Attention

yes, please look up everything you can about insecure attachment. Women who tolerate malarky and get over invested usually are insecure attachment. Do work on why you abandon yourself to someone giving you attention instead of giving yourself attention – this is inner child work.

Married men are not giving you positive attention, they are giving you half assed attention, don’t you think you deserve more?

From the posts you made i feel you dont really know yourself very well and are inclined to mask things or twist them. I name a few examples. In one post you say you are so sweet and smart that it should be easy to find a nice man, when in another your say you have self esteem issues. Inc this post you recognize you like attention from any man which is smart but instead of looking for better you still sort of want this man. You feel like your friends are insulting you and at the same point you feel you are better than them since they or at least the last friend fell for a wrong guy. Im not saying this to highlight you contradict yourself but so show you are not our authentic self since you have no deep knowledge of yourself or trying to hide things. I think this stands in your way of finding a good match. You have to be true to yourself first or you will be emotional unavailable yourself and not getting anywhere. I told you before you are making excuses for anything that you can change but wont. And that keeps you stuck. At this point you are your own worst enemy. You are only 29 so time to fix this. I would do two things: invest some money in a counselor/therapist to get a better handle on yourself and to think about what would make you happy and go out of your comfort zone to do it. Like taking a creative class, go see a place or museum you want to see. You are the one holding yourself back so its up to you to change it.

I agree with you 100%. I know I am not my full authentic self. I censore myself. I know I got this from my mother growing up who insilled this thinking into me and still does.

I have tremendous fear of people not liking, accepting, or being happy with me for being my true self.

And I think past interactions whereI have opened up, have been negatively reacted to, so I am this shell of myself.

When you can accept you’re not everyone’s cup of tea and it no longer bothers you- you will find the freedom to be ok to be yourself.

Not everyone is gonna like you. Someone out there probably thinks you are weird and doesn’t like it and someone else will think you’re weird and love it. It’s ok to be yourself. You don’t have to explain yourself or change yourself to get someone to like you no matter how handsome, beautiful, or great they are. if they don’t see you and like you, they don’t have to look at you and you don’t have to depend on them to be ok with who you are.

It’s easier said than done but embrace who you are, it keeps the right people in your life.

How would you feel if you’d just had this guys baby & we was trying to get with a girl at his work…

You’re making excuses…

It sounds to me that you need to work on your self esteem/self worth.

If you are actively trying to seek attention from a married man then there is an issue.
It seems like you aren’t self aware.

Perhaps a few sessions with a therapist could do you some good.

Carmen. Actively pursuing, if even in your head men with partners make you a very unhealthy bad person. Read that again when karma smacks you in the face. Imagine what you are telling the universe by getting involved in this…. about you and who you are and what you want and deserve.

Gross

I am afraid that he is not pursuing you either, which, considering what you wrote about falling for guys that give you attention, should solve this married-man-dilemma.

Focus on the facts and focus on reality. You are not doing anything wrong because all they are is illusions you created in your mind.

The reality: all we’ve merely said is hi, how are you?

The illusion: My friends thought he may try to pursue me again.

It’s all in your head. You know right from wrong. You did the right thing telling him no when he asked you out and I am sure his wife would appreciate that. He will eventually find someone stupid enough to fall for it.

Just because you think it, doesn’t mean you have to act on it. There’s nothing wrong with fantasising about it as long as you don’t act on it. Right from wrong. You’re brave for posting honestly about how you feel.

It doesn’t make you a bad unhealthy person. We all fantasize and we all think bad things we shouldn’t be doing. The ones who act on it are bad and unhealthy and need therapy.

I’ve been doing some self reflection and deep thinking. About myself, about my life, about everything.

I’m over married men, bad guys, etc…

I’ve made bad romantic decisions in the past.

Its hard to find a good guy. It really is. I’ve noticed that I keep trying to fit myself into a square hole, and I’m a round peg.

No men I’ve met have their lives together. I do.

I don’t mean that in a mean way like they are losers. I’ve dated successful men.

I mean it in the sense that they are still figuring out their stuff.

I think back years and years. Every guy I met had one or more of these issues:

Didn’t know where they wanted to live or settle

Didn’t know where their career was going

Lacked a fulfilling career and was lost

Had a poor living sitiation, parents, bad apartment

Just overall didn’t have their life figured out.

I have mostly.

I grew a great career abnormally early. Moved into a great pad of my own abnormally early. Had a sustainable income abnormally early. Knew sort of where I wanted to be, again abnormally early. By the time I was 22, 23 years old.

Now at 29, I’m still meeting guys and they still don’t have this stuff together.

I’ve checked married guy out of my head. He’s unavailable, period.

I think I chase these successful still fuguring stuff out guys, for what they could be. Not what they are. Again, not tooting my own horn. I still am figuring stuff out in my life. But no guy has really been on my level. So I lower my level.

I then think that I better squeeze myself into their life since they don’t rise to fit into mine. And it never ever works out. Again, square hole, round peg. And then they leave. They leave because I cater and settle for their life and not my own. I look back at so many relationships I TRIED, focus on me, I tried to make work. And at the beginning I should have walked away when flags were raised that they didn’t have their stuff together.

I see all of them more stable now in their lives and with woman they love on social media. I guess timing is key. I then feel bad thinking why wasn’t I enough for them?

Maybe I attract them when their lives are jumbled.

I always go back to the life I wanted after they leave me. My life. I’m living my life right now and have been single for over 6 months. I love my life. I love what I create for me.

I know exactly what I want.

How do I find men who have their lives together and want to meet someone like me to enjoy life with?

I love my life. I miss is when I date them. Its a sad reality as I sit here pondering my past mistakes.