No contact is killing me. Doesn't it hurt him?

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  • #496577 Reply


    Broken up with two weeks ago by someone I am in love with and dated a handful of months but have been bffs with for a very long time. We worked together, so remained friends. When we no longer worked together, we finally started dating. We had wanted to the whole time.

    For a variety of reasons we broke up – he had doubts, wasn’t all in, felt my feelings for him were stronger than his for me, and things had become tense between us because of my constant and extreme insecurity, clinginess, neediness and jealousy. He loves me but isn’t feeling the emotional connection or “spark” he thinks he should feel – possibly because of that behavior from me. I am trying to work on that now with therapy and meditation and exercise and positive thinking and doing everything I can to boost my self love and confidence.

    But since we’ve broken up, our mutual friends have avoided me politely and hung out with him because they still work with him, and they are the bulk of my friends. So I’ve lost my love, my dreams, my best friend, and all our friends. On top of this, he developed a crush on a new girl at work while we were dating and it drove me insane (he didn’t do much about it I could just see it in his eyes, sparkling, and blushing, and he admitted it). Now he is single and she is single and he works with her every day. He promised me he wouldn’t date her because they work together and that’s not why we were breaking up – but his job there is coming to an end and soon they will both be single and not coworkers.

    We used to talk every day all day for years. We shared everything. Now 100% total silence from each of us (he deleted me from social media, and I followed suit). Total silence, working with this young lady, and all our friends are having fun with him (and her) and it’s like I never existed, or vanished, and I’m just here alone, ignored… I mean, so alone.

    I know that no contact is supposed to be good for me healing and building and working on myself. And I know that when we broke up he was crying and said he loved me and knew that I would be hurting and not to blame myself even though he knew I would. He seemed certain about his decision in the sense that he came over to do it right before New Year’s Eve, when we were both heartbroken and totally sick with the flu (we both knew it was coming and we got sick). On the other hand, as we talked about our issues and I mentioned some ways we could have worked through them or that doubts and crushes are normal or that some of our other concerns (emotional women, unemotional men) were common and not a cause to worry just a cause to work on communication – and he almost seemed like he wanted to change his mind. But we said goodbye, I thanked him for everything, told him I loved him, and said I think this is a mistake but I support your decision.

    But guys this no contact is absolutely killing me. It is so painful I can’t bear it. I miss him so much, and not just the lovey romantic parts, but our connection, friendship, talking. I am so sad. And I feel like he just is moving on, having fun (in my mind), and doesn’t hurt like this.

    Our mutual friend says he “seems sad but okay” … I know dumpers feel guilt and relief, and that’s fine. But is he really not hurting at all, not missing me, not wondering…??

    Part of me gets that I need a break to refresh and strengthen and heal myself and fix these insecurities I should’ve dealt with long ago (and possibly fight medical depression) and renew my life (I think what killed us is that I got in a bad space in my life, lost my passions, and made him my everything this past month or so and I know I need to make new friends, hobbies, etc., find my passions and become a happy person)

    I know he probably had a few weeks headstart on grieving since he broke up with me and had been thinking about it during the holidays. Is he really not sad and crying and missing me? I wish I could have any contact with him at all, any sign that he cares, is sad, hurting too even a little. I feel crushed by the thought that he is just rationally saying to himself oh well that’s done, so move on, and doesn’t feel anything?

    Why is it so painful? It hurts so much. I miss him so much. I mean I just miss him.

    #496578 Reply


    I suppose it is ridiculous to think that a simple text from him saying “I know we need space but I miss you and hope you are okay and this hurts me too and I’m thinking about you and wish you well…”

    Anything to show me any part of this sentiment would really help me a lot right now. I feel erased from his life, from our friends’ lives, from my former worklife, it is awful.

    I miss him so much. I feel like an idiot.

