Would you stay or leave?

I left…I was in a situation exactly as you describe. It was sad and pathetic to be living with someone and be more roommates than lovers. I was the one telling him I was unhappy and he would guilt me with the kids. After 18 years (I waited too long) I left and met someone where the love was so apparent. We would laugh, joke, cuddle and never wanted to be apart just like a partner should be. I was the happiest ever!

If should have left sooner. There is no point in being in a relationship if your both miserable even for the kids.

You can only control you and you are only responsible for you. I’m sorry for you, this must be so hard.

I have a friend from high school who is a devout Catholic. He married at age 22, to another devout Catholic. For reasons he will never understand, 10 years and 3 children later, she informed him she wanted a divorce. No one else involved. She felt they had married too young and she felt trapped. He was blindsided, shocked and extremely hurt. Both their families, all their friends and members of their church were upset. Everyone thought they were the perfect couple. He was very happy in their relationship and tried everything to fix it, but she was unhappy and she was adamant she wanted out. The harder he tried to make her happy the worse it got. She went to counseling with him 3 times and then refused to go again. They met with their priest, who basically told her she was making a grave mistake. No dice. She left. (She has the kids during the school year, he has them during summer and holidays.) He grieved for several years. One day, he decided to let it go and stop blaming himself. He met someone new and is very happy now. They cannot marry in the church, but he’s OK with that.

My point is – you can’t control your partner. Don’t be miserable because he is. You have to think about what you’re teaching the children. And if he doesn’t want to fix things then you are best off making a plan to leave.

My bf left an unhappy marriage. Like you, there was no joy, no fun, no intimacy, they just argued all the time. They had a child together too. He felt like the bad guy for filing for divorce, but there was no other way, they were just too mismatched as a couple….fast forward to now, he and I have been together for over 3 years and are planning marriage, his child adores me, we are best friends, he’s happier now than he ever was with his ex (he tells me). His ex has moved on too. Don’t sell yourself short– like other posters here have said, you may very well find happiness with someone else, but you never will if you stay in a marriage like this. And it’s better for your children to see their parents happy even if they are not together. You don’t want to model a miserable relationship for your kids.

You can knock yourself out trying to make him happy, but if he’s decided it’s over it’ll be very hard to change his mind. Sometimes you just can’t get back there. That’s when it’s time to move on. For yourself. Being alone is better than always being sad. And it opens up your world to new friends.