Covid.Second date. Should I go to his place again or insist on one using loophol


Home Forums Dating and Sex Advice Covid.Second date. Should I go to his place again or insist on one using loophol

This topic contains 17 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  ANM Staff 1 month, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #828505 Reply

    Avalanche

    So here’s the thing. Restaurants are closed here even in hotels. Room service only. He asked me on a second date to him place telling me he’ll make (or buy) some vegetarian food and wine for me. Which is nice. But I didn’t want to be a possible booty call. I thought neutral ground would be nice. I suggested him after the first date to find a loophole and said “let’s go out”. He was “since last weekend everything was closed” and the topic died for now. After calling many many places I found 2 – one being a pizza place (more student-like) and the other – posh, a bit too posh for my liking but not OTT. I’m not going to eat or be expensive. Here’s the thing though. Should I kind of force him and change him to the degree he doesn’t like and take him to place he doesn’t like and insist on being wined and dined in a restaurant and then call it a night and leave him wanting more. Restaurant means no sex, apartment is more tricky. One friend said: “let him show what he can do for you in his apartment, don’t force too many things on a second date”, the other was more like “say next time you’d gladly try vegetarian food in his place but this time we’re going out”. Neutral ground. I already showed him I’m interested. I don’t want to be too princessy and restaurant is more boring option and apartment is homey but coming to his place for the second time I’m afraid can send a wrong message. As can forcing him to wear elegant clothes and go to a restaurant. Please help me! Covid is a nightmare when dating. Both options are kind of bad!

    #828526 Reply

    Newbie

    Avalanche is back.
    Well here is the thing. Restaurants are closed! So dragging him to the one pricy place that is open (illegally?) is ridiculous. Only outdoors public places are an option as an alternative. A walk in the park, that kind of thing. Take a way and go to a pick Nick bench. Skating maybe. If you dont want the home date find something outdoors

    #828531 Reply

    Avalanche

    I can’t skate (ankle) and it’s so cold the walk after my work is freezing.
    So can I totally go to his place without being a doormat? I was scared it’d feel like being one!

    #828541 Reply

    Newbie

    You been there the first time. I agree its better to date outside homes but its simply not an option atm. Malls are the only other options lol. Its not the homedate thats the issue except if you were worried about your safety. . Its not that sex is a must after that. Just make clear thats not an option if he might go there if you do do the homedate. In case you dont want to have sex.
    I dont know what i would do really. I would still find someting outside i think. There must be options with blankets involved

    #828561 Reply

    Avalanche

    Ok to be honest I already made out with him but I had a very bad “surprise” and wanted to feel some human connection. He asked me to stay the night and I refused. Does it change anything? (I knew if I mention this you’d be livid!)

    #828566 Reply

    Newbie

    How would i or others be livid? This is not a catholic forum about abstinence lol. But in the getting the whole picture its helpful to know what the surprise was. Or you mean you got your period?
    I did wild stuff but knowing now what i know i would have never told my young self to go to homedates with a guy you know nothing about. Just for your own safety. There are too many weirdo’s outthere. But ok, now i do see you want to not get in that pattern. You have 3 choices: go and not have sex, go and have sex, go somplace else. Its your boundaries that count, not mine. Im not even against one night stand. Im in a relationship with one that started like that. Its just that for most men it ends right there real fast.

    #828569 Reply

    Ianthe

    Under the restrictions,are you actually allowed to visit other people’s homes? Surely not!

    #828570 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    LOL at Newbie!

    I agree that dating is really hard now because of the lack of options. OP, are there any museums open where you live? Maybe a stroll through a museum? Where I live they’re all closed, but I don’t know how it is in other places. And unless you get nice, sunny weather, a walk in a park in winter isn’t fun.

    I think given the circumstances the home date is acceptable, IF you feel safe going. That’s a big “if”. You should definitely give his contact info to a friend and plan to check in after the date, if she doesn’t hear from you, she should call the cops or something (kidding but not kidding).

    And Newbie is right. You can go and not have sex. You can go and have sex. The choice is up to you. I would definitely caution against having sex with this guy on the 2nd date if you want to potentially pursue something serious with him. Like Newbie said, sometimes relationships come out of one night stands or sex on the 1st or 2nd date, but the majority of the time the guy loses interest if you give it up too easy. It’s just the way it is. I’ve been there, believe me.

