Am I crazy for ending things? Please help!

I know I’m going to sound like a complete broken record but I’m so lost and heartbroken I really need help. After not seeing him for two months … truly believing I could do better I saw him Saturday night. A few weeks ago he sent me a sweet message on thanksgiving telling me he’s really thankful for me and thinks of me often and is always here for me. Of course it tugged on my heartstrings and over the last few weeks I could not stop thinking about him so I texted him this past Thursday. Saturday we ended up agreeing to see each other last minute because we were both free. We walked around xmas shops and I felt so much love and affectionate from him… holding my hand etc he just seemed so genuine . I slept at his place and we hooked up (everything but sex), the next day as usual things felt a little strange ,.. especially because he didn’t ask about seeing me again. When he put me in a cab he just said “stay in touch.” He tExted me at night something about xmas lights but didn’t keep the convo going. Now I feel sick to my stomach. All the work I did these past two months is ruined. And now he will never take me seriously because I told him multiple times I deserved better and went back. I am so so mad at myself for losing my dignity . Now what :/ i feel like I am just not good enough for him. He previously dated a model… I almost feel like the next day with no make up he was turned off by me or something. Ugh.

I am mad and I know I deserve better but I still feel like I’m doing something to make him just not THAT into me. I also have pointed out so many times why his behavior hurt me so now I don’t even know what to say to him. When he texted me last night making small talk I was really nice even though inside I am so hurt.

Emma, stop beating yourself up. So you relapsed but you didnt sleep with him and realized he is still the same wall. You said you did all the hard work, but did you do all the hard work? Like focussing on yourself, get fitter, get happier, get more confident? Those are just or maybe even more important than not talking to a guy. The fact that he has little respect for you (your words not mine) dont matter. Its just a sign youre not meant to be. Who cares if thinks that? Guys for some reason always come back. It beats me why. Maybe they are not wired to feel ok being alone. So this time do the work. No contact is not a trick to get a guy back, itsto get him out of your system

Why are you making this so complicated? Stop communicating with him

@Emma
why are you making this so damn complicated??? what don’t you understand? INSANITY = DOING SOMETHING OVER AND OVER AGAIN (accepting crumbs, going back to him after just 1 measly empty text from him) AND EXPECTING DIFFERENT RESULTS (a committment, BF/GF status, “i will see you and want you only.”)

SO….LOGIC SAYS: you do something differently (DON’T CONTACT HIM) and MAYBEEEE just MAYBEEE he might offer you that committmment?? you’re not waiting for him, but you’re going to move on and find someoen else and throw him off to the side. truth is, there is no real love HERE — accept that, or else he would’ve been WITH YOU already!!

the only way for this to work is for you to follow your words WITH YOUR ACTIONS! there is no possible way for you to begin to heal when you’re in constant contact, OR hoping for something more when after all this time he hasn’t given you what you wanted. SO….WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NOW? continue doing what you’ve always been doing? OR… ceasing all contact COMPLETELY (remember, words MUST be followed by ACTIONS) or else he WON’T RESPECT YOU, and knows he has you at the palm of his hands.

you’re acting weak and you know it. for god’s sake- regain your power and dignity and flip the script on him. HE needs to CHOOSE you — that’ll be the only way for this to work. and you know what, you aren’t giving yourself OR HIM any chance to see what life is like without each other…instead, you’re constantly sending anxious, needy vibes. and guess what, he’s going to respond accordinly…he doesn’t respect you, and KNOWS he can dangle you — based on how you’re acting. a strong woman would say, “i am not accepting this and you’re gonna have to try A LOT harder for me to even give you the time of day.” remember the greatest gift you can give someone is your TIME. don’t give your TIME to people who have done nothing less of deservign to EARN it.

read the words in caps lock really carefully — because all those words are hugely significant in determining your worth and establishing yourself as someoen worthy and respectable in his eyes. becasue right now., all you’re doing is groveling back to crumbs. the truth is one bitter pill to swallow, but sorry you’ve gotta take it.