    #496583 Reply


    What good would it do to you if you knew he was hurting? Would that bring you two back together? I don’t think so. It would maybe be an ego boost for you to know that you are not the only one hurt in this relationship. But it wouldn’t change the facts. And those are that he broke up with you. Remember that guys don’t go through a break up as we do. Yes, he might be hurting, but for now he won’t admit it. Especially not to you. Yes, he might still love you, he might be hurt and cry when alone at home. He might think about you everyday. But the fact remains that he broke up with you. From whatever reasons, he couldn’t find the power to work through the tough times and stick with the relationship. And you cannot change that, only he can, by working on himself.
    He might even come back after a while. He might realize what he lost and want to try again. But that doesn’t mean you should wait for him. Move on, take care of yourself, do things that make you happy. It is a tough time and I feel for you. I’ve been in your shoes and I know it is hard. But try, take it day by day and you’ll see it gets easier. Cry as much as you want, but then pick yourself up and go pamper yourself. Go shopping, get a manicure, take a vacation if you can, even if it is just for a weekend. Find new people to hang out with, make new friends.
    As for the friends you lost, were they really your friends? If they bailed out on you in these hard times and chose to meet only with him? They could hang out with you when he is not around and vice versa. If they are just plainly avoiding you, they are merely acquaintances, not real friends. At least that’s how I see it

    #496587 Reply


    You want to know he feels something and misses you.

    Well, of course he does.

    No one alive goes through a breakup without regret and loss of a relationship…no one.

    How we handle those feelings varies from person to person.

    So, he is hurting and you are hurting.

    Why are the mutual friends communicating with him and not you. They do not want to hurt you more by telling you about him…it is the elephant in the room. They work with him….if he left and they worked with you they would not communicate with him. They want to stay out of this…wisely.

    Your mind is playing tricks on you with all of this. It is not as you think. It is not that he does not care or never cared….those are lies. Your former co-workers do care about you but do not want to hurt you.

    Your grief is very high and you wisely chose to seek help. You are a smart woman. Make sure you see a doctor as well and tell him what is going on. He can make sure you are physically all right. This is important.

    The extreme pain is due to the lies you are telling yourself. The pain will lessen as your mind clears and you see it is not as you have painted it….take heart and do not despair.

    Please keep seeking help with the pain….pain is normal…but this kind of pain is unnecessary and can be helped.

    Keep us posted.

    #496588 Reply


    Thank you that helps a lot – do you mean though that they don’t want to hurt me because they know he doesn’t care or is pursuing someone else? The one person that might know said that she didn’t think he was doing anything untoward. The rest are just busy with their lives and I must be a pain in the arse debbie downer.

    I guess I will give it some time and try to make new friends and maybe we can get together when I’m a little happier. They probably think if we got together I would talk about him or ask about him, even little things like how he’s doing in his work or his hobbies. And I probably would.

    My mind is playing tricks on me, that is true. I want to stop all the noise and really just be quiet and understand reality and move forward that way. I want to stop my brain.

    #496589 Reply


    That really does help me a lot, you are right, it is all my brain being mean to me and going to the worst case scenario, panicking, worrying, being insecure, which is why he stepped away with me to begin with.

    I don’t want to be like this any more than he wants to be with me when I’m like this. I really want to heal and get better.

    #496593 Reply


    Also I feel that these friends and coworkers, despite being fond of me, would not discourage and possibly encourage him and this new girl getting together, because they like her too. And they keep arranging outings for them, him, and her, and that can only tempt him. So it’s like I’ve lost my boyfriend my best friend and my friends – meanwhile he confidently has someone cute right there in his face that he crushes on every day to help him forget me, and my friends are orchestrating further get together where they can all hang out and I can’t come – do you see how excluded and trapped and torturous this is?

    Also all of this – the place of employment, my friends, and now this new girl are all within a block of me. To add to the torture she moved around the corner from me and is renting from his landlord couple who are also very good friends with our mutual couple friends – so where the six of us used to hang out now it will be the six of them, ever so innocently throwing these two together all the time.

