Dating a guy for 2 months, what are the signs if he’s serious or not?


Home Forums Dating and Sex Advice Dating a guy for 2 months, what are the signs if he’s serious or not?

This topic contains 10 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Prestar G 4 years, 8 months ago.

Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #756962 Reply

    Lara

    Hello. I have been seeing this guy regularly (1-2 times /week) for 2 months now. I’m in my early 30s and he’s about 9 years older than me.

    We never have serious talk about our future. When we make plans, it’s for dates and hang-outs. During sex, couple of times he mentioned that he wants to have a baby with me one day. He might be serious, or it might be his lust talking. Haha.

    We don’t text much so I don’t know how his days are until the day we meet. All I know is he’s occupied with work, house renovation and taking care of his dog. We are not seeing anyone else at the moment (that’s what he admitted) but it doesn’t feel like we’re exclusively dating.

    Few days ago he told me, a girl he knew from his friend, stated her feelings to him. But he told her he didn’t want a relationship with her because he’s kind of seeing someone and because he didn’t like her (this was his words).

    My questions:
    1. Is this a red flag that he doesn’t want a relationship in general?
    2. He still sees us as “kind of seeing each other”. How long does it usually take for casual couples to move things to exclusive relationship? “Too slow”, “too fast”, all these dating rules are sometimes too pretentious and superficial.
    3. If he doesn’t bring this issue up in reasonable amount of time, is it sensible for me to ask him first? Because this is what I’m looking for.

    Thanks for your opinions!

    #756967 Reply

    peggy

    Hi Lara. It has been 2 months! Don’t initiate any “heavy talks” at this point. You should have asked him,when you first started to date-what his intentions with dating were. Such as ” I am looking to find the right partner for a serious/long term relationship. What are you interested in?” Then if he only wants a casual or FWB and not a long term GF, you walk away.
    I would not have sex with anyone unless I was sure we were exclusive and he was not planning to keep dating others. So now,I would leave things for a month or two-as 3-4 months is the time frame that guys usually decide about how they feel.
    If after 4 months you have no further idea of his status/feelings-such as he loves you or asks you to be his girlfriend,then you could have a talk to avoid wasting your time. Then I would tell him “I am really enjoying our time together and feel we are a good match. How do you see me/our relationship?” I hope this helps-everything sounds fine,you need to chill out and be patient here,is my advice.

    #756975 Reply

    Amy

    Lara,
    I agree with what Peggy said with the exception of one small tweak – if you do get to the point of defining what you two are, (if he hasn’t brought it up by a time you find appropriate) I suggest you state your thoughts and what you are looking for/open to. Then, wait to see how he responds before asking him to define how he sees things. I would ask him how he sees it but give him a chance to put it out before supplying him with a specific question. Don’t worry about giving too much info with stating what you want. If he wants the same he will be more confident to express his feelings knowing you are into the relationship. If he doesn’t want the same, he will know where you stand. If he starts dancing around the subject, ask him how he sees things. He’ll either continue dancing or flat out say he only wants casual.

    #756987 Reply

    Omg

    [deleted post from banned user]

    #756997 Reply

    Lara

    What major red flags do I have to look out for in the few more weeks to come? Is it ok for the fact that we don’t text much. Sometimes I feel disconnected from him because we lack daily communication.

    Peggy, thank you for your advice. I do think 3-4 months is a reasonable amount of time for someone to know what they want in a relationship. I’ll see where we are going. Amy, you’re right. I will state my point eventually if he doesn’t step up. I’ll give us more time. And Omg, I appreciate your honesty. But I’d like to think the positive first until I see the real negative symptoms from him.

    #756998 Reply

    Lane

    Op, its impossible to know someone well enough with a handful of dates/hangouts to know what they want or don’t want with that individual until enough time has passed for them to know or not.

    I do know men don’t like feeling pressured and need to make their mind up based on how they feel during and after a date. People can easily be on ‘good behavior’ for a short bit, but its when they start dropping their guard and begin showing more of their truer selves that the fissures appear and it could be enough for a man, or woman. to not want that in a potential partner.

    You are too overly anxious, more interested in a label or having some kind of title then really getting to know the guy. Seriously, you are ‘too serious’ and that could very well be your downfall in dating because you overly focused on the goal of where you stand v. getting to really know the person well enough to even make a good or sound judgement or decisions on.

    Chill out, lean back, enjoy the time you spend together, get to learn more about him while you ask each other questions, listen, watch and observe to make sure he’s not a lemon, has serious fissures or flaws that he hasn’t exposed (potentially hiding) because you really don’t know him at all, only what he wants you to hear and know. Don’t jump so fast into a shallow pool without having more intel or information to know the kind of man he truly is. If he’s not opening up, sharing, wanting you to meet people dear to him by starting the process of incorporating you into his world, which a man does with a lady he see’s potential with, then you walk away.

    #757036 Reply

    A

    I agree with omg. If a guy likes you, he will want to take you off the market as soon as possible. No guy wants to know a girl he is interested in is sleeping with other dudes. He will WANT to be exclusive with you early on. The fact that you’re having sex with him, and he isn’t communicating with you much outside of dates is not a good sign. 1-2 dates per week times 8 weeks, that’s 16 dates. That’s a lot of time spent together for him to know if he wants a relationship with you. I would bring up something like “we’ve been seeing each other for a couple months, and my feelings have been growing for you. Is a relationship something that you see with me, or am I wasting my time.” Be prepared to go no contact if he says no, or needs more time.

    #757083 Reply

    Irving

    omg is right, s/he has put it out recklessly though. If a guy is seriously into a lady even a date is enough for him take it to the next level, whether the date involves sex or not. Nothing like more time to make his mind because a man’s love fades with time… so 16 dates is a lot.
    Lara, to me, you should start asking serious questions that can open him up. It’s time you play and dance to your tune. Good luck.

    #757087 Reply

    Prestar G

    Some men believe they will have a better option than the ones on the table so they tend to not commit quickly so as to miss the moon while counting the stars , so you should make him feel you are the best option for him and he will give up on waiting over his fantasies and try and settle with the real you but if he still does feel you are the right one , he will keep waiting for his fantasies to come through while strolling with u in that situationship u think its a relationship. Time waits for no man, so buckle up and face your demons early enough.

Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
Reply To: Dating a guy for 2 months, what are the signs if he’s serious or not?
Your information:





<blockquote> <code> <pre> <em> <strong> <ul> <ol start=""> <li>

recent topics