After First Date Advice


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This topic contains 9 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Khloe 1 month, 4 weeks ago.

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  • #899608 Reply

    Khloe

    I started talking to this guy on a dating app, we moved to phone calls/text and then this weekend he texted me asking if I would be free to meet up Monday night because he would be in my neighborhood. We met up and had what I thought was a great first date. It was easy and fun, we laughed and had a good time, some chemistry. During the date he told me he was in a band a few years ago and I said I would check them out later that night. I did and then texted him that I was really impressed with his guitar playing skills. I also said I should tell you I had a great time tonight, thank you for the prebirthday dinner (he paid), my birthday was on Tuesday. He responded he did as well and that I was super cool and super cute. He said he was glad I was able to come out on short notice.

    So that was kind of it. He didn’t text me or call me yesterday to wish me a Happy Birthday and I’m wondering what I should do next. If I should do anything next. Do I wait him out and see what he does? We had a running joke that because he owns his own company, he is his boss. But he jokes that “his boss” works him really hard and “his boss” is really handsome.
    I was thinking to text him something like “you were right, your boss is really handsome”. But I don’t want to be chasing him, especially if he has no intentions of following up with me or seeing me again. Kind feel it was crummy that he didn’t say anything to me on my actual birthday but I don’t want to split hairs.

    Any advice?

    #899610 Reply

    Khloe

    I always feel like I have to keep the momentum going with a guy otherwise they forget about me. I know I have the option to do nothing but…I always try to make things happen if you know what I mean.

    #899625 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    You just met this guy in person two days ago! Just relax. You’re getting way ahead of yourself. Don’t do anything, let him reach out to you. If he’s interested, he’ll contact you. Don’t make the mistake of chasing him and doing the work. You’ll look needy and clingy of you do. This guy is a business owner & is undoubtedly busy. Your life should be equally busy and interesting.

    About your birthday– let it go. This guy is a stranger, he’s someone you met once. Not all guys make a big deal about birthdays. He may have forgotten, or he may have wanted to play it cool. It doesn’t matter. Just sit back and wait for him to contact you.

    If you start having expectations of a guy you don’t know & aren’t officially dating, you’ll wind up very disappointed. Ditto if you keep trying to control the outcome. Don’t expect anything at this point. Just wait and see what he does.

    #899700 Reply

    Maddie

    “I always feel like I have to keep the momentum going with a guy otherwise they forget about me. I know I have the option to do nothing but…I always try to make things happen if you know what I mean.”

    This should be a two-way street, especially at the beginning. If you feel you need to make things happen, and this is your pattern, it’s because you’re choosing guys who were never going to fully show up for you. Some people advise the woman do absolutely nothing the first month or two minimum, let the guy put in all the effort to see if he’s serious about investing. I am more balanced about let the guy take the lead, but it’s fine to occasionally start the conversation as long as he’s still doing most of the heavy lifting (consistently initiates contact more often, keeps asking you on dates and following through). However, feeling the need to chase is a red flag that either he’s not on the same page as you and you should slow way down and mirror his contact, or he’s not serious about getting to know you and it’s better to let him fall off than it is to prod him into dating you (since these types will eventually flake out even after you’re in a relationship).

    You’ve done enough with this guy. Lean back and let him reach out and plan the next date with you and then the next few after that. If he isn’t doing it, you’re not missing out or losing anything. You had a nice date but he wasn’t the right guy looking for what you want, frustrating as it is. Better than you chasing only to find out you’ve just extended the amount of time that got wasted on a tepid guy.

    #899741 Reply

    T from NY

    Do NOTHING. Do NOTHING.
    Except live your wonderful life. He sounds little like a player or little uninterested or just emotionally unavailable to me. But there’s very little info – just my impression from the small amount you shared. But he doesn’t matter. What matters is YOU! Of course you don’t text him. I promise cross my heart – once a woman knows her worth – she will never try to make any relationship work, or worry about momentum, or make a guy like you.

    It’s the BEST place in life to be to feel so damn good about yourself you ONLY want a guy who is interested in spending time with you, seeks your company and etc. You don’t even have to be so grateful he paid on the first date. Healthy, emotionally available men WANT to make you happy. Let him do that and of course be grateful but I don’t get over the moon anymore for what men do for me – because I feel like I deserve it! Again do NOTHING except if he reaches out be warm, friendly and flirty. Until then (even after then) focus on YOU.

    #899776 Reply

    mama

    Here’s what you do, “Khloe”,

    Read through these replies.
    Read T from NY’s reply enough times that you can recite that second paragraph from memory.

    Then live your life because if you absorb that mindset, you will never need to come back here. ;)

    #899779 Reply

    mama

    (well, I meant her ENTIRE post, it’s all spot on)

    #899923 Reply

    Khloe

    Thanks for the advice everyone. You guys were absolutely right. He did text me yesterday afternoon and we texted back and forth a bit.

    He was the last to text last night before I fell asleep. Do I respond to his last text? He didn’t really ask me anything, just answered the last question I asked him. Or wait and see if he reaches out to me first today? He didn’t ask me about weekend plans or anything like that either.

    #899925 Reply

    tammy

    i think you should wait for him to get in touch. if your conversation went well, he will. and hopefully he will ask you to meet over the weeknd. wait for him to connect.

    #899928 Reply

    Khloe

    I guess I’m also always concerned that if I’m not being proactive enough guys will think I’m not interested. I guess it is about finding that balance.

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