    He is going to sleep with her and get over me I know it. And I’m just here a block away watching it happen, unable to stop it or even be w my friends for support through it.

    Maybe this is my mind playing tricks on me, but this is why I feel he isn’t sad or hurting, why would he be when he has our friends to have fun with and distract him and a cute coworker he wants to sleep with in his face and hanging out with them.

    Gosh this really hurts me. I feel like the universe is torturing me. Like really universe, my replacement at work (almost totally a male workplace) is a cute female he is attracted to, and she not only moves right near me but gets his landlord connection? And our friends love her. Everyone loves her because she’s cute and sweet and cheerful and energetic. Meanwhile I’m increasingly sad and draining and depressing and clingy to all these people.

    Just seems like a series of twisted fates that are trying to tear me apart. If I hadn’t lost my house, I wouldn’t have spiraled into depression and stress. He and I would still have our beautiful hangout instead of the crowded depressing place I live now. If he had gotten a new job earlier his crush wouldn’t have developed and I wouldn’t have been so insecure. And we could just have had time to enjoy the honeymoon stage and build romance and attraction. Instead it was immediately plunged into major life changes and anxiety for both of us. And a series of fates that seem designed to make him fall out of feeling with me by this infatuation.

    Such a bummer. Sad timing.

    After all these years waiting and hoping and building intimacy and real friendship…

    It’s so humiliating that we all used to go to parties and I was the one there holding his hand and now she might be. Or that they’ll all be there having fun until my name comes up and then they all feel bad for me and change the topic and go back to having so much fun.

    I guess I need to find my own new world. Maybe move away. Although I don’t want to leave my family.

    I’m humiliated by him giving up on me, dumping me so soon, all our coworkers had just found out we were together and congratulated us.

    But yes putting aside my mind, I do know he is a good person with a warm heart and at the very least he feels sorry for me but maybe misses me on occasion too. Doubt he hurts like me though. I guess I wouldn’t want him to.

    I just miss him and being his girl and our moments together. I like being around him.

    #496595 Reply


    I am also no longer a mystery, he knows I love him and more than he loves me, and he knows me as a friend that I don’t get over someone easily, that I don’t sleep w people easily or date casually. Whereas before us he did date very casually and he knows I know that and that it made me insecure. That he would hook up far more easily than me. And that I’m always available and loving and not a challenge of mystery or inspiring that “spark” — whereas a brand new girl does, she’s a challenge and mysterious and shiny and new and without baggage and cheerful and also erotically taboo by being his coworker which is even more attractive – just like I used to be. She’s totally replacing me.

    I’m just here a big sad lump in a depressing house without friends or mystery (I imagine he imagines) whereas she is fun and exciting and I probably built that up by being so sensitive about her in the first place. He said no reassurance is ever enough for me.

    So clearly everything I’ve written demonstrates that I still need to do a ton of work on my issues of insecurity and depression and confidence and self love and jealousy problems. But man, wouldn’t this be hard for anyone?

    I want to know I’m not replaced and somewhere I’m valuable, more than a passing sexual idealized fun exciting crush and I can’t imagine that I am.

    I want to know I’m not crazy and he feels too. Not just remembering our bad moments but our bond and caring and good moments and qualities too.

    I want to turn my brain and heart off for a while.

    #496610 Reply


    I am sorry to your loss.

    I believe you need continuous therapy.

    The way you described is as if you have been mentally victimized.

    It is actually Scary to read your post. That may be the reason your co-workers are not around.