    If you choose to go to his home, and don’t want to have sex, make it clear to the guy that you don’t want to go there. You can tell him you really like him and want to get to know him, but don’t sleep with men this early on. And don’t drink a lot and get tipsy because that’s where people screw up and wind up sleeping with people when they didn’t mean to. He has already brought up staying the night the previous time, so if you think a daytime date would be safer in that regard, ask him for a lunch date one weekend. He can cook you a nice vegetarian lunch and you can be home before dark. Seriously, these strange times call for new approaches to dating.

    I feel for people who aren’t in relationships now because it really does suck. Dating is near impossible right now if you live in a cold climate. Don’t be hard on yourself, just keep your safety in mind first and foremost.

    #828572 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    Ianthe– where I live, folks are not technically prohibited from visiting others’ homes. There’s no stay at home order. It’s not encouraged by any means, though. But that is another thing to think about for the OP. How big is this guy’s pandemic bubble, how many people is he in contact with? Is he dating others? Etc. Unless he is working from home and not having contact with anyone else, there is a level of risk.

    #828574 Reply

    Avalanche

    So during the first date I kind of forgot about my date for exactly 43 minutes because I didn’t set the boundaries with my female friends and got lost in the news. Her father has cancer and she was crying, I was thinking if I have access to the best specialists (I don’t. One I had is dead).
    And after that I was the one who was cuddly. We made out he wanted me to stay at his place but I declined. The cancer news just threw me off balance. Thank you for being not judgmental! I’d even want to have sex with him but honestly I’m scared that the chase would be totally over. Like I can’t be too nice.

    #828578 Reply

    Avalanche

    Sorry for double posters but for others, all the museum theatres are closed. Culture got screwed over the most in my country! You can go to hairdresser stay in a hotel go to spa but culture? no. The Christmas eve is limited to 5 people and people can gather at their homes up to 5 people. It’s bizarre but our government is bizarre after all we can soon get kicked out of European Union so imagine..
    My date had covid already. Liz thank you for understanding that I like sun almost froze in a sort of amusement park (I know, how can they work where there’s like 200 people) and it was warmer than now.
    I’m sure he has other options, dates or at least before his covid. During the covid he literally couldn’t. I can feel it and I also don’t expect being priority and him being in love after one date.

    #828580 Reply

    Ianthe

    *Unless he is working from home and not having contact with anyone else, there is a level of risk*

    Exactly Liz. It would be very unusual if hotels, restaurants etc were closed AND separate households would be permitted to meet indoors!

    #828581 Reply

    Ianthe

    *were permitted*

    #828583 Reply

    Ianthe

    *My date had covid already*

    Is he absolutely sure ie did he have a test and actually tested positive? I heard so many people say they ‘had’ it earlier on only to find when they had an antibody test later on,they never had it at all!

    Furthermore, scientists don’t yet know if someone who already tested positive and had symptoms, is necessarily immune from getting it again!

    #828587 Reply

    Avalanche

    Well, I already met up with him. He was positive. He wanted to go on holidays and they needed PCR test to board a plane. So he got tested and every single they they checked up on him if he’s at home.

    #828762 Reply

    Lane

    I don’t understand why dating has become all about “food” today? Seriously, back in our day we didn’t date in restaurants. First few initial dates took place away from our homes by doing fun activities such as roller skating, bowling, arcade, walk on the beach/pier—those kind of things where food wasn’t involved because we ate before or after the date when we returned home. Initial dates really shouldn’t last more than an hour for the first two or three and should involve some activity so you don’t over talk as you need to leave some mystery and intrigue, then slowly increase it until you’re an official couple.

    When in the military, I was stationed in Montana where the weather during the winter is very frigid yet I had no problem doing non-dorm room activity dates that didn’t involve restaurants either. I get its a bit more difficult with COVID but I’m sure there’s something open indoors that doesn’t revolve around food where you can still talk, do something interesting and get to know each other too.

    I’m sure the two of you can come up with something to do that’s neither at home or food related. :o)

    #828930 Reply

    Poppy

    Sorry to jump on this post.
    I used to come on here years ago.. but I now can’t see how I can start a new thread.. advice on how too please?

    #828934 Reply

    ANM Staff
    Keymaster

    Hi Poppy – You can go to one of the individual forum pages, like the one -here at this link-. Scroll all the way to the bottom of the list of posts, and you’ll see the form for a new topic at the bottom.

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Reply To: Covid.Second date. Should I go to his place again or insist on one using loophol
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