    To those saying I’m just his side girl for using, you do not know the situation. We deeply talk about the situation and both cry, one who is using isn’t this invested or shows these emotions. I’m very well aware it’s a wrong situation to be in, as the comment above we make mistakes. I’ve found myself in one and have risked it.

    #934879 Reply

    AngieBaby

    Amelia, as a long time participant on this forum I’d like you to know that all of these people who’ve thrown hate your way are not likely real or even possibly one person being mean. I’ve never seen most of these screen names until your post. So please do ignore.

    I had a friend who was married and very unhappy. (They had lived together for almost three years and got married under pressure from his family and it went sour within six months.) She met another man at a party. They were instantly drawn to each other. She sat and talked with him all night (her husband was not present) and the next day he called her to apologize for talking to her for so long as he knew she was married but he did feel a strong attraction, and knew it was wrong. She told him she felt the same and she told him she was already planning to leave her marriage and to please give her 6-12 months and once she had filed and moved out she would be in touch. He agreed, and they did not communicate for almost a year at which time she had done what she set out to do. They got together and after a year were married. That was 10 years ago. The key was, she did not use the other guy as an emotional crutch and worked through the legal process and her feelings of loss and grief (which you invariably have no matter how amicable the divorce) on her own and arrived on his door step free and clear, so to speak.

    So these things do work out sometimes. But honestly, the odds are not in your favor. What happens most of the time is when it comes down to actually doing the divorce, the person decides to return to their spouse. I also knew someone who was with a separated man for five years… until the day he decided to go and reconcile with his wife.

    I know this isn’t what you want to hear but if I were you I’d back way off and give him space to get the divorce filed. As in have no contact for a while. You’ve got double trouble in that he has to both get the divorce and his mother/family’s approval. It’s not in your best interest to be hanging around, always available to hold his hand through this. And honestly, if he’s serious about this marriage being over and about being with you, letting him be for the same 6-12 months will be the healthiest thing for both of you. It’s important for you to keep on living your life and not waiting around on him and for this to happen that are 100% out of your control. It’s a weak position. So I know it’s hard but let him work this out and find you when the divorce is done and he has some feel for how his family will take you entering his life. You’ll both feel a lot better and you can start fresh together with integrity, if that’s what’s meant to be.

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