    Be m mindful – – – – very negative energy no one wants to be around

    #496623 Reply


    I am so sorry for your loss. You are taking it very hard and it is obvious you have your own insecurity issues. Possible abandonment issues from childhood. Look at this break up as a blessing in disguise. It unearthed some of these feelings and allowed to see yourself in a situation where you felt you were out of control. Painful as it is this is the best place to start therapy in, when you are really raw and everything is on the table.
    Thing is, when you come out the other end you will be so much better, stronger, wiser, and you will attract the same. And your confidence will attract confidence.
    Thing is you attracted this guy as you were and you will attract somebody completely different as you will have grown. I speak from a personal experience.
    I am dating/ living with/ working with someone who is generous and loving to me and I am his everything yet he maintains an independent life as well. He would not have been attracted to me the way I was even 3 years ago. So, see the silver lining;)

    #496627 Reply


    I know how you feel. And yes, of course, knowing that he misses you would have helped you. I ran into my ex recently and I saw in his eyes that he is not over me completely and this did help me. It was like a shot of morpheme to someone in pain. he did date others too. Your guys might be infatuated by someone but a breakup created a wound and this wound needs to heal before we can truly enjoy a new relationship, so this new girl is sort of a rebound.

    And of course he misses you too, he is human. It is probably easier on him but still hard. But if you are NOT there, vanished completely erased as you said, it is also harder on him this way not only on you. But what will be easier on him and harder on you if you correspond or meet occasionally, this will give him a chance to gradually ween himself off you whereas you will be going through the breakup pain each time ANEW. So as hard as the no contact is, it is better for you.

    If you truly love him, this will not go away in a few months, and maybe he and this girl will break up by then. I am not saying it will be the case, but I am saying it is a possibility. In any case, if he is hurting (and he will be hurting if you are vanished) then it will be harder for him to fall deep for the new girl. The initial attraction will fade away but the friendship, the connection – all this takes time, and this is what he would miss with you.

    he has not forgotten you, he is not demented, men take LONGER to get over someone than women do. But they cope better. They multitask better. That’s the only difference, so try to learn from that and stay busy. As busy as you can. Plan your day so that you do not spend more than an hour at home alone after work. Go to the gym twice a day. You need to do that for the first 3 months. For me it is almost 5 months, the pain is gone, but the feelings are still there. But I am very grateful for the pain not to be there anymore, it was HORRIBLE.

    So stay strong. No contact is for your benefit right now more than for his.

    #496628 Reply


    Ugh I am so sorry for your loss. I can feel the pain in your words and my heart hurts for you right now. It’s completely understandable why you would create these scenarios in your mind that they’re all so happy and living in this wonderful fantasy world without you, but in reality, you’re just assuming the worst. And I think that’s normal. who knows if this co worker of his is even interested in him. She could have another guy on her mind. We just always assume bc we love a person, that everyone is going to want him. That’s not the case. But regardless of this, you have got to stop worrying about what he does. What they do. Trust me I know it’s so much easier said than done. I’ve been there. But you can only change things in YOUR control which is YOURSELF! you can’t control anyone or anything but you. So truly, even spending a thought on him or what he’s doing is a waste of your time. I’m sure it’s hard for him and maybe he does have other distractions making it easier , but you can have that too. It doesn’t have to be another person , but you can have distractions like working out, reading a book, going on a walk, even small things like taking a long bath. Create a new routine. You have the power to change your situation. Your last post about all of the things that happened and got in the way of you guys being together makes me feel like it just wasn’t meant to be and while you may not understand it now, you will appreciate it someday. I promise. A break up was bound to happen. If it wasn’t this cute co worker, it would have been someone else. The stars just we’re not aligned for you and you will meet someone else eventually who’s feelings are aligned with yours. In the mean time, keep doing you and focusing on your health and bettering yourself. Hang in there!

    #496636 Reply


    Why are you putting yourself through this torture? You can see it coming. I can see it coming. Reading all the signs you describe, I too think they will end up together.

    You can’t stop it from happening. What you can do is not have to know about it. Find another job ASAP. Move. I guess this is why they tell you not to date at work, because if you break up, you can’t get away from the fact that the other person has moved on (which they have a right to do). You can’t control his feelings or his actions. But you can control yours. Get to it!

