Am I over reacting


Home Forums Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals Am I over reacting

This topic contains 24 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  AngieBaby 1 month ago.

Viewing 25 posts - 1 through 25 (of 25 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #942942 Reply

    Maria

    My partner of 6 years has been messaging a girl at his work. I lost my sh*t to be honest and said I I didn’t like him messaging her . He says they are just friends and I’m over reacting . Today they went for a run together . He told me there was a third person then I found out he lied about a third person being there. I lost it ! Yelled and went off at him and he said he only lied cause he knew how I’d react . Keeps making me out to be crazy . He’s never done this before , I’m in shock . Am I being gas lit?

    #942944 Reply

    Khadija

    Most affairs start at the work place. He lied to you and you’ve expressed how you feel about this. I would not trust this at all. I’d really to know why is he seeking a friendship with her outside of work. Ask him and try no to yell this time.

    #942945 Reply

    Raven

    Why the yelling? That’ll get you squat…

    He’s lying, he knows he’s lying.

    #943167 Reply

    Marie

    Hi again
    So he continues to interact with this woman via social media , liking each others photos , snapping each other . They sit together at lunch . I moved out for a few days and he was a mess , crying , apologising , says he wants to work on our relationship. We talk about our issues and what we need to work on and I can see some changes in all those areas -except- he won’t stop interacting with this girl. Selfies etc . Now he gas lights me and tells me I’m insecure and has trust issues . I feel like I’m going crazy over this . I don’t want to loose him but I feel I need to stand my ground . He says they’re friends and can’t cut her off . I know he has feelings for her . What do I do

    #943168 Reply

    Rox

    Is the coworker new to his work?
    Does he have other friends that are women?
    It’s good to say you don’t like it , but just don’t go from 1 to 100 – ask yourself why it angers you.

    Seems like this is a build up, not just her

    #943170 Reply

    Raven

    Stand Your Ground! His is shaky…

    #943172 Reply

    Anon

    Absolutely stand your ground. If this is a deal breaker then it is. 6 years is a very long time that he should respect the relationship enough to not entertain other women like this.

    #943178 Reply

    Ewa

    you aren’t overreacting and he is not helping the situation. If she is just a friend that invite her over for dinner :)

    #943222 Reply

    Maria

    I’m lost at what to do. He admitted he had feelings for her but loves me . She knows about the issues in our relationship . He told me he shut it down with her, 3 times but it hasn’t stopped – she keeps pursuing him and I know he likes her and is struggling with his decision . Am I weak for wanting to fight for him ?

    #943223 Reply

    Maria

    Also yes she only started at his work 6 months ago . He hasn’t really had female friends that are close , I’ve never had an issue with him . I just know she likes him. She sends him snaps of selfies etc , messages him on snap , sends videos . I’m a mess

    #943224 Reply

    Gaia

    Why do you want this man? She probably doesn’t even know about you. He’s playing you and her. If he has to chose between the two of you, don’t give him a choice, take yourself out of the equation. Why would you want someone who sees that they can have a choice between you and someone else? Why do you want to see yourself as an option?

    He stated clearly he has feelings for her. Leave him to his feelings for her.

    #943225 Reply

    Mary

    What do you do? What you do is you have self respect and walk away.

    #943226 Reply

    Raven

    He emotionally cheets, he lies, he gaslights you… What a catch!

    #943227 Reply

    Tallspicy

    You pull way way way back. Tell him you bave some things to think about. Then you let him do all the calling, texting etc… in the meantime focus on you and living your best life. That is fighting for yourself

    #943231 Reply

    Maddie

    Agree with the comments here. She may be a coworker, but if she’s sending him snaps etc. then he didn’t really shut anything down because he didn’t block her (and nothing they are working on requires her to send him selfies, so that’s no excuse for them not to stick with professional modes of communication only). And he didn’t block her because he didn’t want to. If she knows about your relationship problems then that’s gross because why is he talking to a coworker he’s attracted to about your dirty laundry? Very disrespectful. And if she doesn’t know about you, then even worse,he wants the attention more than he wants a relationship with you. Yes, 6 years is a long time so it makes sense you’re looking to figure things out with him, but he’s not putting in the effort with you to do the same right now. So do what Tallspicy suggests. Fighting for him at this point looks like you standing your ground by respecting yourself. Anything else is letting him get away with too much and then he’ll walk all over you until he walks out.

