Would you stay or leave?


Home Forums Break Up Advice Would you stay or leave?

This topic contains 7 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Sophia 1 month ago.

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  • #918873 Reply

    Poster

    What would you do if you are faced with a situation where your partner tells you they don’t feel happy in the relationship anymore? They spend most of their time away from you even when you live in the same house and you find yourselves doing things on automatic like cooking dinner or cleaning because you have to, but there are no joy in it and no appreciation. Your partner criticise when something is not in favour but never compliments or encourage when it is. He/she has stopped looking at you lovingly and there is no intimacy on any level. You have at least 2 years invested and children are in the mix. You both are afraid of the possibility of regret if you part ways. Would you leave or stay?

    #918911 Reply

    Elvira

    I left…I was in a situation exactly as you describe. It was sad and pathetic to be living with someone and be more roommates than lovers. I was the one telling him I was unhappy and he would guilt me with the kids. After 18 years (I waited too long) I left and met someone where the love was so apparent. We would laugh, joke, cuddle and never wanted to be apart just like a partner should be. I was the happiest ever!

    If should have left sooner. There is no point in being in a relationship if your both miserable even for the kids.

    #918912 Reply

    Poster

    Thank you.

    What if you’re only miserable because your partner is the one unhappy? What if you would very much like to work it out and deep down you just want things to be the way it once was? To make matters worse, the house you live in is his house. And when you asked him if you should leave he says it’s up to you. Just like that.

    #918975 Reply

    SunSuki

    You can only control you and you are only responsible for you. I’m sorry for you, this must be so hard.

    I have a friend from high school who is a devout Catholic. He married at age 22, to another devout Catholic. For reasons he will never understand, 10 years and 3 children later, she informed him she wanted a divorce. No one else involved. She felt they had married too young and she felt trapped. He was blindsided, shocked and extremely hurt. Both their families, all their friends and members of their church were upset. Everyone thought they were the perfect couple. He was very happy in their relationship and tried everything to fix it, but she was unhappy and she was adamant she wanted out. The harder he tried to make her happy the worse it got. She went to counseling with him 3 times and then refused to go again. They met with their priest, who basically told her she was making a grave mistake. No dice. She left. (She has the kids during the school year, he has them during summer and holidays.) He grieved for several years. One day, he decided to let it go and stop blaming himself. He met someone new and is very happy now. They cannot marry in the church, but he’s OK with that.

    My point is – you can’t control your partner. Don’t be miserable because he is. You have to think about what you’re teaching the children. And if he doesn’t want to fix things then you are best off making a plan to leave.

    #919069 Reply

    Anon

    Yes you should be making plans to leave this man, be on your own, and learn to love yourself and children. Saying- It’s up to you is a weak cop out from him.

    #919091 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    My bf left an unhappy marriage. Like you, there was no joy, no fun, no intimacy, they just argued all the time. They had a child together too. He felt like the bad guy for filing for divorce, but there was no other way, they were just too mismatched as a couple….fast forward to now, he and I have been together for over 3 years and are planning marriage, his child adores me, we are best friends, he’s happier now than he ever was with his ex (he tells me). His ex has moved on too. Don’t sell yourself short– like other posters here have said, you may very well find happiness with someone else, but you never will if you stay in a marriage like this. And it’s better for your children to see their parents happy even if they are not together. You don’t want to model a miserable relationship for your kids.

    #919093 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    Of course it will be difficult. I don’t mean to say “just leave” as if it’s so easy. But it takes 2 people to make a marriage work, and if your partner is not willing to put in the work, it’s better to just end it than live an unhappy life with this person. As has already been said, you can’t control him, you can only control yourself. Hopefully you have family and friends who can support you through this.

    #919132 Reply

    Sophia

    You can knock yourself out trying to make him happy, but if he’s decided it’s over it’ll be very hard to change his mind. Sometimes you just can’t get back there. That’s when it’s time to move on. For yourself. Being alone is better than always being sad. And it opens up your world to new friends.

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