    Incidentally, this is why I have decided to not date the cute guy across the hall who has been wiggling his eye brows at me. I can hear every time he comes in and out that door, and if a relationship was started and goes bad, guaranteed, it would be torture on one of us. So I have declared him a no-go zone.

    The only peace you can take out of this situation is if he does date the other girl from work, he will have a reputation as a serial work dater, which is generally frowned upon as unprofessional behavior. But that is no longer your business. Put blinders on and fix your own situation.

    #496638 Reply


    Sorry, I didn’t mean to ignore your pain. I understand it, and it sucks. I just wanted to focus on the solution. Your feelings will keep you wrapped up and less likely to take the action you need to, which is why I cut right to the chase.

    #496646 Reply


    I understand why you would want that validation. You feel erased, and you want reassurance that you really did have value to him and weren’t being played. I’ve been there too, recently. However, let me play devil’s advocate here. How awful would it be if you found out that he wasn’t missing you at all? It would be devastating, and set you back so so far in your healing, and do so much more damage to your self esteem. Don’t give him that power. Watch what you wish for.
    The other scenario is, what if he did text you and say how much he misses you? That would be a temptation to you both to fall back into the relationship. And what if you did? Then you’d have to wonder if he only took you back because it didn’t work out with her. (Which is a real possibility.) Then you would wonder if it was going to happen again if he met someone else interesting. (Again, a real possibility.) Do you want to risk more months and years of your life hung up on a guy who may be using you as a “back pocket girl”? It happened to me.

    I’d say it’s a better use of your time to erase HIM.

    #496648 Reply


    Thank you guys. He wouldn’t get that reputation because he is leaving that job soon and they won’t be working together. They’ll just be single and ready to mingle.

    Lam, I don’t work with him anymore. I just moved here to be closer to him and that was a hugely traumatic move. And now I’m close to him but we aren’t together.

    Options 2 why scary? Because I feel so intensely? I agree nobody wants to deal with this negative energy. I wouldn’t in their shoes.

    Alia I hear you thank you. I attracted him as I was before I got so insecure. It’s like I was great, comfortable and confident when nothing was at stake, but then when I was finally dating the man I felt I had waited my life for it brought up all kinds of anxieties. And unresolved doubts. Very scary for me. I think falling in love brings things up in people? If they aren’t someone who has been loved and find it difficult to receive or handle being cared for. I found it very difficult to let him care for me or help me or be sweet to me.

    Maria I work from home alone all day (around the corner from where they all work and enjoy each other all day) and I am alone constantly.

    I agree it seems like obstacles were put in our way and timing is off. I wonder if I will meet someone who is my best friend and also has these shared values (we are a little unusual as we have very specific ethical dietary habits and intellectual passions and we are both activists for a highly specific cause and would both find it hard to be with someone who didn’t share these commonalities and in our movement there are lots and lots of attractive female options and very few men… so again a challenge and a gem to find someone like him) — I wonder if I work on myself and he on him and timing is different after a period of time if he may forget these bad things and be able to fall for each other again and even better? Or am I resigned to a life of painful friendship best case scenario?

    I guess another unhealthy thing is I wouldn’t begrudge him a relationship w her if they both really wanted it and it made them both happy and it was meaningful. What hurts and bothers me is that he got infatuated with someone while dating me! After all this time of crushing on each other and waiting for this to happen. It makes me feel very ugly and inadequate. Tho plainer than me have is prettier taller and thinner and younger and more cheerful. And new and a mystery and finds him a mystery whereas I know him so well I can finish his sentences and know what he will order at any restaurant and how he likes everything etc which is probably boring to him. So what bothers me isn’t his potential happiness – it’s the replacement of the lusting and infatuation he had on me with the secret crush he’s keeping hidden and enjoying and the pedestal he puts her on. He can’t possibly hurt over me or miss me if he’s putting a woman he sees every day on a pedestal. It’s the longing and sexual desire and idea of them having sex and him thinking so highly of her – after dumping and criticizing and rejecting me – that hurts me.