Don’t tell him you’re not going to talk to him. Just do it. If you tell a guy you have to like force yourself not to talk to him, it shows you care about him way too much & is dramatic. You should focus on not liking him. Once a guy hurts or disappoints me, I feel like well this is a lost cause. And I focus on that & as a result stop liking. That’s your best option. Or else you will not get anywhere

NO CONTACT MEANS NO CONTACT. how does him sending you a Thanksgiving text mean anything other than NO CONTACT. means you don’t even give a second of your time responding to anything he ever sends you. girl set some boundaries for yourself. Do not CONTACT …MEANING CALL TEXT SOCIAL MEDIA ETC unless he is ASKING YOU FOR ANOTHER CHANCE TO BE BACK TOGETHER AND TO give the relationship a committed effort. if you don’t hear anything NEARLY CLOSE TO these words, you’re walking away and NEVER looking back. and this includes no MERRY CHRISTMAS TEXT, either. NOTHING , NADA unless it’s something along those lines . that’s it end it, move on and find a MAN WHO treats you well. stop groveling and begging for a man who pushed you away

I would not tell him anything! For your own good do not talk to this man. If you see him in public keep it cordial nothing else

do what gives YOU the closure: the most important thing is: YOU need to ensure that you’re ready to mentally move on. so the manner in closure is irrelevant and his response is irrelevant. at this point, he has NOTHING to do with you anymore. he is part of your past and certainly won’t be part of your future.

1) if you contact: short and concise: (I’ve sent something along the lines of this, and was fine in doing so – it meant closure for me. Trust in the fact that this man isn’t f*cking stupid. if you want out, HE KNOWS the reason why. no need for explanation/feeling guilty. he might be 5 women deep. you never know. “This isn’t working out for me anymore. Please don;t contact me any further, I need time and space apart. Please respect my decision.” BOOM. THEN YOU IMMEDIATELY BLOCK HIM FROM ALL CHATTING APPS, SOCIAL MEDIA — this 110% helps you in forgetting and healing/moving on.

2) if you don’t contact and don’t feel the need to contact …you might run the risk of texting him again. remember, you’re not doing this to evoke a reaction out of him. you’re doing this FOR YOURSELF, getting that CLOSURE FOR YOURSELF, and CLOSING THE DOOR on this part of your life. if he comes back, and the connection was strong enough he will come back. but at this point right now, accept the situation and keep moving forward. if you’re not going to contact him – I HIGHLY SUGGEST BLOCKING HIM ON ALL FORMS OF CONTACT. if he doesn’t hear from you I PROMOISE YOU he will know why you left. you”re leaving for YOU, NOT TO EVOKE A RESPONSE OUT OF HIM.

thirdly, you’ll never get out of this if you don’t make a clean break. this has happened to my best friend and she kept going back to him OVER AND OVER AGAIN …dragged it on for 2 years, and it took her MONTHS to recover after finding out he was seeing someone else. DON’T be that person. thankfully, she’s with someone she adores now, but think — you DO NOT want to be wasting your precious time WHEN YOU CAN BE HAVING THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE WHO IS ON THE SAME PAGE AS YOU. she even told me “wow, i can’t believe i didn’t give myself the chance to see who else was out there.” so take this as a motivating force to REALLY BE DONE . and lastly, if he EVER EVER CONTACTS OR REACHES you again you will TAKE NOTHING LESS OR SHORT OF: i want to be with you, i made a mistake, i am willing to fix it, i know you’re the one i want right now. if anything less, you keep movin FORWARD and stop looking back.

you must follow all of that. trust me, it’ll get better each day IF AND ONLY IF you do those above. you won’t fully move on, or open yourself up to other men if he’s always gonna be that dark cloud on your shoulder. LET GO.

Emma – in your current mental state, this forum is the worst place you can come for advise….

The biggest problem you have is your own fear!!!!! You let your fear for the future drive all your interactions with this man… It is Soooo unhealthy….

I dont know this man… i dont know if he is emotional unavailable or whatever… All I read is your own internal fear….

Unless you realize this and choose to deal with it, you will never get into a healthy relationship…

Focus on what you have already in your life, friends, family, career, and take men as just one component of your life, but not your entire life….