Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Asked for nudes after one date?!? Red flag or not?
- This topic has 16 replies and was last updated 4 years, 4 months ago by
Steph.
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Holly
Over the weekend I went on a first date with a great guy who I met at my work–I’m a bartender and he was a customer, and he left his number on his receipt. We went out for drinks and had an amazing time. Conversation flowed the whole time, we have similar interests, and we learned a lot about each other. He’s also incredibly hot. He invited me to come over to his place before we both left town for Thanksgiving, but it didn’t work out, which I’m honestly relieved about because I’m trying this thing where I *don’t* sleep with guys after just one date.
He texted me a couple days later and we agreed we wanted to see each other again after the holiday. Then he shocked me by asking if I would be willing to send him “naughty pictures” to “build anticipation.” What the hell?! I haven’t dated for years and I guess I’m a little out of the loop, but I couldn’t believe he had the balls to ask for nudes so soon. He’s 39, so it’s not a generational thing. Is this normal behavior? It felt like a huge red flag to me, but when I asked a few friends about it, they thought it was more of a “yellow flag.” Ultimately I told him I wasn’t comfortable sending nudes yet and he was cool with it, but I just didn’t like the way that made me feel. At the very least, it makes me think he’s only interested in sex from me and doesn’t see me as girlfriend material. So here I am, asking strangers on the internet for some advice. Any thoughts?
Ss
You are right. He is assuming you will have sex when you meet. If you are cool with casual then do as you please but this isn’t the behaviour of a guy who wants a relationship!
Anon
I think sending nude pics happens more often especially with much younger folks and through dating sites like Bumble. My girlfriends who are early 40’s have gotten and wanted nude pics of guys they haven’t even met yet so it may be the new way of dating.
Newbie
Is he looking for a gf? There is not much point in acting like ‘gf material’ (i hate those words), when he is just a smooth guy picking up girls in bars. At least thats what i see so far. You had one date, he wanted to take you home and now wants nudes. To me its very clear what he wants
new Newbie
If I were advising a close friend I would tell you no. Think for a second how foolish it would be to provide nude photographs to someone you met one time. You don’t know what he would do with those photographs or where they may end up.
Save this for someone you trust if that’s what you’re both into with each other.
Vera
Red flag for sure . Not respectful at all.
Raven
It’s not a red flag, that flag is a Bon FIRE!!
Gentlemen he is not…
Raven
Ask him, build anticipation for what …?
Sneakerhead
He wants spank material for the holiday period? He can’t keep it in his pants for a few days unless you provide him with nudes? You know, cos he’s so good looking and can just leave his number on receipts in restaurants, diners, bars… And easily pick up.
Dangerouse
I would find that highly insulting and would drop him already. He blew it, hes shown you hes no gentleman and a jerk off . Literally
Kalyn
You said after the first date, he invited you to his house for the next and you didn’t go because it didn’t work out. So he thinks you would have gone to his house on the second date if the timing had been better? If so, he is assuming you’re down for sex after one date and asking for nudes doesn’t seem so far fetched.
If you like him and want to hold off on having sex to see if things develop beyond physical, you probably shouldn’t have been willing to go to his house on the second date. When he asked, you could have said something like, “You know, I am really flattered by the invitation but it’s not usually my style to move that fast. But, I’d love to go out with you again next Friday”. I’m guessing he wouldn’t have made the request if that had been your response because you made your standards pretty clear.
A lot of men will try to get away with whatever they can and he may be so used to women sharing nudes early on that it doesn’t seem odd to ask. It could be a red flag or this could just be how he’s been conditioned. Be different than the rest. Politely decline such requests and requests to go to his house too early, without insulting him or getting angry. He subconsciously wants to work for it, so let him.
Sylvia
Kalyn I agree 100%. I went to a guy’s house and he was furious that I didn’t want to have sex. I didn’t know the unspoken rules. Also, I had a friend and I got a glimpse of his tinder messages. A lot of young girls send nudes! Maybe for him it’s the norm. Unfortunately, that’s the world we live in and we’d all be probably be surprised how far some women are willing to go.. if he is used to getting nudes than maybe he isn’t necessarily a jerk. Be cautious though.
Better off single
This guy is on the rebound or not interested in anything serious.
T from NY
Please know this guy is either not interested in a relationship at this time in his life or not interested in a relationship with you. Asking for naughty pictures is SO RUDE in my opinion, unless both parties have clearly communicated they are just looking for sex. Even then – I don’t give my f—buddy pics of me. I agree completely you do not agree to go to a guys house unless you are DTF. He probably felt like you were speaking the same language.
I would tell this guy that upon reflection, you realize you are clearly not on the same page. What I’ve said to a man in the past that had the kahunnas to ask me for pics is – “I don’t send pics to someone who isn’t my boyfriend. I think we’re looking for different things. Best of luck.”
K
LFMAO… how could this NOT be a red flag??!! SMH…
Throw this one back.
Ames
Haha Raven was correct. Bonfire. He’s testing you…you didn’t send nudes (thank God) or go to his house. But you didn’t stop talking to him. Therefore you are still entertaining him. Go on more dates! Not with him…he showed you his true colors from the start! And they suck! xox
Steph
Hey OP,
Ahhhhhh the thrills of online dating. I would avoid this immature man child because he is 100% only in it for sex. A real gentleman would NEVER ask for something like that when you are practically still strangers. Any man who gives me the slightest hint that he’s a f*ck boy automatically won’t get a date with me because I have no time for that. -
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