    Lam I want blinders on I really do. But I have to drive by her house and their work anywhere I go and could run into them on any casual errand and can’t hang out with my friends because she’s all I will hear about since they too put her on a pedestal.

    I don’t understand what the big deal is with this girl – I used to be the one they all celebrated – now I feel dumped and pitied and ignored and rejected by them all.

    It just isn’t easy feeling so deeply connected to someone and sharing deep experiences only to find yourself replaced – at least in your mind. My mind is my enemy right now that is for sure.

    I do all these things and my mind still won’t shut off. The only things that help temporarily are hugging my dog and family and meditation.

    #496653 Reply


    Anyway I will not contact him although it is so hard. And I understand why. But it is so painful, intolerable sometimes, not to talk. It would make it easier on him but also on me to ween off. Feels like it would help me and be more respectful for him to at least send a check in text like hey I’m thinking of you this sucks hope you’re ok.

    But wishing won’t make it so.

    This really does suck.

    Losing our conversation and connection is the most painful part of this, that closeness, for years always knowing him better and being closer to him then all these people, now I’m a ghost.

    I know we will talk in time and it’s probably better if he doesn’t see or pick up on all this hurt.

    But god it’s so painful not to connect together. What I wouldn’t give just to share a laugh with him for a moment.

    #496654 Reply


    The opposite of love after all is indifference :(

    #496673 Reply


    Too often we focus/obsess over another to keep from focusing on ourselves…you aren’t putting your best foot forward so to speak…you aren’t your best self right now…that’s why no contact is important…you have to look inward to heal your hurts, your damage…you can’t live vicariously through another…no amount of taking care of another human being or being nice to another fulfills what you have to focus on…let this situation go…if he comes back then he comes back…if he doesn’t then he doesn’t…his actions cannot define you…that’s a lot of pressure to put on someone and there’s no point in doing it…

    Look inward…heal you and date yourself…take bubble baths, hit the gym, watch a show from beginning to end…let go of the need to be entertained by another, validated by another…you have an obligation to this world to present your best self and that occurs with self care, self love and spending time with yourself…then you fulfill your best self to the world and that’s amazing…

    The focus isn’t on him anymore…Look to yourself for happiness..=)

    #496696 Reply


    I mean this in the most loving way. Please don’t take this wrong. I am truly sorry for how you are feeling. It sucks and I think we all have been there. Me several times.

    Re-read everything you posted, you’ll realize you’re obsessing over this whole situation as if you have nothing at all outside of him. All of your focus is on him and your mind is doing all the thinking. We have a few sides to our brain. Don’t listen to the negative, IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE. I was in your shoes not to long ago and yes it’s easier said then done, but once you stop listening to the negative you’ll be better off and then you will be able to accept the situation (which is you feeling betrayed and unwanted, a feeling we all feel when we have a loss) better to know that you learned and have grown in your own healing. It will happen. It was part of your life, now it’s gone but you ‘ll have better moments. You’ll have happier things in your life outside of him, you’ll see it that way soon, I know you are hurting right now so it’s hard to feel that way. You’re grieving, it’s okay.

    #496709 Reply


    I’ve been where you are before and I know it sucks but obsessing about the new girl and being “replaced” is only going to make this 10x worse, trust me. This isn’t about him or her or your past relationship anymore. That relationship is dead and over. Use this time wisely, focus on yourself instead of on him and who he’s dating.

    I’m sure he misses you on some level, although not like you miss him. He will miss you more as time goes on, especially once he notices the differences between this new girl (or others) and you. He will reach out eventually but I strongly encourage you to not give in until you are truly ready to be friends, if that’s even what you want in the future. And if you do, if will take a LONG time to get to that point because it needs to be when you no longer have feelings for him and have 100% moved on. It took me about three years before I could be platonic friends with my ex. So just get comfortable with the idea that he may never be a significant part of your life again and if he is it won’t be for a long long time.

