Date scheduled but he says he's not sure about feelings

Can you say a bit more about how that statement came about? Ie – was it in response to something you said or ‘out of the blue’?

In any event, four dates is not that much and one could understand that someone may not be sure about their feelings yet. He still asked you out and wants to see you. This is early days and some people take time to get bonded. So depending on the context I would not read too much into this? If this was said in a relationship I would have more ‘alarm bells ringing’.

If you cancel, it means pretty much you would stop dating him, is this right? and is this what you want? Because as you say, his feelings won’t magically change, nor will he start to have more feelings because you cancelled.

I don’t like that he said that out of the blue and if a guy said that to me I wouldn’t like it . It almost gives him perceived power over the situation and like you said you may be left with that chasing a carrot on the stick feeling .
It’s up to you- you can decide to go on this date with no expectations if you want , otherwise if you cancel it’s likely over .

I was thinking about this more – because I’m very much like you in that I would want to stop things from continuing if there seems to be no point .
But in this case it’s not clear cut .
What’s the worse that can happen? You date him a couple more times , it becomes more clear that he does not have feelings for you and he – gasp! Ends things or fades out.
Sometimes we want to prevent future pain by putting up a wall . And sometimes that’s a good thing . But in this particular case, I think based on what he said and how he said it , it won’t hurt to just take it date by date for now … Until it’s more clear . No expectations but obviously if it becomes clear he’s not into it then you can put your foot down .

In my opinion if you decide to end it , don’t tell him why. If you say something like , oh you’re not certain about us therefore I don’t want to continue … he may then backtrack and say no that’s not what I meant etc . It’ll result in a back and forth. If you want that back and forth , it’s better to just go on the date and bring it up there .

Otherwise , IMHO … if you want to end it , just respectfully say that you don’t want to continue and don’t give a reason

I’m with newbie. You aren’t feeling it yet either which is fine but i don’t like that he told you – i mean what did he expect you to do with that??! Its so off putting!

Its not like you are expecting him to be sure and in love with you so that’s not the issue here. Its that he told you… as if its some sort of warning? I don’t get it. Its fine and normal that he isn’t all in after 3 dates but if i were you i would feel like its a waste of my time too. He might well date you more and get feelings but it feels like you are auditioning and that is not relaxing!

So, personally I’d say that I’m not sure of my feelings either as it is too soon to tell, but since he has mentioned it and you agree, another date isn’t going to change anything and i wish him well

Good call. My dad says if it’s not a hell yeah it’s a no. No one who’s interested In you or really interested to see if something develops would say that. It’s an easy let down in manspeak. I’m with the other ladies who said tell him you’re not feeling it either and nice to have met you and all the best, no further dates needed.

well he might not know what to say, but if he really liked you , he would reply either saying he is sorry or that he wants to see you. The fact that he has chosen not to reply I guess speaks volume.
But you did the right thing, you want someone who is sure about you :)

Okay so update! He finally responded and says that he caught feelings for someone while being on a holiday and that therefore it doesn’t feel right to continue dating. So it seemed like my gut instinct was completely right and knowing this now I’m even more glad to have ended it before he did. If I would not have said anything I would have to go to some horribly awkward date with a man who had made up his mind anyway. Not sure why he didn’t just tell me right away but I’m SO glad I did that for him and stayed true to my feelings and my standards.

Thank you! I feel good about it too thanks to all of your help! He was sort of honest yeah, but he only told me the truth after I said that I don’t think it would be a great idea to meet up on friday. Anyway, this is the best for both of us so I’m glad it happened this way and there isn’t any time wasted :)