Was I just used or did I do something wrong to change his mind?

He does not want to lose you as a friend. Having a relationship always carries a risk of breakup that friendships do not.

So he chose the way he is most comfortable with…in a way it is a compliment.

boo I typed a response and it didn’t post…

it has nothing to do with how you looked naked. believe me. unless he is the biggest jerk to ever walk the earth, I’m sure he was very happy to see you naked. We are much harder on ourselves than most men would ever be.

He might have just been swept up in the romantic energy, loneliness, and drunkenness of the moment… weddings get people feeling like they should get together with someone, don’t they? And then in the morning maybe he started to realized that you need a boyfriend-type of relationship and he knows he doesn’t see you that way. He made a mistake, maybe he wouldn’t have taken advantage of the situation had he been sober and now he’s regretting that he hurt you. I’m sure he doesn’t regret the SEX, but how it will have changed your relationship and maybe hurt you. HUGS so sorry

Thank you I guess it’s easy to get carried away… what bothers me most is that he knows everything about me and he knows I have never had a one night stand and I’m nearly 30 and only slept with 2 people my whole life. I kind of feel like he knew sex was a big thing for me and he completely disregarded that and our friendship..

He said that drunk sex is never good and we are both to blame for that. He did say parts of it like wow you are so good at that etc so it wasnt terrible it was just awkward drunk sex. I am so sad and feel pathetic for doing it. I have just deleted his number and Facebook etc to ensure that I am not going to contact him and be needy. I know I should not need to do that but a clean break is for the best. The problem is we work together. He has a week off now but he will be back after that and I just can’t face him. We spend every lunch time together and he’s even called me like his work wife before and stuff we are super close. Yesterday i said I always thought he liked me a bit (i mean we did have sex so he must have been attracted to me right?) and he said he doesn’t so I guess that’s it… I just think that for something I thought would be so amazing it’s gone completely wrong and I feel a fool. He keeps promising things won’t be weird between us he really likes what we are and won’t let it change that. He has said we should just pretend it didn’t happen and never talk of it again. I am starting to think he is a jerk. I am also regretting talking to him about it but I guess at least it’s all out there and I know he couldn’t stomach being with me again so that’s a bonus I guess… I feel so stupid that I could let this happen.

I am doing the pathetic girl thing of trying to convince myself that he really does like me but he is freaked out that he will mess up our friendship so this is why he is saying that he doesn’t see me that way anymore.. I know it’s probably not true but I just like him so much and have for a long time. He broke up with a girl he was going to propose to in March and I know he still isn’t over that but she definitely is and has moved on so that’s not going to happen for him… I just can’t help but think if everything settles and I just make myself super skinny and pretty he will change his mind down the line… I know this is not how you should think… one thing I can’t stop thinking about is the way he said it could be the start of something amazing which is definitely what makes me think he was really in to me… why would you say that? Literally just to convince me to have sex?

I think at work moving forward I am just not going to spend time with him I guess. Be cool and professional but you are probably right I shouldn’t continue to be friends with him. I keep thinking I did something wrong but the more I think about it maybe he did take advantage of me and I shouldn’t want to stay friends with someone like that. At the end of the day I was a really good friend to him and he will be the one who misses that in the long run. I guess I am worth more than someone who doesn’t like me enough to respect me. He knew sex was important to me and did it anyway apparently in the knowledge that he had no feelings whatsoever so yeah I guess we are done.. it sucks so much though.

Hannah I guess you are right. I just don’t want to acknowledge that the whole mistake is on me.

We have been proper friends for about a year but really close for about 6 months to the point of easily being best friends.. I thought he really liked me because he shares so much with me that kind of goes more than friends but I was obviously wrong. I will see what happens when he comes back in a week and try to be mature about it all. I can’t blame him for something I did also but it makes me feel pretty heartbroken that in the cold light of day he was obviously disgusted by me.. pretty harsh hit to my confidence..

Joe I am so embarrassed. I asked him what was wrong with me that he could not see himself attracted to me. I am so ashamed that I was even stupid enough to ask that question it’s so embarassing. I don’t know how I can face him now.

Hey don’t beat yourself up over this! You love and learn. At least you now know exactly what his feelings are and you can stop wasting time liking someone who doesn’t feel the same way back. That’s a good thing!

I totally agree that the best thing to do here is pretend it didn’t happen, and never let it happen again.

Alex, do not beat yourself up over this. We’ve all had feelings that weren’t reciprocated, and we’ve all had a few to drink and got carried away. This is NOT all on you. You both had sex. As much as it was never stated by him that it was JUST sex, it was also never advertised as a one night stand. In all honesty, if I’d been friends with someone so long and we both took that leap, I’d definitely assume the sex meant more that a casual night of sex too actually.

However neither one of you are right or wrong, you just both had different interpretations of the night. Now that it’s all cleared up, you know where you stand.

This is nothing to do with you. He will definitely be attracted to you, but is most likely not over his ex and emotionally tied to her.

Also, I completely understand the want to change yourself to make him want you. But trust me, that’s more of a psychological hit as your pride has taken such a knock. I did the same thing. I was always slim, but when I fell for my FWB and he didn’t feel the same, I lost another 10lbs and had a complete make over. Irony was, when he did want me, I didn’t want him anymore. Someone who knew me inside out, had spent so much time with me, only wanted me when I was almost unhealthy thin? No thanks. My self worth had increased at that point.

By all means hit the gym but do it for you.

There’s also nothing that says you have to stay close friends. If you need to keep it superficial and back off for a while, go ahead. As long as you’re professional, thats all that matters.

You sound by your remorse like you murdered someone. You didn’t. You had sex with a willing participant. You sound like someone who maybe doesn’t let themselves enjoy life a bit. I would take this as a warning to make sure you have something enjoyable for you and only you scheduled for the rest of your life. Forget this guy.