    You need to try as hard as you can to redirect your thoughts. It is hard but not impossible. Do not plot to get him back or fantasize about a future in which the time is right and you both have changed, because it is very unlikely that you will get back together and actually stay together, so thinking about it is a waste of time.

    Get some new friends. Mutual friends is nice when you’re dating but never put yourself in a position where the mutual friends are your only friends, because they will choose sides in the break up and if you’re on the losing side then it sucks for you. You should have your own friends separate from your relationship and the good news is, now you have time to work on finding and cultivating those friendships. Lean on family, definitely keep busy with hobbies, especially something new because it’s a great way to meet others.

    You will get past this, especially if you’ve survived a break up before. You have a long road ahead of you so try not treat each day like its the end of the world because time will move very slowly with that attitude in mind. It helps to force yourself to be optimistic about your single status, because there really is so much opportunity for change and growth that you otherwise wouldn’t be forced or inspired to make had it not been for this break up. So think of it as a blessing in disguise. There have been men and relationships that ended for me in the past that I was certain I’d NEVER get over and yet here I am living the best time of my life so far, in a relationship with a man I absolutely adore and love, and those past relationships aren’t even on my radar at all anymore. Sometimes I even laugh at how devastated I was back then, thinking my whole world was over, when little did I know I had some great things coming to me in the future.

    You will be fine.

    #496729 Reply


    Just found out our mutual friends have brought him and her out together for drinks twice this week and yesterday – and she told me she hadn’t done anything but clean the bathroom and ignored my texts saying hey let’s get lunch this weekend and what are you up to and hey did you have a nice weekend lets hang out. She is totally orchestrating their hookup and it feels to me that she lied, that she wants them to be together, that she doesn’t care about me, and that two weeks after breaking up and he promised not to pursue this girl he’s having a blast with friends and drinking with the hot girl he likes at work in small couple groups with our friends. While they are shutting me out and I’m home alone crying because I suddenly have no boyfriend and no friends. He used to do that stuff with me!!

    I feel so hurt and betrayed!!

    #496731 Reply


    Please stop acting like s victim.

    No one can make you a victim unless you choose to.

    Call you family if you have no friends left please

    #496733 Reply


    They are not your friends if they betray and lie to you. Why aren’t they trying to hook you up with someone else and only worried about him? Think about it. Get new friends. I now it hurts, but people are careless and mean.

    #496734 Reply


    So I’m overreacting by my friends cutting me out, lying to me, and setting up my ex of (at that point) ONE WEEK with this girl who had always hurt me – and shocked that my best friend of years and only recent ex who promised not to go out with this girl is actually not crying or hurt like me but out getting wasted multiple times in one week with this girl? That’s shitty of all of them – and I disagree I’m acting like the victim. I have given my ex space and I have tried to be positive and caring to my friend even though she’s totally doing this and not being here for me through a rough time. I’m doing everything I can to take care of myself.

    I have other friends, but these are the ones here, close to me. I can’t get away from them. I went for a walk just now and ran into this girl who is the one who let it slip how wasted she got with my ex and my supposed friend last night. I can’t even leave the house without running into them. That’s not me playing a victim, that is super shitty all around. I do have other friends and family and I have gotten together with them – but these are the friends I was close to for years and it is just plain lousy. It’s backstabbing and dishonest and inconsiderate and hurts me tremendously. I would never do this to her or to him.

    This shit, after only a week or two broken up is really devastating. Our relationship and friendship meant a lot to me. I could never do this to him. His boss is a former crush of mine and I’m working with him on a project – I could easily hurt him or make him jealous or distract myself with little drinks with his boss. But I know that would hurt him so I’m not doing it. I would NEVER do this to him.

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