    #943232 Reply

    Anon

    Men respond to actions- I’d move out like you did and not return. If he’s a mess- that’s for him to figure out. He’s taken you for granted and by staying you are saying it’s ok for you to do this. You have one life to live- this relationship is making you doubt yourself and making you unhappy. Move out and away from this person

    #943236 Reply

    AngieBaby

    If he were serious about his relationship with you, he would cut her off. (Wouldn’t have even started up with her in the first place.) This isn’t how you treat your live-in GF, flirting with a girl at work and flaunting it. Pack up and leave and do not look back no matter what he says or does. He’s showing you who he really is. If he is capable of doing this once, he WILL do it again. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but his choices are clearly indicating this is not salvageable. He isn’t choosing you. He’s made you into the side chick. He’s not worth fighting for. There’s also no way you can win this anyway, you’re in a weak position.

    #943239 Reply

    tammy

    They both like each other and are in the initial stages of their affection, flirting, getting to know each other. Only problem is that the guy is not single and has a live-in girlfriend. He’s actually flirting, texting and meeting that girl while he lives with you! Is there anything more to discuss? isn’t it clear? You know what you should do. break off with the guy and move out. It’s sad that he is getting to know another girl while living with you but the good thing is you guys are not married! it’s a terrible situation to be in. my suggestion is that if you dont know what to do, move out and think over things on your own and then decide whether you want to give this guy another chance. but if I was in your place, I would have left him. if he can do this while living with you once, he can do it again. the worst bit is he was telling you that you are over-reacting! making you rethink and doubt yourself! you should seriously consider ending this.

    #943240 Reply

    Raven

    YOU boot him out! Why inconvenience yourself.

    Tell him, if he wants her so badly, go live with her!!

    #943241 Reply

    Gaia

    Ditto what Raven said!!!

    There is nothing to figure out and he’s already moving on while living with you. He broke the trust. There is no relationship to save.

    #943242 Reply

    AngieBaby

    Raven makes a good point.

    Check your legal position before you leave. Is it his or your home? Do you rent? Are you both on the lease or mortgage payments? Whatever the situation, find out your legal rights and obligations before you do anything.

    One of you has to find another place to live. He’s openly cheating on you and it’s completely unacceptable.

    #943244 Reply

    Khadija

    Pack your things and stay gone this time.
    He has admitted to having feelings for her and continues spending time with her. What exactly are you fighitng for? A man who loves and respects you would never get close to another woman and make you feel bad about it. Leave now because he’s moving onto another relationshp right before your eyes.

    #943498 Reply

    Maria

    So I’ve told him to move out , and that I am breaking up with him . We own a house together which makes it complicated I’m no longer angry , I forgive him but I told him it’s hard to forget everything that happened over 3
    Months . The worst part is him seeing me so hurt over this and continuing with his actions . I hope I’m making the right decision . He wants to work on our relationship , and mend things , but I can’t look past it . Sad this is now I feel sorry for him , I hate seeing him upset even though he created this mess ! He is in denial I think ? And still tries to
    Talk about our future, and I have to remind him that I want to break up.
    Also someone started to talking to me on social media , this has been a good distraction. I welcomed it to make me feel better. he wants to meet though. Is it wrong of me to meet up with someone else ? Not a formal date . And not hooking up

    #943499 Reply

    Michelle

    Don’t rush into something with someone else, not even just social media flirting.

    Stay single for a few months. You will complicate everything further if you feel badly for moving on quickly.

    The more you can keep things black & white, the easier everything will be. Whether it’s a full breakup and split of the house, or it’s an eventual resolution.

    Be the better person. You’ll feel awesome about it, and much stronger in your decision-making.

    Black & white here.

    #943501 Reply

    AngieBaby

    Danger zone – don’t weaken and back down and let him worm his way into staying. Keep re-reading your posts on this thread when you “feel sorry” for him. He’s not sorry for what he did, he knew what he was doing when he started up with her and kept it up even when you told him how you felt. I repeat, he never should have been hanging out with another woman in any capacity – you are his committed partner of six years and you own property together. That’s a dealbreaker, full stop. He will do it again, 99% chance. A man who loves, values and wants a future with his woman simply doesn’t do what he did.

    I agree with Michelle – not sure I get the black and white stuff – but getting attention from someone else isn’t a good idea right now. That could really blow up on you. My suggestion is tell him you are going through a break-up and need some time to process and back off. Don’t meet him now.

Viewing 25 posts - 1 through 25 (of 25 total)
Reply To: Am I over reacting
Your information:





<blockquote> <code> <pre> <em> <strong> <ul> <ol start=""> <li>

recent topics