Am I crazy for ending things? Please help!

You are dating the wrong men. You are indeed the common denominator. The only men you should be dating are the ones, who court you, call you, take you out in dates and can’t wait to tell the world they are seeing you. These men may appear clingy and smothering to you, and you may even be turned off by all that. I urge you to take them up and let them take you out. You will see the difference. These men will want you to feel so great around them that soon you indeed will, and before you know it one of them will want to be your boyfriend.

Emma, I think there are a couple of things you’re saying here and I hope I can shed some light on them :)

1. Dont apologise for sleeping with him. If it felt good and natural to you, take it as it is. Enjoy it, you’re not a whore. You slept with someone who you like and who you dated, nothing is wrong with that.

2. You seem like you’re rushing all these decisions. Sometimes, as painful as it is, sleep on it. He doesnt deserve a response immediately, since he never gave you one quickly so take the time to figure out what you want.

3. Stick to your guns. If you want something better, stick to that. It will help you in the end. You’ll find someone better. Also, dont apologise- you said what you felt, as long as you were screaming at him, i think you’re fine. He said it was fine, most guys just want clarity. If you’re clear, you’ll both be better either together or a part.

4. I agree with Alia on the good men. I’ve been where you are so look out for those great guys- they’re out there and when you get treated the way you deserve (with no hot/cold behaviour) you will feel better emotionally, physically and will forget about guys like this.

5. This is something that I think everyone questions but my advice is do what you think is best. I know I’m giving advice right now so this is a little hypocritical haha but do what you think is best. The relationship is between the two of you. You don’t need to take every piece of advice because we’re not all there but sometimes its just best to go with your gut. I always think, if it’s the right person, you’ll always give the right response. They’ll accept it and be happy with you.

I hope that helps. I know its a difficult time for you right now. It does suck but you’ll get through it! :)

Thanks everyone! I am feeling stronger today like I made the right decision..and almost a little creeped out at myself for being attracted to someone who was clearly not treating me right. Before I slept with him he did call, text, take me out on nice dates but that was short lived. I think I am going to take a few months off dating to really focus on myself/ emotions/ hobbies. Even though it scares me to do this at 29 (since time isn’t on my side) I think I’ll be in a better place to date. Thank you again for all the support!

These are hollow phrased after two weeks of silence, so would not respond anymore

That’s what you get after 2 weeks? If i got that kind of text from a guy later in the evening I would say “are you drunk?” Why can’t we just kiss and I want to kiss you? And scared emojis? What is he like 15?!?!

You have all the time on your side at 29!! You don’t need to put up with this hot/cold BS! This guy is clearly not over his ex and he’s wanting to use you as a distraction. He’s putting forth almost zero effort and expecting results. Wait for the man who adores you and can’t wait to see you and puts in the effort. This guy isn’t him.

Thanks. So should I say anything else or just completely silent?

Ignore him, block him. He sounds like an immature prat. You’ve dodged a bullet. Be glad you didn’t waste more time on him.

Your romanticizing the situation is still your low self esteem at play. You are right to take time off dating and working on yourself. You are indeed not ready to date and need time to love and care for yourself. The more you love yourself the less you will think that this guy was giving you something you lacked. He was never in a million years capable to fill the life size hole in you. He knows you have this hole and that’s why he was bothering you. Because in a sick way it was validating him, too. This was a toxic situation for both of you actually. Far from love. Love has nothing to do with it, other than there was an absence of it. There was longing for love that was never fulfilled. Because you invested time in waiting for this love you felt you were owed something. The only thing you were owed were love you never gave yourself. That is way overdue now.

Emma, the minute you stop worrying what others think and what relationships others are in and, especially about your age, will be the moment you will be free. The voices in your head telling you all these things, I assure you they are not your voice. It is most likely the voice of your mother or someone else close to you, but not your voice. Your voice we have yet to hear and I have an inkling it’s badass.

Good for you for doing the things you have done already! And no to rhinoplasty. In fact, whenever you start thinking you need a nose job, take it as a cue that you need to change your thought pattern and that depression is taking a hold of you. I go in and out of self esteem troubles myself, so I may not be the best person to advise, but the work I’ve done that has had the best results – google an article – 42 practical ways of improving yourself, and just go down the list. Do all those things one by one. I assure you that it will keep you so busy and it will start putting an emphasis on you caring for what and how you spend your life.
If you do all those step and you still really feel you are losing ground, reach out to your doctor, and see what solutions are out there to treat depression medically.
But that’s where I would start. Tonight.

Why did you ask not to contact him if you want him so much? I didn’t read all the pages sorry.

Call him, have another rant, tell him how you feel, ask him if changed his mind and even if he says no, tell him to think about. Wait 3 weeks and he will contact you. He keeps poking you, so he does like you.

If you love him don’t be coward.

“I guess I struggle with taking a break because I am 29 and I feel like time is running out.”

You sound really desperate. I am your age and I felt slightly offended by those statements you made.

I wanted to comment on something else. Why do you say that you can’t date, because you decided to stop drinking? Is it neccessary to drink on dates? I think that actually it is a great idea to date sober, as it is easier to say whether you like someone or not, if alcohol doesn’t cloud your judgement.

Thank you all for the advice .

Alia: I will use all your recommendations asap!!!

Danita: I didn’t mean to offend you with the age comment . I tthink 6 years of being single and living in NYC has really gotten to my psych. I don’t think there is anything wrong with being single and single at this age … I just want love and a family so much one day and if the next 6 years go like the last I’m worried I won’t have the opportunity .